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  1. #101
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    I"m gonna beat my dick like it owes me money.
    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  2. #102
    JohannBessler
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Quote Originally Posted by Essex Boy View Post
    This isn't a joke, it was a clue in a crossword puzzle. But it tickled me and it might tickle you:
    Of of of of of of of of of of (10 letters).
    Trivia: crosswords in the United States have very little resemblance to those in the UK.

  3. #103
    nf fbt funw glbhuof gmhp SLOPPYSECONDS's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    was a dude name a tony
    was a cute ass a pony
    ans all da town take turns
    ridin him
    everywhere

    how taxis invent

    thankyou

  4. #104
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Quote Originally Posted by JohannBessler View Post
    Trivia: crosswords in the United States have very little resemblance to those in the UK.
    Very true, both in the structure and in the clueing.

    British crosswords clues have two parts (one part is a real definition, the other part is wordplay), and the demarcation between the clue parts is usually intentionally vague.

    Furthermore, many of the letters in British crosswords aren't "checked" (i.e. part of both Across and Down), while American crossword construction rules generally dictate that ALL letters in the grid be parts of words both Across and Down, with words a minimum of three letters long.

    US and British crosswords are AS different from each other as are the games Monopoly and roulette. I'm not as good with working the British ones, but I can often get some of the answers - and sometimes entirely fill out the ones with "Americanized" clues. (British ones will sometimes have clues which will be obscure on this side of the Pond.)
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    Things that come to those who wait, are often left over from whoever got there first. (source: pharmaceutical spam 2007)

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

  5. #105
    JohannBessler
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    lol^ I tried to do a British crossword once or twice. I felt lucky to get just one or two answers.

    By contrast, I used to be able to finish pretty much all of an American crossword (except for the New York Times one). I've gotten a little bit rusty.

  6. #106
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A British clue that I made up a couple months ago: can you guess this one? "Checked" letters are shown.

    Type of flashlight for a native climbing down from the Andes (12)

    _ _ C _ _ _ _ S _ _ _ T
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    Things that come to those who wait, are often left over from whoever got there first. (source: pharmaceutical spam 2007)

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

  7. #107
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  8. #108
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Saw this on tv the other night.....

    Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at Sports Authority?












































































    He prefers Dicks!
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  9. #109
    JUB Addict Essex Boy's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A man makes a phone call. A little boy answers.
    Man: Hello, Is your mum there?
    Boy: Yes.
    Man: Could I speak to her please?
    Boy: No.
    Man: Why not?
    Boy: She's up in the attic.
    Man: Oh, I see. In that case is your dad there?
    Boy: Yes.
    Man: Could you ask him to come to the phone please?
    Boy: No.
    Man: Why not?
    Boy: He's in the attic as well.
    Man: I see. So are there any other adults in the house with you?
    Boy: Yes.
    Man: Well, who?
    Boy: The Police are here.
    Man: The Police? I think I'd better to speak to them then. Could you ask an officer to take the call please?
    Boy: No.
    Man: Why not?
    Boy: They're in the attic.
    Man: What are they all doing in the attic?
    Boy: They're looking for me.

  10. #110
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Quote Originally Posted by frankfrank View Post
    A British clue that I made up a couple months ago: can you guess this one? "Checked" letters are shown.

    Type of flashlight for a native climbing down from the Andes (12)

    _ _ C _ _ _ _ S _ _ _ T
    Incandescent.
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    Things that come to those who wait, are often left over from whoever got there first. (source: pharmaceutical spam 2007)

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

  11. #111
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke



    this is not a joke but this is pretty damn funny.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  12. #112
    JUB Addict vulgar_newcomer's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Q:What do people do in Mississippi (insert favorite red neck Mecca) on Halloween?
    A:Pumpkin

  13. #113
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    What has 6 balls and fucks poor people?




























    the lottery
    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  14. #114
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

    The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

    The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

    The third man pulls out a pair of blood-stained women's panties.

    Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

    Answer... "They're Carol's."
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    Things that come to those who wait, are often left over from whoever got there first. (source: pharmaceutical spam 2007)

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

  15. #115
    nf fbt funw glbhuof gmhp SLOPPYSECONDS's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    dude go sit on wood a bench in nice park yea nice park a pretty ans lot tree
    but bench wet cause it rain ans rain wet
    dude face not happy ans nice suit pants a wettys
    anoda dude cum a by on littul merry walk tra la la in park
    dude on bench look him ans say
    * WET * in no a nice face
    ans dude stop tra la laa a look dude a sec ans say ! YEA ! ans go on way tra la la laa
    it start rain again
    dude ons bench now a all wet ans he get off a bench ans rest day he tell everyone he wet
    so if ya wet
    it maybe rain on you taday or ya just wet

    thankyou

  16. #116
    On the Prowl
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    What's black and blue and red all over?

    Rihanna in the passenger seat of a Lamborghini

  17. #117
    JUB Addict Essex Boy's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A man called an escort agency and said, ' I want to hire the tallest, skinniest girl you've got. She's got to be very supple, long-limbed and bony. I require her to perform an unusual service for me at my home and I am willing to pay accordingly'. When the escort turned up he told her to strip off then said, 'You'll do,' and ordered her to get down on all fours naked on the hearth rug. 'Stay there and don't move,' he said then left the room. A minute later the door burst open and he came back in with a big, boisterous, slobbering Great Dane on a leash. He bent down close to the dog, pointed to the call-girl and said, 'That's what you'll look like if you don't eat your Cesar Gourmet Filets!'

  18. #118
    Virgin gamestarp's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    This is the dirtiest joke I have ever heard.

    A young man falls deeply in love with an attractive young woman. He likes romantic movies, she likes romantic movies. He likes his steak rare, she likes her steak rare. He sleeps late, she's a night owl too. Everything they do together, they enjoy. The lady is quite conventional in bed, never doing anything except straight cock and pussy sex, but she's great at it, so that's ok too.

    Only one interest seems to separate them. The young man was brought up in the country, and he's a fanatic for deer hunting. But the young lady is a city type, and doesn't fancy wandering about in the woods and killing Bambi. But, the young man figures he can put up with her lack of interest in that one hobby, since they are perfect matches otherwise, and they get married.

    Everything is wine and roses for about six months, but then comes hunting season. The boy begs and pleads with his new bride to come hunting with him, to no avail. He goes alone, or with his friends, but one weekend morning he rises early, goes down to the kitchen, only to find his friends are busy. He doesn't want to go hunting alone, again.

    He decides he's had enough. He's the man, after all! Hers is but to obey! He storms up the stairs, strips the covers off his naked young wife, and lays down the law. "Goddammit, either you come hunting with me, give me a blowjob, or let me fuck you up the ass!"

    His startled wife is worried by this first sign of aggression in her husband. She's got to calm him down somehow. She can't abide the thought of gutting a murdered deer. And she's heard that anal sex is quite painful! So, she agrees to give the boy a blowjob. Kneeling naked before him, she takes his prick fully into her mouth, only to immediately spit it out and begin to gag.

    "That tastes like shit!" she exclaims!

    Replies her husband sheepishly, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go hunting either."

  19. #119
    The Journey of a Lifetime Adrock-JD's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke



    coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee
    coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee

  20. #120
    The Journey of a Lifetime Adrock-JD's Avatar
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    Re: somebody tell me a joke


  21. #121

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Necromancy is a sin.😈😈😈

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