I just wanted to get something off my chest. Considering the nature of this forum I figured this would be the best place (especially with the anonymity of the Internet).
The last two years I have been coming out to myself and exploring my sexuality (later in life than most guys but I have been deeply closeted). I've had girlfriends in the past but I had only two experiences with other guys. As a closet guy I didnt know any gay men or know how to discretely meet any. Desperate to explore my homesexuality I started checking out a couple of the local gay cruising parks (found out about them on the net)
At first I would just wander around the fringes, frightened to death to get involved. Eventually I got up the nerve to let a few guys suck my cock. I said to myself that I wasn't really gay and that I am just experimenting and letting guys blow me, everything is ok. Things progressed to the point where I would start sucking guys off any now I do that almost exclusively. I figured I probably have sucked cock 25 or so times at the local cruising park now. I have become far more brazen now, sucking off guys while others watched, one time even sucking off two guys while a group looked on. I have even jerked off in front of groups of guys (usually when I cant find anybody good looking enough to suck off). There have been some other embarrassing things I have done but I don't want to get into that right now (I feel stupid enough).
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me because I am usually a very conservative guy and the last person to do anything like this in public. When I get home from the park I change back into my 'normal' self and can't imagine doing anything so public.
Anyway, I don't know if there is any real point to my story I just wanted to get it off my chest.