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  1. #151
    Manuelus
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    Re: How to come out?

    I came out to my family first, my dad didn't care....my mom is a whole other story though (she is coming around though). I'm going to tell my friends when we all go back home from college for Thanksgiving.

  2. #152
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    Re: How to come out?

    Nice, let us know how that goes.

    All of my close friends know but I still haven't told my family.

  3. #153
    jonasDavid
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    Re: How to come out?

    Hows this? Im gay?

  4. #154
    MikeyLove
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    Re: How to come out?

    This one was a long time coming, an update: two months ago, I outed myself finally to two of my youngest str8 best friends who are seminarians- one ordained last June, the other will be ordained in May 2009, both Catholics. They accepts me and are still my friends. I also, 1 month ago, came out to my second oldest Brother who is very str8, he didn't turn me away, we continued talking for another hour on the phone. I'm done coming out. Anyone else who wants to know just have to ask me politely and I'll say yes.

  5. #155
    Porn Star Luvoldermen's Avatar
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    Re: How to come out?

    i just came out to another one of my friends last night...3 of us were on our way to the bar and the word faggot was mentioned...so i told him hey i'm a faggot lol (my other friend already knew)...he was very cool about it, it was really easy to tell him and we just made jokes about it right after...i still need to tell my siblings though...

  6. #156
    MikeyLove
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    Re: How to come out?

    Everything is good to go for me.

  7. #157

    Re: How to come out?

    Im really nervous to come out

    Does anyone have any tips

  8. #158
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    Re: How to come out?

    I can't post urls yet, a must see movie about coming out on Sun. 8p and Tues. 9p on Lifetime - Prayers for Bobby", check the Entertainment forum.

  9. #159

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by bimwadd View Post
    I can't post urls yet, a must see movie about coming out on Sun. 8p and Tues. 9p on Lifetime - Prayers for Bobby", check the Entertainment forum.
    Thanks your for this, I'll check it out soon.

  10. #160

    Re: How to come out?

    Yawn.

    The whole thing just seems meaningless. What business is it of anybody else's, what your sexuality is? The whole 'coming out process' is just soooo dated.

    Are you capable of actually loving another man and being in a commited relationship? Is your life generally happy? That's all that matters.

    I talk about my orientation with a therapist or trusted friends. However in the real world I don't blabber on and on about it because that seems to get in the way of me actually having a LIFE. In a job interview you can't say 'I'm gay' on your job application. My sexuality is a very deeply personal issue, not just being gay but all the subjective quirks I like to get myself into you know.

    Nosy people then are going to start assuming a lot of stuff about you the second they hear of your sexuality and intimate life. It's really none of their business. I don't worry about other people's sexuality unless I'm trying to date them, they don't need to worry about mine. It's just extremely unprofessional.

  11. #161
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by slnattak View Post
    Yawn.

    The whole thing just seems meaningless. What business is it of anybody else's, what your sexuality is? The whole 'coming out process' is just soooo dated.
    While I don't generally disagree with you, it's the people who don't have that point-of-view or that confidence that we're trying to help here.

  12. #162
    MikeyLove
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    Re: How to come out?

    WOW! It seems like it was so long ago since my outing. It feels so good to be free!

  13. #163
    On the Prowl asfgvstgjndtyatng's Avatar
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    Re: How to come out?

    Here's my situation. I'm 18, I live in the UK and I'm hoping to go to university this september. I'm 'in the closet' and have known I was gay since I was 13. At first I didn't really accept it but I soon did. I think it's quite obvious I'm gay due to my personality and interests but noone really asks me about it or talks about it. None of my family have ever mentioned it to me, although they have probably talked about it amongst themselves. Some of my close friends have asked me a few times and made joking comments about me being gay (not in a nasty way) but I just deny it and they drop it. I think they would be ok with it but I don't really trust them enough not to tell other people (e.g. parents) or use it against me if we fell out. When I go to university I am planning on just being myself ('out'). I'm not exactly going to open the door and shout out "look at me I'm gay!" but if someone asks I'll say yes and just keep being me. Apparently noone really cares about sexuality at university...

    If my parents asked me and seemed okay I would tell the truth. I don't plan on telling my parents until I can support myself which may be during or after university. I don't know how they will react at all. Sometimes they say things that comfort me slightly, e.g. my mum was talking about the future and said something to me and my brother like "...and you'll bring home your wives, or partners or whatever home for Christmas..." Maybe I'm just overlooking that, I don't know. But they've never said anything homophobic; they love Alan Carr (a gay comedian) and when a story was on the news about someone being beaten up for being gay they said it was "terrible." Thinking about it now as I write, maybe they would be ok, but I don't want to risk it. If I told them now and they reacted badly they could kick me out the house and I'm currently in an important period of exams which I need to pass to get to university. I'm just going to have to live in the closet for now to ensure I get to university.

    Just wanted to get that off my chest. It was comforting reading about other people's stories and advice too.

  14. #164
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by asfgvstgjndtyatng View Post
    I think it's quite obvious I'm gay due to my personality and interests...
    Sometimes they say things that comfort me slightly, e.g. my mum was talking about the future and said something to me and my brother like "...and you'll bring home your wives, or partners or whatever home for Christmas..." But they've never said anything homophobic; they love Alan Carr (a gay comedian) and when a story was on the news about someone being beaten up for being gay they said it was "terrible." Thinking about it now as I write, maybe they would be ok, but I don't want to risk it.
    Glad you had the courage to write that here.

    I think you have nothing at all to worry about. Frankly, it sounds like everybody (including your friends and parents) know you must be gay.

    I really don't think you need to wait.
    The world never changes if you're forever "minding my own business".
    The mindset that no one knows you're gay because you haven't told them,
    is like the dog that thinks you don't see him stealing the steak because he avoids your glance.
    Staying in the closet is like continuing to sit in the back of the bus.
    It's accepting that it's wrong to be who you are.

  15. #165
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by slnattak View Post
    Yawn.

    The whole thing just seems meaningless. What business is it of anybody else's, what your sexuality is? The whole 'coming out process' is just soooo dated.

    Are you capable of actually loving another man and being in a commited relationship? Is your life generally happy? That's all that matters.

    I talk about my orientation with a therapist or trusted friends. However in the real world I don't blabber on and on about it because that seems to get in the way of me actually having a LIFE. In a job interview you can't say 'I'm gay' on your job application. My sexuality is a very deeply personal issue, not just being gay but all the subjective quirks I like to get myself into you know.

    Nosy people then are going to start assuming a lot of stuff about you the second they hear of your sexuality and intimate life. It's really none of their business. I don't worry about other people's sexuality unless I'm trying to date them, they don't need to worry about mine. It's just extremely unprofessional.
    Coming out is a different process for people you've known for a long time vs. people you don't know well.

    For people you've known a long time (like friends & family), yeah, you pretty much have to just come out and say "I'm gay" or introduce them to your boyfriend or something obvious like that. Why? Because you've been misleading them for months or years or decades. You have make a sharp break with the past, and let them know who you really are. Why? So your friends don't try to set you up with the girl down the block or talk about hot chicks or complain about women and sex.

    For people you don't know well (new job, new school, etc.), you don't have to announce "I'm gay!". It just comes out naturally in conversation just as it does for straight people. For example, telling people who you went to the movies with or on vacation with. It's not at all unprofessional to talk about your personal life at work. (Don't take about your sex life at work, of course, but movies and recreation are not off bounds, especially if you want other peoples' opinions.)

    Coming out means you're not hiding anything. No secret un-named partners or friends. It doesn't mean waving a rainbow flag.
    The world never changes if you're forever "minding my own business".
    The mindset that no one knows you're gay because you haven't told them,
    is like the dog that thinks you don't see him stealing the steak because he avoids your glance.
    Staying in the closet is like continuing to sit in the back of the bus.
    It's accepting that it's wrong to be who you are.

  16. #166
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by asfgvstgjndtyatng View Post
    If I told them now and they reacted badly they could kick me out the house and I'm currently in an important period of exams which I need to pass to get to university. I'm just going to have to live in the closet for now to ensure I get to university.
    By the sound of things your parents would be fine and probably already know or have suspicions.

    At the same time you're in a stressful period and you'll want to avoid anything that will add to it. Waiting until university is an acceptable option. Is uni next year? Uni students do tend to be more accepting and supportive of minority groups. Look at it as a fresh start, a chance to completely be yourself

  17. #167
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    Re: How to come out?

    Well im in kinda a bind, even though my sibling is gay, and my parents seem ok with it, it feels extremely hard to me as its practically saying to them, "you got no chance of having a grandchild" not sure how to go about this, no one out of my friends or family know im gay yet.

  18. #168
    Pupi18
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    Re: How to come out?

    Well I came to my mom with a letter since with words I would probably would have gotten stuck or not speak properly.

    Tell them how are you and how do you feel.

    This might not be a big help but its something I guess.

    Good luck

  19. #169
    Pupi18
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    Re: How to come out?

    Tell them your gay but that doesnt means you are a different person.

    if they are your friends they will not care about it since that is your personal life.

  20. #170
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jameshorny View Post
    Well im in kinda a bind, even though my sibling is gay, and my parents seem ok with it, it feels extremely hard to me as its practically saying to them, "you got no chance of having a grandchild" not sure how to go about this, no one out of my friends or family know im gay yet.
    It's not your responsibility to have grandkids for your parents.

    It's your responsibility to live your life in an honest way, true to yourself.
    The world never changes if you're forever "minding my own business".
    The mindset that no one knows you're gay because you haven't told them,
    is like the dog that thinks you don't see him stealing the steak because he avoids your glance.
    Staying in the closet is like continuing to sit in the back of the bus.
    It's accepting that it's wrong to be who you are.

  21. #171

    Re: How to come out?

    Whatever the case, being gay is about who you are, but it isn't the whole story. It's only a small part. There are also many many things that define who someone is. Don't forget that

  22. #172
    Porn Star hvk1989's Avatar
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    Re: How to come out?

    I'm planning on coming out this Friday to the first person with whom I have an historical relationship and am somewhat torn between the "direct approach" and the "indirect approach." Just sitting down for drinks/dinner and saying hey, I'm gay seems a bit blindsiding. The indirect approach, on the other hand, could lead to beating around the bush and it never happening. I appreciated reading the culmination of everyone's experiences with previous jubbers--it has given me things to think about!

  23. #173
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by hvk1989 View Post
    I'm planning on coming out this Friday to the first person with whom I have an historical relationship and am somewhat torn between the "direct approach" and the "indirect approach." Just sitting down for drinks/dinner and saying hey, I'm gay seems a bit blindsiding. The indirect approach, on the other hand, could lead to beating around the bush and it never happening. I appreciated reading the culmination of everyone's experiences with previous jubbers--it has given me things to think about!
    I found that it was better to be more direct with people who I pretended to be straight around previously.

    The indirect approach was fine around new people who didn't know me. They picked it up pretty quickly because there was no fake history of trying to be heterosexual.
    The world never changes if you're forever "minding my own business".
    The mindset that no one knows you're gay because you haven't told them,
    is like the dog that thinks you don't see him stealing the steak because he avoids your glance.
    Staying in the closet is like continuing to sit in the back of the bus.
    It's accepting that it's wrong to be who you are.

  24. #174

    Re: How to come out?

    Came out to my mother and sisters a couple weekends ago. It was pretty easy as I'm sure they've known for years or have had an idea. I sat my mom down while she was home on her lunch break and asked her "Do you know the reason why I've never had a girlfriend?" What I really respect was that she probably did know, but said she didn't in order for me to tell her the reason, instead of her saying it followed by my affirmation. I then told her "I'm gay" and that was that. It felt great for my mother to finally know me and all the feelings I've been keeping from her for these 20-odd years. Nothing was different between us as she accepted this already at some point but waited for me to tell her with my own mouth.

    Being on a role, I called my sisters up and told them I had important news, to which I also stated my homosexuality. I wasn't nervous; it felt so natural to tell them this.

  25. #175
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    Re: How to come out?

    Well! I Came Out To My Community!

    Can you please give me some "TIPS" !

    Boy! I never realised how difficult it is to remove SPIT from your Car Windshield! But I am learning!

    Go here:

    Click Here

    Thanks for ANY help you could give me?

    Hugs..........Sam
    And if I'm right......I have to blow ya!


    Hugs ............. Sam

  26. #176
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    Re: How to come out?

    hello people i have been wanting, for so long to be able to be out but in a nutshell i am just scarred to death about the whole idea, its hard growing up gay in a small southern town, it really puts a stopper on things having two ministers for parents as well, though dont get me wrong its not my parents that im worried about they are great parents, best in the world as far as i care. im sure my dad know as he found all my gay porn on the computer when i was like 13 (so lame) my dad often reminds me that he will always love me even if i am gay. its my friends that im worried about i dont handle rejection very well and there are some sick people around these parts just last summer an openly gay kid at a school one district over was beaten until dead because he was gay, there are 3 dudes at my school who are out and their lives are not by any means easy either people are so cruel, and it breaks my heart because i feel like a total prick bastard for just laying low if i came out it might be a little better for them but idk... every time i try to come out i always puss out at the last second even to go so far as to say "i need to tell you something" create an uncomfortable pause then follow up with a "never mind" or something totally idiotic like "crack kills" or something like that. i have been dropping huge clues lately as i am sick of it all. i just want to be able to be a real person and not have to hide anything. im sick of being lonely, never had a boyfriend, never kissed a guy, never held hands or loved someone that felt the same about me.
    sorry to ramble on like that, just felt good to say some of this stuff to someone.
    i am ready, i just dont know how

  27. #177
    risingcain
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    Re: How to come out?

    roland you are good .. thanks for your advice

  28. #178
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    Re: How to come out?

    I didn't fully accept myself as gay until last year so the only person I got to tell was my cousin, who is also my best friend. We were in the car one night and she asked me if I was interested in seeing a girl. I felt this was the right moment so I told her I was gay and it felt so nice to let it out and to get support from her was amazing. We were close before but now we're even closer cause I feel like I can tell her anything.

  29. #179
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    Re: How to come out?

    Anybody thought of this? The way I'm going to come out is this: one day my family wants to go out for dinner and ask if I can bring a date. Tell my boyfriend that I'm going to come out and I want him there to help, but make it a surprise and tell him to meet us there. He comes up to the table and I introduce him as my boyfriend Cuts the ice and the way my family is they would get a kick out of it. It will be one of those were its serious at the moment then laugh later on that day.

  30. #180
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by emoangel View Post
    Anybody thought of this? The way I'm going to come out is this: one day my family wants to go out for dinner and ask if I can bring a date. Tell my boyfriend that I'm going to come out and I want him there to help, but make it a surprise and tell him to meet us there. He comes up to the table and I introduce him as my boyfriend Cuts the ice and the way my family is they would get a kick out of it. It will be one of those were its serious at the moment then laugh later on that day.
    To each their own, and you know your family and how to treat them more than anyone. If you think this is a good idea, go for it.

    However, I notice that you contradicted yourself: You said they'd "get a kick out of it" and then mentioned it'd be "serious at the moment then laugh later on that day." People who get a kick out of something laugh immediately.

    Just be careful that this doesn't backfire, or that you aren't criticized for being insensitive. If this happened to me, I'd be 1) surprised; 2) annoyed; 3) mildly offended; and 4) very uncomfortable until we talked more--and I'm gay myself!

    Anyway, good luck! Let us know how the dinner-surprise goes.

  31. #181
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eagle653 View Post
    To each their own, and you know your family and how to treat them more than anyone. If you think this is a good idea, go for it.

    However, I notice that you contradicted yourself: You said they'd "get a kick out of it" and then mentioned it'd be "serious at the moment then laugh later on that day." People who get a kick out of something laugh immediately.

    Just be careful that this doesn't backfire, or that you aren't criticized for being insensitive. If this happened to me, I'd be 1) surprised; 2) annoyed; 3) mildly offended; and 4) very uncomfortable until we talked more--and I'm gay myself!

    Anyway, good luck! Let us know how the dinner-surprise goes.
    I came out to friends that way, just randomly doing something to prove it. What I meant before was they would kind of laugh like they wouldn't believe me then when we sit down talk seriously about it then laugh cuz now we got a funny story to tell.

  32. #182
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    Re: How to come out?

    I came out to my best friend/roommate a few months ago, and he's been pretty supportive, even though it was awkward.
    We had after hours with some friends at our place and eventually everyone left or crashed except this one gay kid I barely knew. We did many shots and he hit on me, and despite not being too attracted to him, we slept with each other. I hadn't done anything with a guy in a long time, I'd always been very opportunistic about it, never seeking men out or hitting on them in fear of outing myself and creating a complicated situation. And NEVER talking about it to anyone.

    Anyway, in the morning we woke up and fooled around some more. He asked for some water. I went downstairs to get him some to find my roommate watching TV, greeting me. So I was a bit nervous about how to deal with getting the naked boy in my room out without my friend noticing, or if I even cared. Until I realized my he has other gay friends and I wasn't ashamed anyway.
    When I took the water upstairs, the guy said he had to puke (too many shots I suppose). So I'm frantically thinking of how to deal with that, almost ready to tell him to just go down to the bathroom anyway. But then he puked in my doorway, and my roommate yells up "Matt, did you just ralph?". I was at a bit of a loss for words. Then he appears in the stairway to see the naked guy standing over a pile of vomit, and got us some paper towels.

    After a few months of trying to be openly bi, and him trying to get me to hookup with various girls, I basically told him I wasn't going to be bringing any girls home, and he said "yeah, I kinda thought that".
    And he asks me about a couple guys I've dated since then and I'm out to a few mutual friends too. I'm not sure if the other housemates know. I suspect they do, but they never say or ask and I feel awkward when trying to mention it.

    Now I'm attempting to come out to my mother and sister this weekend when the come for my college graduation.

  33. #183

    Re: How to come out?

    i am 23 a christian and in the closet. i feel like the christian inside me is saying you shouldn't be this way. this is not right. but my heart is saying you can't help it. i have had a girlfriend. it did not feel right. when we would kiss, i would not be into it. i felt like i HAD to kiss her. we broke up after a few months of dating. i am attracted to guys. i have always had "girl"friends but always felt uncomfortable around guys. one of my coworkers asked me if i had a date for valentines day. i said no. he asked me if i had a girlfriend. i said no. he then asked me if i had any guy-friends. i said none that live in cali. that's the closest i have come to coming out. a couple weeks ago he asked me so you're straight? and i said rather quickly, yes. i said it too quickly. he dropped it after i said yes. i work in a clothing store and i love shopping, fashion, i know more about clothing brands than most of my male coworkers. i cant i need advice on how to come out. i feel like i am keeping my self from love by not being true to myself and who i am. both my parents have found porn on my computer. gay porn. my mom has asked me when she's found it if im gay and i've said no. i'm in denial. i have a feeling that if i tell her she wouldn't be surprised. but i don't know what to do. i work with a lesbian. and i was thinking about asking her what to do. but i have a coworker who will spread any rumor she hears like the plague. upside is they don't know i'm gay, but everyone knows what that she's a lesbian. so the dating thought is at least defendable. What do i do? Help! Please! i have been thinking about the dinner aspect of it with my mom then my dad. They're not at all homophobic. So that helps.

  34. #184
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    Re: How to come out?

    ^Relax!

    Your parents already know. They're just waiting for you to tell them. It will be much easier when you do. Good luck!
    The world never changes if you're forever "minding my own business".
    The mindset that no one knows you're gay because you haven't told them,
    is like the dog that thinks you don't see him stealing the steak because he avoids your glance.
    Staying in the closet is like continuing to sit in the back of the bus.
    It's accepting that it's wrong to be who you are.

  35. #185
    On the Prowl Daddydgk's Avatar
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    Re: How to come out?

    This post does include religion. This post is about how I did come out. It is indeed long. This is what happen to me. Please read all of it be for replying to this. I hate when one person reads something and replies to it without reading the whole thing.
    Most people think being gay is genetic. The thing that pisses me off is when people can cure homosexuality. Curing homosexuality proves your not happy with who you are. I'm Christian. I do know a lot of other Christians. The other thing that makes me upset when I was in elementary and in middle school. People always said your going to hell if you are with the same sex. That's one of the thing that tore me down the most. I grew up with a lot of guys who would tare me down and bring me down and judge me for being different. I used to deny who I was. I always used to be upset because I thought I wasn't good enough. Why was I brought to this world. I couldn't come out to anyone or Be honest with anyone. Mostly because of people saying People who are with the same sex would burn in hell. I thought to myself If that's true then why did God make us all different. Why should I go to hell for being so different. When I got middle school it was worst. It was mostly the guys who made fun of guys who they thought were gay. Saying shit like "your a fag" or "your gay" I didn't want anyone to know that I was gay till I was comfortable. I hate the fact that people don't understand what it's like to be gay and so much more different then that person. I mostly spent time with girls because they were easier to relate to. They weren't mean either like the guys were. I was scared because I didn't want to be made fun or no one would like me. I did like a guy named Tyler who I was obsessed with. Like always thought about obsessed. He was straight. I always asked about him witch was a hint of me trying to come out. I felt like I could be honest with him. Like something was telling me I could tell him anything. I never did tell him I was gay. Because I never knew how he would react. I will end this because it's getting to long. If you have a friend and tell them your gay and they never talk to you again or treat you differently then they used to. They aren't good or true friends. Never change yourself by curing homosexuality.
    Changing who are isn't the answer. I never came out and told anyone I was gay till my junior year and senior year in high school. Witch were my best friends who were girls Kasey and Hannah. Who I trusted. They love me for who I am and I love them. They are like sisters to me. I don't believe I will go to hell for being gay. Because everyone is different in every way and I don't think any gay should go to hell for being different.

    I don't know if this helps or if this happen to anyone during their childhood. I'm sorry if it seems mean or rude or hurtful in anyway. This is MY EXPERIENCE AND HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO COME OUT.

  36. #186
    MikeyLove
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by Daddydgk View Post
    This post does include religion. This post is about how I did come out. It is indeed long. This is what happen to me. Please read all of it be for replying to this. I hate when one person reads something and replies to it without reading the whole thing.
    Most people think being gay is genetic. The thing that pisses me off is when people can cure homosexuality. Curing homosexuality proves your not happy with who you are. I'm Christian. I do know a lot of other Christians. The other thing that makes me upset when I was in elementary and in middle school. People always said your going to hell if you are with the same sex. That's one of the thing that tore me down the most. I grew up with a lot of guys who would tare me down and bring me down and judge me for being different. I used to deny who I was. I always used to be upset because I thought I wasn't good enough. Why was I brought to this world. I couldn't come out to anyone or Be honest with anyone. Mostly because of people saying People who are with the same sex would burn in hell. I thought to myself If that's true then why did God make us all different. Why should I go to hell for being so different. When I got middle school it was worst. It was mostly the guys who made fun of guys who they thought were gay. Saying shit like "your a fag" or "your gay" I didn't want anyone to know that I was gay till I was comfortable. I hate the fact that people don't understand what it's like to be gay and so much more different then that person. I mostly spent time with girls because they were easier to relate to. They weren't mean either like the guys were. I was scared because I didn't want to be made fun or no one would like me. I did like a guy named Tyler who I was obsessed with. Like always thought about obsessed. He was straight. I always asked about him witch was a hint of me trying to come out. I felt like I could be honest with him. Like something was telling me I could tell him anything. I never did tell him I was gay. Because I never knew how he would react. I will end this because it's getting to long. If you have a friend and tell them your gay and they never talk to you again or treat you differently then they used to. They aren't good or true friends. Never change yourself by curing homosexuality.
    Changing who are isn't the answer. I never came out and told anyone I was gay till my junior year and senior year in high school. Witch were my best friends who were girls Kasey and Hannah. Who I trusted. They love me for who I am and I love them. They are like sisters to me. I don't believe I will go to hell for being gay. Because everyone is different in every way and I don't think any gay should go to hell for being different.

    I don't know if this helps or if this happen to anyone during their childhood. I'm sorry if it seems mean or rude or hurtful in anyway. This is MY EXPERIENCE AND HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO COME OUT.
    Daddy, Thanks for sharing. Homosexuality cannot be cured by any means available in this world we live in, and the most powerful tool we have is Prayer, and even Prayer will not cure being Gay- believe me, many of us here have tried praying it away for years. I am Catholic, and I came out at 45 years old back in July 23, 2008- 2nd anniversary 2 days ago. Keep your head on your neck up.

  37. #187
    Problem? Nomenclature's Avatar
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    Re: How to come out?

    Knock knock.


    "Who's there?"


    I'm gay.
    Quote Originally Posted by Entity View Post
    "PLACE MY GENETALIA IN THE THING YOU EAT AND BREATH WITH, OMG TRY TO EAT IT WITHOUT USING YOUR TEETH!! AHHH" *cums everywhere*

  38. #188

    Re: How to come out?

    Hello. I am a completely new user. I am currently a freshman in college as well, and would like advice on coming out to my parents. I have zero experience in the gay community and have only recently come out to everyone other than family. I went to a new university with all strangers, so I am 100% open at school. My parents are both catholic, but neither is conservative. They are very loving and supportive of me. I have been posting things online about my outrage over the suicides due to harassment and my mother seems supportive of the cause. I also told her I joined the lgbt equity office at my university and she said she supported it. I am confindent, however, that she does not know I am gay. My father knows nothing either. They both make nonchalant comments about me meeting women and having children. I'm terrified of telling them. I am not financially dependent upon them, and have a strong friend group of support. There is also a good deal of turmoil involving a cibling arrest at the moment. Opinions on how/when to do this and how they may react?

  39. #189
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    Re: How to come out?

    It's funny how it worked out for me. The first person I came out to was in July 2009. I went through the confusion of knowing I was attracted to guys, but trying to make it work with girls. So I meet this one girl, and as I pursued her to hang out, she gave me the cold shoulder and avoided me. I find out later that she is a lesbian. That got me thinking "wow I try to go after a girl and she's a lesbian, maybe it's just destiny for me to come out." So eventually after becoming more friendly with her, I got her to hang out with me, but this time with the intentions of having someone to share my secret with.

    So we're hanging out and after making some small talk I said, "I have something to tell you...I think I might be bi." She asks me, "well, what do you like better...guys or girls?" I told her guys, and then after rambling on for a several minutes about my repressed feelings for guys, she says, "you're not bi. you're gay." We both laughed and I finally had that moment of clarity and said "you're right. I am gay." She became my best friend and eventually we got an apartment together. She hooked me up with my first guy, and over the next few weeks, I had the confidence to come out to all of my other friends and my family. The reaction all around was positive. It felt so great after years of feeling alone, feeling that nobody in my life really knew who I was, to finally be set free to share my life with others...and in turn, noticing that others became more open to sharing their lives with me.

    One thing I'll never forget from my closeted years, was reading stories from others about coming out and how it was the best thing they ever did. I could not understand it. I was wrapped up in so much fear that I couldn't imagine a positive outcome. But I got to a point where I realized that speculation over my sexuality was hurting me more than acknowledgment would. It is the best thing you can do for yourself to move on with the life you want to live.

  40. #190
    Temeritous hirsuteness
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by ToolFan24 View Post
    Hello. I am a completely new user. I am currently a freshman in college as well, and would like advice on coming out to my parents. I have zero experience in the gay community and have only recently come out to everyone other than family. I went to a new university with all strangers, so I am 100% open at school. My parents are both catholic, but neither is conservative. They are very loving and supportive of me. I have been posting things online about my outrage over the suicides due to harassment and my mother seems supportive of the cause. I also told her I joined the lgbt equity office at my university and she said she supported it. I am confindent, however, that she does not know I am gay. My father knows nothing either. They both make nonchalant comments about me meeting women and having children. I'm terrified of telling them. I am not financially dependent upon them, and have a strong friend group of support. There is also a good deal of turmoil involving a cibling arrest at the moment. Opinions on how/when to do this and how they may react?
    Of course your parents know. Don't kid yourself. They might not want to admit it, but they know.

    It sounds like they're very loving parents who would have no problem with you coming out. But it's always good to brace yourself for the slight possibility they might have a problem. So, don't approach them overconfidently and then freak if they freak out.

    Just be honest and tell them, expecting the worst but hoping for the best. And don't let other life circumstances (sibling arrest) get in the way of your coming out. You could postpone forever that way. Just do it.

    Quote Originally Posted by tipmyscales86 View Post
    One thing I'll never forget from my closeted years, was reading stories from others about coming out and how it was the best thing they ever did. I could not understand it. I was wrapped up in so much fear that I couldn't imagine a positive outcome. But I got to a point where I realized that speculation over my sexuality was hurting me more than acknowledgment would. It is the best thing you can do for yourself to move on with the life you want to live.
    Great observations!
    The world never changes if you're forever "minding my own business".
    The mindset that no one knows you're gay because you haven't told them,
    is like the dog that thinks you don't see him stealing the steak because he avoids your glance.
    Staying in the closet is like continuing to sit in the back of the bus.
    It's accepting that it's wrong to be who you are.

  41. #191
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    Re: How to come out?

    Just remember there are plenty of psychiatrists and pastors who have gay parishioners - openly gay and otherwise - and clients, and are glad to talk them through their journeys without "fixing" them. I happen to be an Episcopalian where I've had straight priests more gay-friendly than my gay friends and gay priests whose very presence was life and love affirming. It's your choice to choose a mentor/counselor/guide who will help you on your journey, not somebody else's. They're out there, I suggest you find one, and I think you're on the right track. Thank you for sharing a portion of your life with us.

  42. #192
    MikeyLove
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    Re: How to come out?

    For those who are still in the closet, and have their own personal reasons for not coming out; don't let anyone tell you that you have to come out now- just take your time. Oh, and if you have a very str8 roomie in College, take your laptop with you everywhere, and close it at night before bed or when you have a hook up over for the night. It's actually be best if the laptop is either under your bed or put away. I would not trust roomie with it. Keep yourself safe, and come out on your own terms.

  43. #193
    MikeyLove
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by MikeyLove View Post
    WOW! It seems like it was so long ago since my outing. It feels so good to be free!
    In the past few weeks, I now have a wonderful Boyfriend!

  44. #194
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    Re: How to come out?

    Okay, guys.... I've told my brother and I've told my sister. My parents are very traditional and look down on homosexuality...I want to tell them about me. I feel like i shouldnt hold this from them. Im 30 now. At the same time, i dont wanna give them a heart attack....i just hate keeping this from ANYBODY already. I've been living as a homo in secret. Only a few friends know, but thats it. Is it better for my parents NOT to know than to know??

  45. #195
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    Re: How to come out?

    One thing I'd like to add for anybody reading that is going through a coming out process...I believe an important early stage of coming out is to prevent yourself from falling into any kind of homophobic behavior. There was a point in high school while I was discovering myself when I consciously stopped saying things like "thats so gay" or using the word "fag" to describe someone I didn't like. Little phrases like that have become so ingrained in society without much thought, and if you feed into it, you will internalize homophobia and make it harder for you to come out to the first person you need to come out to, yourself.

  46. #196
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    Re: How to come out?

    Tonight I was soaking in the bathtub, thinking about things completely unrelated. I had just worked out and it was intense because I haven't been doing it regularly since last fall. So I was lying there, pondering various facets of life, and craved a cigarette. I haven't had one in months. I've had the same pack for about a year, which I keep in my desk to revisit for the occasional late night bath-time contemplation. At the top of my mind had been a friend of mine, who I dated and broke up with a few months ago, who has been strangely critical, rudely and presumptuously, in recent weeks. So as I normally do in times of intended confrontation, I incessantly overthink and rehearse what to say. I thought about what he said, the bulk of which was petty, unfair, and childish, and I think was done out of me having broken up with him, thinking there is something wrong with him thus pointing out things wrong with me, all of which are flaws I am keenly aware of.

    The importance of that is what it led to. I thought about what my TRUE problems consist of, what is really holding me back. In this fully-relaxed and introspective moment, I felt exuberantly confident, as though I knew exactly what had to be done. In the past year since I came out to a couple friends, started dating men, and became the happiest I've been as an adult, it finally felt right: I knew I could come out to my mom.

    2:30AM: I knew she'd been having trouble sleeping and would still be awake. I had spoken with here earlier in the day regarding family disputes she needed to vent. In the past year, so many times visiting and seeing here face to face, it always being right there are the front of my mind, fighting the urge to confess what I never did. But somehow tonight, I gained the urge to do it. To prove to myself that I am capable of fighting my ridiculous tendencies to avoid any and all confrontation. I knew that if I could tell her, I wouldn't care what anyone else thought. I knew I've had a gradually decreasing weight over my head for the past year that no longer deserved to be carried in the slightest. I decided it was time to let go of my fear of how others might perceive me as gay. Whatever reason I had to hold onto that, I lost right there, with that cigarette. I knew this so certainly that the most rational thought against it I could conjure was that I would never feel this ability again, not for a long time, and I would resent myself for losing it. There was no going back; tonight was the night.

    I drained the tub, did some pacing. When first called, she didn't answer, but then she called me but it went to voicemail because I called her again... so we had something to laugh about at first. She was in a far better mood than she was that day, possibly due to the Paxil. We talked about many things first: my nephew, my sister, her dim-witted fiance, bills, taxes, other family, etc. When she started to end the conversation, I told her there was something else I wanted to talk to her about. Knowing she would expect the worst, "Nothing bad, nothing to be worried about."
    "What's wrong? What do you have? What did you do?"
    I explained it was nothing like that. I explained there was something I've been wanted to talk to her about for a while now, but just never could. Then I blurted it out.
    "What!?", she sounded more dumbfounded that shocked.
    "Why are you this way?... You like MEN!?...No one in our family is gay... You can get AIDS you know, do you know that?"
    I told her I am very aware of AIDS and straight people can acquire it as well. I explained to her that I hadn't fully admitted it to myself until about a year ago but always knew I was attracted to men.
    The conversation went on. She asked if it was because of her or something she did. I told her I don't know why it is the way it is. She assured me she wouldn't disown me and still loves me. "Well, if that's your preference... Thanks for telling me."

    It was neither the best or worst reaction I had considered. She didn't exactly welcome it. I'm not sure how to feel now. For a fleeting moment, I felt there truly is something wrong with me, that I'm not gay or don't have to be. I almost regretted having said anything. I don't feel that way now, but it was just such a range of confusing emotions to deal with. Sometimes I feel my family is too damn ignorant to fully accept this the way I would like them to, as if such an ideal situation could possibly exist.

  47. #197
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    Re: How to come out?

    Ok so im bi and i kno it have come out to most of my friends, and im ready to tell my parents but right now they are dealing with my sister doing some pretty serious stuff and she is only 15, do I hold off on telling them or should i tell them anyway? any advice is appreciated

  48. #198
    On the Prowl Jeffrules's Avatar
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    Re: How to come out?

    Hi I'm new,I thought I ask for some advice.I am kinda confused or unaccepting the fact that I may be gay.I just don't know how to deal with it.It's so fuckin hard,but I'm slowly coming to terms with it.I just wanna know what can I do to make myself comfortable?I can't deal with these feelings.
    Maybe I need to accept it more then come out,Or should I just come out,and have some support.I don't know.

  49. #199
    MikeyLove
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    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffrules View Post
    Hi I'm new,I thought I ask for some advice.I am kinda confused or unaccepting the fact that I may be gay.I just don't know how to deal with it.It's so fuckin hard,but I'm slowly coming to terms with it.I just wanna know what can I do to make myself comfortable?I can't deal with these feelings.
    Maybe I need to accept it more then come out,Or should I just come out,and have some support.I don't know.
    You have a wonderful support group on JUB, and that is a good start. Then you need to accept yourself before coming out, and once you accept yourself, it will be much easier to come out to others. Do not let anyone tell you that you have to come out now...come out on your own terms and on your own time table.

  50. #200
    On the Prowl Jeffrules's Avatar
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    Re: How to come out?

    Thank for that,I guess your right.I just feel like I want to ,but something is telling me.Don't do it.I'll figure it out.Hopefully.

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