How to come out?

[GBirdie]

Hi there, I'm new here.... but I've actually seen this site for quite a long time, just didn't join.

Anyway, about me, I'm pretty sure I'm gay but I only realised it since about 3 years ago. Since I was 13, I kinda admired boys more than girls, but I thought it was just a phase or that it was normal. But then I gave in to the thought that maybe I was gay, and tried to accept it, up until now. I don't hate myself for being gay, in fact, I kinda like it, but the problem is, in my country, everybody isn't as open and free about these kind of topics.

I'm in secondary school now, and I've actually planned on telling one of my friends, one of my closest friends so to say... but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. There was a time when I was determined and ready to tell him, but when the time came, the words just couldn't come out of my mouth. I would either just call him, then say it was nothing, or my mouth would just try to change the topic.

On the other hand, even though I'm pretty ready, I'm just afraid of losing a friend, just in case, since I've never actually heard about any gay people in my school yet. I guess their all bottled up because of the society I'm in.

Sorry if its a little long, but I just need you people's advice. pls post whatever you guys can say.

Thanks.

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

...
On the other hand, even though I'm pretty ready, I'm just afraid of losing a friend, just in case, since I've never actually heard about any gay people in my school yet. I guess their all bottled up because of the society I'm in.
...

Telling the first person is always the hardest but once you've got that out in the open, you will have a tremendous weight lifted off your shoulders.

Do you know what his stance on the matter is? Has he ever said negative things about gay people? By the way, calling things 'gay' does not count as it is so prevalent in today's society that it's lost its original connection. Does he dislike anyone because they are gay (eg. celebrities)?

It's a hard step to take, but if you trust him and you believe he will be ok with it then you should go ahead with it. You have already said that you are ready except that you are afraid of losing a friend. You can't really be more ready than this because you will always have some fear the first time.

[GBirdie]

Do you know what his stance on the matter is? Has he ever said negative things about gay people? By the way, calling things 'gay' does not count as it is so prevalent in today's society that it's lost its original connection. Does he dislike anyone because they are gay (eg. celebrities)?

It's a hard step to take, but if you trust him and you believe he will be ok with it then you should go ahead with it. You have already said that you are ready except that you are afraid of losing a friend. You can't really be more ready than this because you will always have some fear the first time.

Well, not that I know of him saying negative things about them.... we usually don't talk much about these, well, cause of the society I live in, I said before. But well, there are a couple of lesbians in our school, and they seem to be getting along fine, but I don't personally know any of them, so just too bad.

I really wish I could tell him, since I do trust him. Its just that, first of all, I'm afraid of losing a friend that I've known so well. And besides that, I'm just afraid that he'll look at me/things differently. Like say.... when I'm playing with other friends, or during class trips or sometimes swimming/picnic trips, I'm just afraid that he'll think differently of me, and maybe avoid staying near me or whatever, during those times, even if he understands me...... well, you guys should know..... hard to explain how its like, but I can imagine it, since once you know something about someone, you can't 'unknow' it or look at things as it was.

Another thing I'm nervous about is How I'm gonna tell him. Should I actually plan what to say, or just find a time and blurt it out?.... I've actually told another close friend of mine quite some time ago. But I think I kinda put the sentence slightly wrongly, and he misunderstood me, so things didn't turn out too good, but well, he's still one of my closest friends, just that he pretends that I never told him anything about it, since I told him to do that if he felt uncomfortable with it.

I just don't want to do the same thing again and have someone knowing, but yet trying to pretend he doesn't know. Any advice, anyone?

Thanks

[user name]

why do you feel like you need to tell him?

[tomersh]

sb is right...

every closeted guy thinks that nobody knows. And the'yre usually wrong.

He's told you he has no problem with gay people.. so.. maybe he was letting you know it's ok to tell him?

I found the best way to tell someone (and I haven't had to in a LONG time), is to just blurt it out. don't make a big deal, don't give a big set up or a big preamble.. just.. blurt it out.

And good for you for wanting to live life as who you are.

Lots of men dont' EVER have the guts to do that.

i agree with you...i think he mentioned the fact that he doesn't have a problem with gay people is because he knows or at least thinks that there is a chance that you are.....and trust me....no matter how you act some things ,the smallest things, give you away...things you can't control and you don't think much of, to the people around you (mostly your friends) they might indicate other wise......that's why i think it's the easiest to come out to your friends first when you're ready

[tomersh]

Well, not that I know of him saying negative things about them.... we usually don't talk much about these, well, cause of the society I live in, I said before. But well, there are a couple of lesbians in our school, and they seem to be getting along fine, but I don't personally know any of them, so just too bad.

I really wish I could tell him, since I do trust him. Its just that, first of all, I'm afraid of losing a friend that I've known so well. And besides that, I'm just afraid that he'll look at me/things differently. Like say.... when I'm playing with other friends, or during class trips or sometimes swimming/picnic trips, I'm just afraid that he'll think differently of me, and maybe avoid staying near me or whatever, during those times, even if he understands me...... well, you guys should know..... hard to explain how its like, but I can imagine it, since once you know something about someone, you can't 'unknow' it or look at things as it was.

Another thing I'm nervous about is How I'm gonna tell him. Should I actually plan what to say, or just find a time and blurt it out?.... I've actually told another close friend of mine quite some time ago. But I think I kinda put the sentence slightly wrongly, and he misunderstood me, so things didn't turn out too good, but well, he's still one of my closest friends, just that he pretends that I never told him anything about it, since I told him to do that if he felt uncomfortable with it.

I just don't want to do the same thing again and have someone knowing, but yet trying to pretend he doesn't know. Any advice, anyone?

Thanks

actually i know what you mean cause it's one of the things i keep thinking about when i'm going to tell my friends how well they react or how well they act around me afterwards even if they accept me i keep thinking they'll still act weird .......i think the only way is if you really feel that it is the time to tell your friend you should just do it and hope for the best.....cause eventually the guy is one of your closest friends and if your not ganna trust him to accept you and be ok with it then who are you ganna trust?.....by the way where are you from?

[GBirdie]

I'm from Malaysia, anyway, Haha, haven't checked this post for quite some time lol.

Guess quite some things happened in the last month.
I managed to tell that friend of mine. Well, actually, I didn't 'tell', he guessed it.... I was just saying that I had something important to tell him, and that it was one of my largest secrets.... and he asked for some time to think (I think he was analyzing what he knew about me, lol), and after 20 mins, he knew what it was all about and some other details about it, without me having to say anything except yes and no.

For now.... he's taken things fine, though he doesn't really understand how the hell I became gay, and still can't really accept it, tries to find girls for me (without success). But he's still one of my best friends, and he's the same old guy. A few more people know now, including his girlfriend (which I asked him to tell), and another girl.

[tomersh]

I'm from Malaysia, anyway, Haha, haven't checked this post for quite some time lol.

Guess quite some things happened in the last month.
I managed to tell that friend of mine. Well, actually, I didn't 'tell', he guessed it.... I was just saying that I had something important to tell him, and that it was one of my largest secrets.... and he asked for some time to think (I think he was analyzing what he knew about me, lol), and after 20 mins, he knew what it was all about and some other details about it, without me having to say anything except yes and no.

For now.... he's taken things fine, though he doesn't really understand how the hell I became gay, and still can't really accept it, tries to find girls for me (without success). But he's still one of my best friends, and he's the same old guy. A few more people know now, including his girlfriend (which I asked him to tell), and another girl.

well what can i say..just read the post.....
well i'm really happy for you and i hope everything goes well .......your friend sounds like a good guy i think he'll eventually accept it...but at least he's standing by your side....

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

well what can i say..just read the post.....
well i'm really happy for you and i hope everything goes well .......your friend sounds like a good guy i think he'll eventually accept it...but at least he's standing by your side....

I agree. If he's still your friend now then I think he will eventually fully accept it. Some people need time to adjust to new information.

Congratulations!

[GBirdie]

Haha, thanks guys....

In fact it gets easier each time you tell..... told another girl just this tuesday and another guy yesterday. They're fine with it lol.

[keinetic]

Haha, thanks guys....

In fact it gets easier each time you tell..... told another girl just this tuesday and another guy yesterday. They're fine with it lol.

Things do get easier after the 1st step. I was worried like you since I was living in Malaysia as well. But after I came out, I found that most people don't really care. Now, I'd already come out to 7 persons and I no longer hide my sexuality

Hope that your future coming out will be as good

[shanechislehurst20]

I kinda have a problem with coming out. I have become withdrawn from people I care about because of the way i feel. I still wake u and have trouble accepting myself. I know if I tell my fam it'll probably tear the family up so I feel that i can't talk to them, and I have the problem that i can't trust people not to spread it. And because I'm going to uni in a new place i kinda got a whole new load of friends. And I can't get a bf til i tell people. Plus i don't know who to talk to about places to go. It's just so hard and I fell that something is wrong with me. My family would argue about it, and I don't want t cause any problems because of me.
I could try to meet someone at uni who may be gay, but the minute I try to find out who is and isn't is the time when people will find out and I don't think I could cope with them either rejecting me or telling everyone and making me feel even more alienated. You guys that have come out are much braver than me. I'm normally one of those people that can do anything, but this is just a different thing. I joined some sites online, and talked to people similar and stuff. I'm far happier talking to others who are like me.

[GBirdie]

I think first thing you gotta do is go out and meet people...

Right now, you sound like you need some friends. Get a hobby, a job, or something.... I guess you're about 19?? Find something you like to do, and get to know more people, make friends... and find someone you can trust. If you think you shouldn't tell your family, then don't.... or at least, don't yet.

And btw... DON'T feel that there's something wrong with you.... There's nothing wrong. Thats all I can say... since I'm also kinda new to these stuff...

Hope you get better.

[Lasosa]

Hey, everybody. I've been a lurker here for quite some time, but now I feel it's time to contribute since it seems like a very nice community.

Anyway, I turn 22 soon, and I know that it's finally time for me to come out. Up until a couple of months ago, I was convinced that I'd stay closeted forever, but a lot has changed since then.

So, I'm actually seeking some advice on good ways to come out. What I've been wanting to do is write a blog (myspace and livejournal) about it and to just let all my friends find out from there. There's a lot I need to get off my chest, and I just feel like this is a good way to fill everybody in on it. For some reason, however, I feel like this might turn out negatively. Would it be better to do it in person? Has anybody else had some experience with coming out like this?

I'm so excited to do this, and I just want to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Thanks.

[shadowfox]

hi Lasosa!

I wouldn't say I'm totally out but I started telling one of my best friend about it. Telling it was so hard but in the end I just blurted it out. It took her sometime to digest what I had just said but in the end she congratulated me for the courage. I also had a hear-to-heart talk with my sis and bro and they supported me.
Most of the times we think that our family and friends will reject us if we tell them that we're gay but one thing I know, they always have some inkling idea that somehow we're different(or not straight).
To be honest I still struggle to tell other people. I only told one friend and since I moved to New Jersey, I have to tell the others who are already there and like I said it's hard.
But we will get by this stage. I know that. We just have to trust and believe in ourselves...

[drhladnjak]

They're are many ways to come out and different ways work for different people in different circumstances. One advantage you'd have using a blog is that you can craft your words exactly. Another is that it may be easier to convey the idea in writing that it's not a big deal. In particular, that can avoid awkward conversations that may arise if and when you want to tell somebody you know but who you're not particularly close with ("hmm... why is he telling ME this?"). Coming out in person is often harder to plan because there may be questions or other reactions by who you're telling that may divert what you were planning to say.

In my case, I came out on my blog after I'd come out to a few key people in person already. Looking back, it actually worked pretty well. Keep in mind that typically anybody could read your blog. Even if it has friends-only features, a friend could show it to somebody else. You have to treat it as a public announcement that you're gay. In my case, I didn't want my parents (for example) to find out I was gay from my blog so I made sure to tell them first. At the time I didn't think they were reading it, but you really can never be sure.

[Matt18]

I havent come out and am scared to death of doing it because I dont know how people will react. I am comfortable with it after struggling for a few years. I will probably just wait till I move out of home and am completely independant before I tell my family. I hope that one day soon I can pluck up the courage to tell my best friend. (Ive known him my whole life so I think he will take it well.) I just wish I had a friend who was gay so I could talk to them about it. This thread and forum in general is helping though.

[echuck]

I'm married with two kids, college age. I'm happily married but consider myself bisexual. I met a really great guy and I want both I know it sounds selfish but I do love my wife very much. Please help me with my problem.


Chuck

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

I hope that one day soon I can pluck up the courage to tell my best friend. (Ive known him my whole life so I think he will take it well.) I just wish I had a friend who was gay so I could talk to them about it. This thread and forum in general is helping though.

The first best friend I told in high school didn't take it well at all. I haven't spoken to him since. My current best friend is fantastic though. Telling him was the best decision I've ever made.

I think your situation will be more like the second. You've been friends all your life so there is something there that won't just disappear.

I wish you all the best.

[Matt18]

Thanks for the reply. I may tell my friend but im not sure yet. I wish coming out wasnt so hard lol.

[pistolperry]

I'm married with two kids, college age. I'm happily married but consider myself bisexual. I met a really great guy and I want both I know it sounds selfish but I do love my wife very much. Please help me with my problem.


Chuck

maybe you just want the guy as a really good friend?? are you attracted to him? are you attracted to your wife?

[pistolperry]

i really don't know what to do myself...my parents would be extremely disappointed in the best case and absoutely ticked and might kick me out in the absolute worst case. no clue on how my friends would take it. i've had serious relationships w/ 3 girls and have no clue how it might hurt them. just found out i got accepted into college which is a whole nother round of "now what?" am i just maybe bi?? confused? agh! my senior proms coming up and will prolly be going w/ a girl but deep down i'll probably be all messed up. shoudl i be out in college or somewhat closeted the whole time? i've heard there's no such thing is bisexual? is this true? i just have so many questiosn.

[provenlogic]

i really don't know what to do myself...my parents would be extremely disappointed in the best case and absoutely ticked and might kick me out in the absolute worst case. no clue on how my friends would take it. i've had serious relationships w/ 3 girls and have no clue how it might hurt them. just found out i got accepted into college which is a whole nother round of "now what?" am i just maybe bi?? confused? agh! my senior proms coming up and will prolly be going w/ a girl but deep down i'll probably be all messed up. shoudl i be out in college or somewhat closeted the whole time? i've heard there's no such thing is bisexual? is this true? i just have so many questiosn.

Well the best thing to do if you have questions is to ask . That's what JUB is here for, and that's what we're here to answer. So ask away, tell us your story in depth. What are your concerns, and most importantly, shed any pretense you might have and be real. What do you feel about yourself?

Are you gay? Are you Bi? First of all, what has helped you come to any sort of realization of your sexuality? Is it something you've always known? Is it something that's recent? Was there an experience involved? What do you REALLY think? Are you bi? Are you attracted to girls? Or have you just been doing it because it's what you've had to/been expected to do? Have you had any experiences with guys? Do you want to? Do you feel like you want only sexual relationships with guys, or do you really feel like it's more than that, that you want relationships with guys?

A lot of times, people when they first come to terms with their own sexuality, label themselves as bi. It's a way of "softening the blow" to themselves. People figure if they're bi, at least they're hanging on to "straightness" a little bit. But in that case, it really is another way of fooling one's self. Most people who say they are bi when they FIRST set upon coming out, or coming to terms with their own sexuality, do realize that they aren't bi, but gay, and that labeling themselves as bi was a last hold-over of being in the closet.

That's not to say they're aren't bi people, there are. But are you? That's only a question you can answer, and most people know it either way deep down. So deep down, are you really bi? Or are you gay? Either way, this is the best and safest place to take a first step in saying it, and accepting it yourself.

As for coming out in college, that's a whole other topic. I think more important is that you come to accept yourself first, and figure out if you are gay, or bi. Then you can worry about coming out to others in your life (it's not that hard by the way and your parents might not take it as badly as you think, beleive it or not; and you will do it eventually, it's just a matter of when you feel most comfortable with yourself). It may be that college is when you do it, it may be that you do it before you leave high school, or it may be after college. It depends on your situation. Tell us more about it .

Talk to us, ask questions. Start your own thread in the coming out section. We'll see you there . PM me if you'd like.

[Dan P Tally]

when I cumed out my 'rent were MAD! they told me i was in line with the devil! I still havent ever told my friends that im gay!!!?!?!?!?!?!?

aim: Fallen392

[starwars]

i did it today to my bi/gay mate, pretty easy, now i just need to ask him out

the conversation went as follows:

''..... You know last night i was on about that secret thingy bob'' - me

''Oh yeah, tell me'' - him

''Nah, its alright'' - me

''Oh FFS tell me!'' - him

''Your not the only one who is bisexual'' - me

''What, you are'' - him

''ummm...yep'' - me

''Cool, see its not that bad'' - him

then we started discussing when we found out, what percentage of us like the opposite sex, etc



- - - - - -

[crazyhorny]

Hahaha, i always find that being drunk helps a thousand fold. n fact i have told about 6 people (i only just started a few weeks ago) and i was drunk for 5 of them, but so were they. Start off by telling people you know will react positively to get the confidence up. I just wish i didn't have to do it so many times. They are always scary and emotionally draining. I swear it would be easier to just change my "interested in" on facebook to males and let everyone figure it out for themselves....

[UC3543]

Anyone come out by e-mail or mass e-mail. I have only come out to one person, but I am seriously considering sending an e-mail to my dad, and my two brothers and two sisters.

I see some advantages - this will give my famly members a chance to read the news, have a chance to digest it and then we can talk.

Also this way I'll be able to say exactly what I want them to know, if I tell them in person - I know I'll be nervous and not say exactly what i want.

Sure, part of the reason is that I'm scared to death, but I think in some ways it is better to do in written form.

(just an aside, recently a good friend told me he is getting married - he told me by e-mail and I'm glad he did, because I think it is a big mistake for him to be getting married right now, and if he had told me in person, I likely would have told him, that. but by doing iti in an e-mail t gave me a chance to come to terms with it and realize, he wasn't asking me for advice, so I was able to congratulate him properly)

OK, tell me why this is a bad idea

[noelie]

When I left a religious cult after 14 years of it I sent out a mass email telling everyone I had left and the reasons for it. IMO it would depend on how many people you had to tell and how far apart (geographically) they are. Wait and see what others say

Maybe a mod/admin can make this into a new thread for UC3543?

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

Well I've come out to three people via MSN. It's not the same as email because you've still got that 'live' aspect, but I find it is easier as my fingers never choke up

For me, coming out has become addictive. I dunno, I've never liked attention but maybe that's why. Now I want the attention I missed out on

[CTF]

Anyone come out by e-mail or mass e-mail. I have only come out to one person, but I am seriously considering sending an e-mail to my dad, and my two brothers and two sisters.

I see some advantages - this will give my famly members a chance to read the news, have a chance to digest it and then we can talk.

Also this way I'll be able to say exactly what I want them to know, if I tell them in person - I know I'll be nervous and not say exactly what i want.

Sure, part of the reason is that I'm scared to death, but I think in some ways it is better to do in written form.

(just an aside, recently a good friend told me he is getting married - he told me by e-mail and I'm glad he did, because I think it is a big mistake for him to be getting married right now, and if he had told me in person, I likely would have told him, that. but by doing iti in an e-mail t gave me a chance to come to terms with it and realize, he wasn't asking me for advice, so I was able to congratulate him properly)

OK, tell me why this is a bad idea

I hope that you don't mind, but I've taken your question and created a new thread for it.

Anyone ever come out by email, or mass email?

I'll be back in a bit to share my perspective on your post, and I hope that you're not horrified that I posted your question in the open for others to comment on.

If you don't like the idea then please post report this thread, or send me a PM and I'll take care of it for you.

[FLGG2007]

I think we can all appreciate the difficulty that exists in "coming out". (I didn't come out to myself until I was 50.) I first told a close friend from work. He was apparently str8, so I thought that he would be a good "test" case, to see how he reacted, and how I reacted to him.
Wrong.
He told me about having an older male lover between marriages that lasted for 5 years, until the guy died. He said he still cries for him, he misses him so much.

The next person I told was my str8 buddy I'd known for 30 years, since my days in the Army. He looked at me with a blank face, and wanted to know what he was supposed to do with that information. He really didn't care at all.

The third person I told was a guy I'd been panting over and j/o'ing over for 10 years... (and still do).... His reaction was "and this changes what, how?"

It's never as bad as we expect it to be. True friends don't care. But, I suppose it does sort out the true friends from the creeps in our lives pretty quickly. And who needs the proven creeps?

[FLGG2007]

Cancel posting. Came up in the wrong slot.

[MikeyLove]

5:30 this morning I called my Dad fearing his reaction because he already has one son who is gay, but another?? I was shaking as I dialed the number. I told my Dad about my Struggles. He was so absolutely fine with my being Gay; just like he is with my older Brother. I seriously thought that I disappointed him- He said, "What is there to be disappointed about? So what!" I cried like I did when I was younger. He told me that two of my Great Uncles were Gay, and that my Brother knew that I was Gay-Damn those so-called Gaydars! He He. I am sooo at ease now. I thank all JUBBERS whom I had the pleasure of commnicating with through email and chat room.

[MikeyLove]

5:30 this morning I called my Dad fearing his reaction because he already has one son who is gay, but another?? I was shaking as I dialed the number. I told my Dad about my Struggles. He was so absolutely fine with my being Gay; just like he is with my older Brother. I seriously thought that I disappointed him- He said, "What is there to be disappointed about? So what!" I cried like I did when I was younger. He told me that two of my Great Uncles were Gay, and that my Brother knew that I was Gay-Damn those so-called Gaydars! He He. I am sooo at ease now. I thank all JUBBERS whom I had the pleasure of commnicating with through email and chat room. Any Jubbers who wish to contact me may do so directly: msb43@q.com.

[MikeyLove]

5:30 this morning I called my Dad fearing his reaction because he already has one son who is gay, but another?? I was shaking as I dialed the number. I told my Dad about my Struggles. He was so absolutely fine with my being Gay; just like he is with my older Brother. I seriously thought that I disappointed him- He said, "What is there to be disappointed about? So what!" I cried like I did when I was younger. He told me that two of my Great Uncles were Gay, and that my Brother knew that I was Gay-Damn those so-called Gaydars! He He. I am sooo at ease now. I thank all JUBBERS whom I had the pleasure of commnicating with through email and chat room. Any Jubbers who wish to contact me may do so directly: msb43@q.com.

in the evening of the same day; I called a ldy friend and her husband, they knew me for several years- they knew me spiritually and morally, inside and out, I gave them the update to what's happening in my life. I came out to her in conversation; it was still hard to do it, but did it anyway. She wasn't surprised at all. She said that it isn't a sin to be gay, that it is in the acting out that becomes sinful- I'm o.kay with that for now. I know that it isn't a sin to be Gay, it is even in the Catechism of the Catholic Church #2357-2359. I know for fact that The Church's not against Homosexuals; the Church is against the acting out sexaully, ie, sexual activities. The church is against discrimination just because a person is gay. there are three major areas that the church is negetive on: Gay Marriages, sexual activities, and adoptions. Everything else, the Church isn't against just because we are gay; Therefore, I still have the Church that I always loved and still love. I love God and his Church with my whole being. My friend said that she will pray that I will be at peace with myself.

[pornaddicted]

Geez wow I come out today even to a girl who admitted last night she liked me a lot, I decided to myself I'd come out to her as soon as she come out to liking me..... It was cool she laughed and said it was and I was all like...' Still like me' hahaha off course she doesn't she just more disgusted about how I told her I've had cock in my mouth.

[MikeyLove]

well, I did it again; I came out to one of my oldest dearest friend whom I haven't seen in 32 years. my friend is used to being around Gay men- he's str8. after telling him of my struggles the last 3 years, I told him that I am Gay- He wasn't surprised, it made no difference with him, That I'm still the same person he met 32 years ago. our long standing friendship is still intact. it just keep getting easier to come out.

[MikeyLove]

I'm on a roll, I did it again, Got to hand it to my older Brother who already knew that am gay; he outed me twice already since 2001. I didn't know if I was Gay then. It has been a three year battle with myself, and came out the first time July 23, 2008 to my dad-see previous postings on this forum. Well, I called my Aunt last night, she was so supportive; she agrees with my Dad concerning me. She also works with and around Gay men, she even has a Male friend who is Gay. Cheers to another positive phone call. I have to make phone calls- cheaper than traveling long distance especiall with the price of gas. wish our own personal methane gas could feul cars- That would be a big stink!

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

Good stuff 1big14me. It gets addictive doesn't it?

Keep it up!

[irishboy-18]

Hey lads, my first post (wahey!) but unfortunately its quite a serious one

Over the summer i've been doing a lot of thinking and i think i want to come out to my best friend of like 15 years, he's really open minded and i'm 99.9% sure he'll react in a postive way.

There's one thing putting me off though; i've been reading through the thread and some guys are saying stuff like "9 out of 10 times they'll already know your gay and were just waiting for you to tell them".

For me i can guarentee this wont be the case, im really straight acting (maybe as result of trying to hide my sexuality). For example i play football (soccer) regularly, have been in a rugby team for 7 years, have no fashion sense or fancy hair do etc etc.

As i said before i think he'll be ok but i cant help thinking that he'll think he doesnt know the real me (which i suppose is true). I desperately need advice and some contact with gay men. Thanks for listening and sorry if this seems a bit stupid or messed up.

[MikeyLove]

I'm on a roll, I did it again, Got to hand it to my older Brother who already knew that am gay; he outed me twice already since 2001. I didn't know if I was Gay then. It has been a three year battle with myself, and came out the first time July 23, 2008 to my dad-see previous postings on this forum. Well, I called my Aunt last night, she was so supportive; she agrees with my Dad concerning me. She also works with and around Gay men, she even has a Male friend who is Gay. Cheers to another positive phone call. I have to make phone calls- cheaper than traveling long distance especiall with the price of gas. wish our own personal methane gas could feul cars- That would be a big stink!

Well, here's a downer; as it turns out, my Aunt is upset, my Uncle spouting scriptures at me but saying that he isn't judging me, etc. Makes all kinds of conditions in order for me to contact other relatives- the whole works! A direct Violation of my civil rights. he's now out of the picture til he comes to terms with who and what I am, and what my civil rights are/are not, etc.

Now I consider my self completely out accept at work. They will know when I leave for a new job. Then whaen I do get a new job I will answer the question truthfully if it comes up.

[Lube]

Hey lads, my first post (wahey!) but unfortunately its quite a serious one

...im really straight acting (maybe as result of trying to hide my sexuality). For example i play football (soccer) regularly, have been in a rugby team for 7 years, have no fashion sense or fancy hair do etc etc.

As i said before i think he'll be ok but i cant help thinking that he'll think he doesnt know the real me (which i suppose is true). I desperately need advice and some contact with gay men. Thanks for listening and sorry if this seems a bit stupid or messed up.

Congrats on your first post!

"Straight-acting" is relative. There are many more clues about someone being gay than just watching Project Runway.

Your request is not stupid or messed up in any way--it's totally natural! Have you come out to him yet? If so, what happened? If not, what's holding you back?

[irishboy-18]

Congrats on your first post!

"Straight-acting" is relative. There are many more clues about someone being gay than just watching Project Runway.

Your request is not stupid or messed up in any way--it's totally natural! Have you come out to him yet? If so, what happened? If not, what's holding you back?

Hey, thanks for the reply

Havn't manged it yet was so about to do it last night because he was over at my house staying the night but just couldn't get it out (pardon the pun(i think)). I mean I know he's going to be fine about it but it just never seemed to be the right moment.

Also I'm worried now that because we're going to universities at opposite ends of the country if I tell him the time away may separate us. Like if i told him i was gay and we we're close by to talk about it (because i'm sure there's a lot he wants to know) it wouldn't be as bad but if i tell him and then bugger off, its going to make things harder. There's still 3 weeks till we leave though.

What do you guys think?

[MikeyLove]

Today, I looked into my email, and got several from www.classmates.com; I decided that it was the right time to out myself to approximately 400 classmates from Class of 1983- before I make any plans to attend the reunion in November. I did it through a general announcement to all who would read it on the site for my particular High School. It is now done.

I also came out to a Dominican Sister friend of mine who is an extern Sister of a cloistered convent. She was really wonderful about it.

[Lube]

Havn't manged it yet was so about to do it last night because he was over at my house staying the night but just couldn't get it out (pardon the pun(i think)). I mean I know he's going to be fine about it but it just never seemed to be the right moment.

Also I'm worried now that because we're going to universities at opposite ends of the country if I tell him the time away may separate us. Like if i told him i was gay and we we're close by to talk about it (because i'm sure there's a lot he wants to know) it wouldn't be as bad but if i tell him and then bugger off, its going to make things harder. There's still 3 weeks till we leave though.

What do you guys think?

It's 2008. If you're 99% sure that he'll be OK with it, he probably will be. The biggest regret a lot of guys have is that they didn't come out sooner. He's probably sitting there thinking, "Why doesn't he trust me enough to tell me he's gay, because I've suspected for at least the past 5 years?".

Just tell him. There's never the "perfect time". It doesn't matter how much time is left. You have more time than you will next week.

Today,...I decided that it was the right time to out myself to approximately 400 classmates from Class of 1983- before I make any plans to attend the reunion in November. I did it through a general announcement to all who would read it on the site for my particular High School. It is now done.

Congratulations. My reunion web site didn't list a single out person. I was the first. Life was different back then.

[NightDayKrauser]

man, I guess I was just somewhat smart. I told the biggest loud mouth I knew(my boss) intentionally cus I knew she was going to tell everyone, and then she told the people I worked with who knew most of my friends from high school and I just let word get around...

People asked me and it was easy to be like, "yeah...i'm bi and dating a guy." I dunno, it just made things a shit load easier cus I didnt have to initiate the conversation with my friends and I didnt have to go and tell everyone individually and use a lot of my time.

Now, three years later it's just common...it's like a game of telephone that you set up yourself from beginning to end.

[MikeyLove]

Hey lads, my first post (wahey!) but unfortunately its quite a serious one

Over the summer i've been doing a lot of thinking and i think i want to come out to my best friend of like 15 years, he's really open minded and i'm 99.9% sure he'll react in a postive way.

There's one thing putting me off though; i've been reading through the thread and some guys are saying stuff like "9 out of 10 times they'll already know your gay and were just waiting for you to tell them".

For me i can guarentee this wont be the case, im really straight acting (maybe as result of trying to hide my sexuality). For example i play football (soccer) regularly, have been in a rugby team for 7 years, have no fashion sense or fancy hair do etc etc.

As i said before i think he'll be ok but i cant help thinking that he'll think he doesnt know the real me (which i suppose is true). I desperately need advice and some contact with gay men. Thanks for listening and sorry if this seems a bit stupid or messed up.

Irishboy, None of My friends knew that I am gay when I told them, and still they accepted me same as always- same person they knew me to be. and they are to this day, one month later, still my bestest best friends in the whole world and they are all Str8. Be comforted by the rest of us here in JUB, we all support you in this journey. I hope that your best friend is as accepting of you as my friends are of me. go ahead and tell him but be gentle with the news and then allow him time and space to absorb the info.

[zoltrax000]

for any person coming out. they only have to be in allignment with themselves and their own acceptance. "I am that which i am, and you are that which you are, and altho there are differences, they are all good".

[MikeyLove]

On labor day, my female best friend I went to starbucks for coffee, and when I got home, I outed myself to her, knowing that she had waited for me for 23 years; she was so good about it that she said that she would not have thought I might be gay. We are still best friends. She wants to meet the guy I'm seeing.

[PoodeyFan]

best advice is not to come out