JustUsBoys.com gay porn forum

logo

remove these banner ads by becoming a JUB Supporter.

Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 123 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 100 of 207

Thread: How to come out?

      
   
  1. #51
    Virgin sdstud1222's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Carlsbad
    Orientation
    Gay
    Posts
    47

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by bw92116 View Post
    My opinion is this: wait for them to ask you. If you bring it up yourself, they may not be ready for it. When they ask you, then they are ready for the answer. If someone asks you, "Are you gay?" just say, "Yes" and leave it at that. If they ask you another question, answer that truthfully. If someone asks you, "So, do you have a girlfriend?" just say, "No. I'm gay." and leave it at that. If someone offers to hook you up with a girl, just say, "No, thanks, I'm gay. But thanks anyway." If they want to know more, they will ask you more, and you can continue to answer truthfully. If you bring up the issue yourself, without them having asked you, then you run the risk of telling someone who is not ready to hear it, or won't accept it, or doesn't want to know, or doesn't care. When they ask you, however, they are ready for the truth and you know you can tell the truth. This way of dealing with it takes a great deal of pressure off you. There is no pressure on you to tell anyone, unless they specifically ask you.

    this is some really good advise... I have never though of this before. but i doubt any of my friends will ask

  2. #52
    Sex God BigBoss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Karachi
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    917
    Blog Entries
    8

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Nice to hear all these things,,,wish i could do that all,,but the part of world im living im going to put myself and my family in danger if i open up,,I am in a relationship and sometimes me and my Bf wish to come out of the closet and show to all of the world that how much we love each other,,,but it would remain a dream...We have planned to visit USA and get married there and then come back to Pakistan while cherishing our marriage for our whole life together but that would be b/w us,,,

  3. #53
    pilot_01
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    oh my god peepz good advice..........i receny formally came out, people around me knew and finnally this one time i told my 5 closest friends and they were like we know and their so proud of me............im so glad i told them but im still not happy because i have not told my other friends yet and their all straight!!! now i really wish to find a gay friend

  4. #54
    pilot_01
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    shit i almost got caught.........anywayz i need 2 continue peepz i really need a gay friend because im so bored wiht all my straight friend exept for my best any advice on how to get a gay friend i dont know anyone help me........i dont where to find them seriously but to those who are worried about coming out.........its not that hard but plan it!!

  5. #55
    Porn Star littlephoenix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Beverly Hills
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    343

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Riden3 good for you, hey you live once, and i say live it up baby, learn to fly and feel the air beneath your god given wings
    Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.
    my free gay dating blog My lesbian dating blog

  6. #56
    JUB Addict darcey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    1,401

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    "This above all, to thine ownself be true. And if follows as the night the day thou can'ts be false to any man" (sorry Mr Shakespeare). Coming out is always a risk, but if we never risk we never live (remember when you 1st walked? neither do i). Thank you riden3, I know you've helped even those who just read your journey. I too left books for my parents, but my mom remains Cleopatra - Queen of De Nile! Bravo (& Brava) to all who risk, & life will only be more worth living when you practice the advice of Jerry Herman fm La Cage - "I am what I am"!

  7. #57
    p3p3p3
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    Be honest to your best friend is important~~But I think coming out or not depends on your public opinion and environment. If your coming out brings lots of discriminate&other problem,you should not do that.

  8. #58
    newYorker34
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    Hey everyone. This thread has been so helpful to me so far.

    Im a college student also in the process of coming out. So far about 5 of my close friends at school know. Some of them were due to situations that forced me to tell them. And most of them were due to me having a lot to drink lol. Before telling my new roomate I had an entire bottle of wine while painting my new room.

    Most of the reactions so far have been great. I'm lucky that I go to a very open art school in manhattan. You don't really get a better situation than that. I would come out to my entire school in a second, the only problem being that three or four of the students at my school are close friends with some of my best friends at home that I am not ready to tell yet.

    I am not a very flamboyant guy, but I know I act very "gay" sometimes. People ALWAYS ask me if im gay. But they have been asking me since way before I was ready to even admitt it to my self. So now I have told so many of my friends that I am straight and I feel like I will be seen as a liar when I do tell them the truth. My other concern is for my close friends that have defended me throughout all of my closeted years. The people who, no matter how many times they were asked if I was gay, stuck by my side and said "no." How do I tell them that they have basically been lying for me.

    Luckily I have my sister, who is bisexual, and have her support as well as her girlfriend's support at home. My parents on the other hand are a difficult situation. Although my sister has a girlfriend and is quite obvious about it, she has yet to come out and say it to my parents. I am very close with my mother and I'm sure she suspects that I am gay. But after watching both of my parent's deny my sister's sexuality, I don't want to see the same happen with me.

    Well thanks for reading. I know It's been long lol.

    Any advice will help a lot.

    Thanks

    -newYorker34

  9. #59
    Slut Fratboy22's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    152

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    I came out in collage to freshmen year i think it was easier for me because my roomates were gay

  10. #60

    Re: How to come out?

    Yes im also having a problem coming out to certain people. My problem is like this: When i came out to my friend who was a girl last week, i started off by saying 'i have something personal to tell you' and she was like 'what?you're gay?'. It didnt give me enough ground to move on before i admitted i was. This could be a problem because if she was homophobic, she would have ran away after i said yes.
    Im sure when i ask other people what they think of gay men, they are going to ask me if im gay straight after i have asked their thoughts on gays.
    How do i ease the issue gently, tell them all the facts before i admit it.

  11. #61
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    52
    Blog Entries
    1

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by cellular View Post
    Im sure when i ask other people what they think of gay men, they are going to ask me if im gay straight after i have asked their thoughts on gays.
    One that I've often thought of trying (although haven't yet so I can't tell you if it works) is the 'I have a friend...' approach.
    You can ask them what they think of gay guys and when they ask why, it's because you have a friend that has just come out to you and you're not sure how to handle it, what to think etc.

    Just a thought.

  12. #62
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    128

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Hey, I guess I'll give this a shot...

    I grew up in a religious family that feels amoung other things homosexuals are the downfall of our nation. I've been strugling with this for a long time and it even landed me in a mental hospital quite a few times. I need to talk to my family, but I don't know how... for exampel my dad feels all the gay people in the world needs to be burned alive and/or shoved off a cliff. My sister however is the person I live with, while she is super-religious she also believes murder is wrong so thats good... but she feels gay marriage is wrong. My sister will probally be all upset that I'm doomed to go to hell and such, but I know in my heart that I am ok with God (I'm religious too, though I strongly dislike organized religion). What do I do?

  13. #63
    JUB Addict drhladnjak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Seattle
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    2,185

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    MirrorMan, you're in a tough situation, but you're certainly not the first person to be there.

    I think it's safe to say that your family will almost certainly not take your future coming out particularly well. Since you're only 18, I'd recommend not coming out to them until you are entirely independent from them financially. That means if you're in college and they're helping to pay, wait until you graduate. Since you're living with your sister, wait until you've moved out on your own. Lots of young people get kicked out or are effectively forced out of the house by unaccepting family.

    When you do decide to tell them, be prepared for strong reactions--condemnation, being cut off, etc. You never know what will happen, but don't have any illusions about it. Try to keep the channels of communication open for a while afterwards. Some of them might come around eventually, especially younger people like your sister.

    If you've been in a mental hospital before over coming out issues (I assume we're talking about depression or suicidal tendencies here), you really should find a therapist or some sort of mental health professional to talk with about your sexuality. Your local PFLAG should be able to refer you to a gay-friendly therapist. At your age, you probably still have your parents' insurance or none at all. It's worth paying the money to work through this though! A lot of therapists have sliding scales and can work with you to come up with a payment arrangement. If you're in school, usually there's some sort of free counseling available too.

  14. #64
    jeremiass
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    I believe as a person we all have desires, fantacies ,dreams or the urge to either be with a man or a woman, ... and what is important is how ...you feel... at that time, at that moment... if you feel that you are more attracted to boys, there is absolutely nothing wrong, ... to appreciate , love and to share with another person,...

    and the words being used so often ..... cuming out...

    put so much fear into people ... its sounds like you are stepping into a new world ...
    well ,we make choices every day ,based on how we feel, and these choices leads us into new directions, which determine the outcome
    .
    so you need to be clever, not putting the blame on someone else .eg try this ,,
    i feel more attractive to guys,,, with certain individuals i feel more comfortable especially with guys , it somehow sifts the--- questions ,, did we do something wrong? what have we done? ( normally parents) and do you find me attractive? ( friends)

    you are a person with feelings and to surpress these feelings are not good for anyone ,nor for growth ,, you will always wonder, what if

    if you start by saying ,,,,I feel ... more attracted to guys..... i feel turned on by certain individuals or guys
    sounds must better to say that im gay ... why label yourself as gay ...
    whether you gay or not .. you are a person with feelings and enjoy does feelings

    and i dont see how your feelings should be secondary
    just live your life,
    you dont need permission or recognition or to inform anyone.
    and those who want to know ,about your lifestyle, will come and asked you ,im sure.
    and yet you would say that---- i feel -----more attracted to guys

    i feel ...is the key words

    everything of the best to you

  15. #65
    bern87
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    you know what..!!to tell you frankly this my 1st time to join this kind of chating..!! but i was'nt expected that how enjoy this kind of conversation..!guys let me introduce my self im bern,im 19 yrs ols..! shit i like you so much

  16. #66
    New Possibilities... Riverrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    13,482

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Mirrorman, I would recommend getting some support systems in place before coming out. That would be gay and straight friends who know you are gay and care about you. Like drhladnjak said, there is a risk of everything going to hell and so you would want to be prepared for that.

    I would hope that your family would want what's best for your mental health after seeing the pain staying in the closet has caused you in the past. Often they do better with coming out than we expect, but not always.

    One more suggestion. Start your own thread about this topic. You'll get a lot more responses that way. Good luck!

  17. #67
    Sex God mydrew1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    960

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by riden3 View Post
    Ok, now that i'm in college i feel i should be myself and come out to my friends. if you meet me you'd never guess i'm gay b/c i just act like one of the guys. i'm rooming w/ my best friend so i feel i should come out to him first. he's mentioned before how he is fine w/ gays so he probably won't care much, but i just feel like i've lied to him my whole life and decieved him since i've known him since 3rd grade and he thinks i'm straight.

    my question though is how should i come out? should i just randomly be like "yeah, i'm gay..." or should i wait until it is more appropriate and are talking about girls or next time he talks about someone gay? any advice on what ways work best or anything that worked well when you guys came out? thanks a lot i'm really freaking about it b/c i want to get it over w/ as soon as possible.
    One person at a time, first with the guy you trust most.

  18. #68
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    52
    Blog Entries
    1

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by jeremiass View Post
    you dont need permission or recognition or to inform anyone.
    This reminds me of something one of the Big Brother housemates over here said a few seasons ago. He said that his brother never had to tell his parents that he was straight, so why should he have to tell them he's gay.

    Ok so BB isn't a good role model for life, but I thought this was a good point.

  19. #69
    JUB Addict drhladnjak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Seattle
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    2,185

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat View Post
    This reminds me of something one of the Big Brother housemates over here said a few seasons ago. He said that his brother never had to tell his parents that he was straight, so why should he have to tell them he's gay.
    Why not? Well, for starters being gay is not the same as being straight. Most parents tend to expect that their children will be straight. In fact, most straight people assume other people are straight unless they have a good reason to believe otherwise. Of course, some parents figure it out and have a sort of unspoken understanding with their kids about their sexuality, but I'd say that's certainly the exception rather than the rule.

  20. #70
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    52
    Blog Entries
    1

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by drhladnjak View Post
    Why not? Well, for starters being gay is not the same as being straight. Most parents tend to expect that their children will be straight. In fact, most straight people assume other people are straight unless they have a good reason to believe otherwise. Of course, some parents figure it out and have a sort of unspoken understanding with their kids about their sexuality, but I'd say that's certainly the exception rather than the rule.
    Well yes I agree that that's how it is but it's not how it should be. These days no one should assume anything. That's part of the reason it's so hard to come out.

  21. #71
    Porn Star Neji's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Toronto
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    301

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    I'm in a similar situation as Mirrorman except I have not been to a mental hospital and have not talked to anyone in person about the truth. I don't have any gay friends let alone close friends so this is going to be hard to do if I want to start a conversation about it. I'm finding it hard to find someone I can fell confident that I can trust them to talk about it. I don't think my parents want to see them burned or anything, but they said something along the likes of "thank god you didn't turn out like that" when there was a drag queen on tv, which really enraged me.

  22. #72
    New Possibilities... Riverrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    13,482

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by ragater View Post
    I'm in a similar situation as Mirrorman except I have not been to a mental hospital and have not talked to anyone in person about the truth. I don't have any gay friends let alone close friends so this is going to be hard to do if I want to start a conversation about it. I'm finding it hard to find someone I can fell confident that I can trust them to talk about it. I don't think my parents want to see them burned or anything, but they said something along the likes of "thank god you didn't turn out like that" when there was a drag queen on tv, which really enraged me.
    Well, just start here. Hang around the boards and get comfortable with gay guys.

    Then look for some sort of local gay support network, like a gay and lesbian community center or something. Or go on gay.com and chat with guys in your area.

    Just take it slow and give yourself time. By the way, I understand how you felt when your parents said that.

  23. #73
    Porn Star Neji's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Toronto
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    301

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Does coming out to other gay people count as being out?

  24. #74
    Oh ho ho it's magic
    M4P's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Palm Springs
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Married (to a man)
    Posts
    26,667

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Of course it does! You're coming forward and telling people who you are
    How naughty can I be and still go to heaven?



  25. #75
    New Possibilities... Riverrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    13,482

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by ragater View Post
    Does coming out to other gay people count as being out?
    Interestingly, that can be really hard to do. I think because it blows your cover and you take the risk of other people finding out. Also, you're finally defining yourself as a gay man.

  26. #76
    Porn Star Neji's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Toronto
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    301

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    True. I'm finding it extremely difficult to conclude who I can trust. I'm thinking if I knew someone that was already out, that person might be the first I tell, but I don't know anyone that is.

    Quote Originally Posted by Riverrick View Post
    Interestingly, that can be really hard to do. I think because it blows your cover and you take the risk of other people finding out. Also, you're finally defining yourself as a gay man.
    That's almost exactly what I felt and feel every time I think to myself that I am close to telling someone.

  27. #77
    Porn Star Neji's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Toronto
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    301

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    I've been waiting for someone to ask me flat out, but no one ever has.

  28. #78

    Re: How to come out?

    Listen....

    I'm not going to tell you it'll be easy. But I think it's comparable to any other major piece of news in your life. You chose not to finish university? Why? You bought a new car? Why? You're moving to Peru? Why? Those who love you will react individually. You know how sometimes people make things into big deals and you never expected they would? Well it's like that. Or, it could end up being the biggest deal to you, and not to them.

    As for it "changing things", everything changes. We might love our lives right now, but sadly we can't make today the status quo. People we care about are going to leave, get mad, die and all those other awful things we'd like to hope won't happen. Ultimately, you can't choose how to live your life based on whether or not the timing is good for other people.

    That said, pick your moment. Remember that you'll feel able to handle whatever comes afterwards when you're truly ready. And that sometimes, you never know until you jump.

  29. #79

    Re: How to come out?

    Excellent Advice. I just spilled the beans myself and if someone didn't slready know-they did not act any different to me yet.

    Jay Denton

  30. #80
    trainer
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    well i am in the worst 2 yrs ever . i was married for 10 yrs bn with her for 17 , i have always thought the male form was nice ,but never went there because i was with someone and i dont believe in cheating , no matter what ! anyway 2 yrs ago she said she needed "space" yeah i know , so i stood by her 12 mths later i found out . i also found out my father tried to abuse her{who has been cheating on my mum for 25 yrs} , by this time im feeling pretty low " who can you trust " so i delt with that , then the worst thing my mum got sick a terminal illness .
    anyway all this crap made me think , and i met this guy we talked and i felt he was sinsere we got close and one thing led to another , he knows my story and is realy accepting and patient , i just no my freinds wont accept me and my family are so homophobic

  31. #81
    trainer
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    same here , but would you say it

  32. #82
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    52
    Blog Entries
    1

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by trainer View Post
    anyway all this crap made me think , and i met this guy we talked and i felt he was sinsere we got close and one thing led to another , he knows my story and is realy accepting and patient , i just no my freinds wont accept me and my family are so homophobic
    I feel for you. You need to make sure you're 100% comfortable with your sexuality (whatever it turns out to be) before you tackle the issue of telling others. If you're confident in who you are, it's easier to tell others.

    Most importantly don't rush anything.

    I'm sorry that's not much help but I wanted to say something supportive.

  33. #83
    Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    P-Town
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    4

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    ok I have been reading all of these coming out advice options....but what I feel everybody has left out may be the most important piece of advice. You can not just rush into this entire thing. You have take this 100% slow. You need to actually start with your closest friend first....because in the small 10% chance that your parents decide they don't want anything to do with you. You have your bestfriend for immediate support. You do not want to make the mistake of telling anyone who willl not support you. Nine chances out of 10 your best friend already knows but is waiting most patiently for you to decide your ready. Once you have built up this firm supporting wall (as I call it) then you need to prepare yourself for the hard part. Telling you parents may be the hardest thing you ever will have to face but you know what your strong and you can handle it. Don't fly into telling as fast as possible. I have found that alot of my clients type long letters to the person or persons they are wishing to tell. I instruct them all to place this information in the closing of there letter: "Now that I have shared with you the most important thing about my mind, body, and spirit; I kindly ask you to think wisely before you acknowledge what you have read here. It is very important to me that you understand who I am, and where I am going with my life. If you need to think for a few momments I understand I have given you alot to think on. Please understand that I have not attempted to decieve you or lie to you in anyway. I was only protecting myself from the hatred that has been associated with my sexuality. I respect you enough to tell you this secret at the most important time of my life. I hope that you will respect me in the same manor and we can both maintain happiness in life."
    I have found for most people that I see with coming out struggles the letter format allows them to come out without having to find words in a seamless moment of dispare. In my professional opinion this is the most successful way because you can take your time and put allot of thought into a letter that you cannot in an immediate conversation. I hope this helps everyone in this teadious yet worth it task. I hope all is well and that you find the piece of being out to the world.

  34. #84
    rduluc
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    I too am having these issues, I am not sure how to approach it, any advise would be greatly appreciated. I am afraid my wife might leave me.

  35. #85
    Crazy T
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    Coming out is soooooooooooooooooo much harder than you can think it just drives you nuts to think how your parents friends and colleagues would react to... I'm not gay but bi and i'm totally freaked out with all this. Especially coming from a south Asian society its really impossible to deal with the prejudice and homophobia

  36. #86
    gayjonathan78
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    I really don't think there is a right or wrong way of doing, just know that it should be done with tact, in the end it's who you are I was blessed to a have a really good close female friend who is very open minded to this topic, I came out to her first, and she really helped me, I finally had someone to talk to and it felt good. Even though that was just a start it really helped me build up my confidence and courage.

  37. #87
    trainer
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    i just told my wife lastnitst e its over i also told her im in love with a man , i havnt done anything but he understands me !! she had an affaair for i think was 12 mths ,and i dont no how to get over it , i do like men and that is probablly why i did fall for this guy ,, im just so confused i dont know what to do . help me pleases

  38. #88
    trainer
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    same here i have no1 to talk to , and i am cracking up

  39. #89
    New Possibilities... Riverrick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    13,482

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by trainer View Post
    i just told my wife lastnitst e its over i also told her im in love with a man , i havnt done anything but he understands me !! she had an affaair for i think was 12 mths ,and i dont no how to get over it , i do like men and that is probablly why i did fall for this guy ,, im just so confused i dont know what to do . help me pleases
    Quote Originally Posted by trainer View Post
    same here i have no1 to talk to , and i am cracking up
    Trainer, you are in a very complicated situation and it would seem that you need a real life person to help you right now. Do you have any friends that you can talk to? Do you know of any counsellors? Both you and your wife would probably benefit from counselling right now, either individually or as a couple.

    To get the most out of this forum, I would suggest that you start a thread and tell us as much of your story as you are comfortable telling. You will get a lot of support here. Good luck and I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now.

  40. #90
    Dustin87
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    At first I'll want to say this is not my native language, so maybe there are mistakes which make it hard to understands me, but I do my best...

    So I think coming out is very hard. I told my best friend 4 years ago that I'm gay, at first she don't believe me and when I assure her that I am gay, she always used to kidding me, she told all our friends thenceforward I've lost all my friends, it tooks 3 years till anyone respect me, and the only reason for that was that Kimberly says she's my girlfriend. She's also gay, so that is the reason for her to bail me out. I'm on an other school now, everything is alright. So I really don't think I ever be able to tell someone even if that means I'll never find a boyfriend. I know it sounds stubid, but that's the way it is.

  41. #91
    jeRmspeRm
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    Well I am confused about my sexuality at the moment, one day I will like girls the next guys then both. I don't know what to do, I'm afriad to experiment with a guy (sexualy). What is it really like?

    I need to be more confident in myself.

  42. #92
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    52
    Blog Entries
    1

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dustin87 View Post
    At first I'll want to say this is not my native language, so maybe there are mistakes which make it hard to understands me, but I do my best...

    So I think coming out is very hard. I told my best friend 4 years ago that I'm gay, at first she don't believe me and when I assure her that I am gay, she always used to kidding me, she told all our friends thenceforward I've lost all my friends, it tooks 3 years till anyone respect me, and the only reason for that was that Kimberly says she's my girlfriend. She's also gay, so that is the reason for her to bail me out. I'm on an other school now, everything is alright. So I really don't think I ever be able to tell someone even if that means I'll never find a boyfriend. I know it sounds stubid, but that's the way it is.
    I know how you feel but it won't always be like that. My story is similar. I came out in year 11 but that didn't go well; I lost my best friend and many others. When I started working however, I found my new best friend. He is straight but he's all I could ask for in a friend. I came out to him six months ago and we are now closer because of it. This took me seven years to try coming out again but it was worth it.

    I'm not saying it will take you seven years but it might be a while before you are again confident enough to take the shot. I can say that one day you will come out again and it will go much better.

  43. #93
    BlackMale18
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    Occasionally Give off Gay Vibes. so when they do find out they would be more Like "Oh I kinda already Knew" rather than OMG You're gay"

  44. #94
    JUB 10k Club
    Eagle653's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    10,301

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    ^^^I think this happens more than we like to think. Very few guys are able to fool everyone. Most have a fair number of people who already knew.

  45. #95
    Temeritous hirsuteness
    Lube's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    7,559
    Blog Entries
    34

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackMale18 View Post
    Occasionally Give off Gay Vibes. so when they do find out they would be more Like "Oh I kinda already Knew" rather than OMG You're gay"
    Quote Originally Posted by averageguy View Post
    ^^^I think this happens more than we like to think. Very few guys are able to fool everyone. Most have a fair number of people who already knew.
    Ain't that the truth!

    We all think we're so clever by not mentioning the gender of our date last night when we talk about him at work.

    Or we think "I'm too busy at work/school to date" is a reasonable excuse to tell people why you're not dating a girl (and/or have never dated a girl, LOL).

    But, c'mon. People aren't stupid. Those are probably the biggest clues that you are gay.

    Your friends, family, & coworkers/fellow students may be in denial, but

    They already know you're gay!

    So, just let them know.

    Don't worry about them; just be comfortable in your own sexuality before you come out.
    The world never changes if you're forever "minding my own business".
    The mindset that no one knows you're gay because you haven't told them,
    is like the dog that thinks you don't see him stealing the steak because he avoids your glance.
    Staying in the closet is like continuing to sit in the back of the bus.
    It's accepting that it's wrong to be who you are.

  46. #96

    Re: How to come out?

    Can someone offer me advice?
    I've been debating whether or not to post about it here for a few months, but I kept on getting nervous about putting myself in the open.
    Anyway, I'm about to be a senior in high school and I found out that I'm attracted to guys in 8th grade when I was in the lockerroom (Anyone else discover it this way?). For the first couple years I tried denying it, thinking htat it was a phase that would hopefully end soon. Obviously that didn't change, but at one point (about a year and a half ago), I was settled on just getting married to a woman one day and holding in my sexuality. At the beginning of junior year I concluded that couldn't work, but since then I've made no move at all to coming out.

    Since the vast majority of my friends are teenagers, I often run into negative comments about homosexuality ("That's so gay," "You're a fag," etc.). Although they're not directed at me or my sexuality, it still makes me feel incredibly insecure and just scared in general. Really whenever the topic of a relationship comes up, I get uncomfortable because I haven't been able to be honest with people. However, I'm afraid that when I do come out, that everything will change. How do I know if my friends are just saying homophobic comments because the phrases are just ingrained in their vocabulary and they're not homophobic, or they really are homophobic? It's hard to tell when some of them will use one of those phrases so vehemently.

    I'm a little worried about how my parents will react, too, but my sister assuaged those fears when she mentioned that the parents are fiscally conservative, but open about social issues like homosexuality. I'm not sure if it was completely incidental and she had no idea that I'm gay, or she thinks I'm gay and was just trying to give me advice on how to come out. My parents don't currently have any gay friends, but one of my mom's roommates in college is a lesbian. The one member of my close family I'm most worried about is my twin brother. I know he's straight (a couple times, after typing in google, I accidentally saw his searches), but like my friends he often uses homophobic slurs. And he seems to use them more often than they do, but of course my comparison of him and my friends is skewed because I live with him. Anyway, on Facebook he's listed as "Liberal" for political views, but to me he's always been close-minded about most things. However, I've never heard him express his opinion about homosexuality. I mentioned my sister's comments earlier on homosexuality, and after she went into talking about gay marriage and debating whether or not it's an issue of respect for gays or a financial issue (tax benefits), I noticed my brother was very quiet throughout.

    I think I covered everything. Sorry it's so long. There are just many factors that are making me scared to come out. I'd like to come out before I graduate from high school (in case you're wondering, I'm already 18 - my mom put me into pre-school late), just so whenever I run into my friends and classmates again, I won't have to do it person-by-person. But feel free to tell me what you think about coming out before graduation or not. Part of me just wants to go to college, and then when the topic of girls/past girlfriends come up, I'll just tell my roommate I'm gay. Anyway, any thoughts/advice?




    P.S.: I do have a gay friend with whom I'm kinda close. Do you think that I should come out to him and then ask about how he came out? He's a year older than me, but we don't hang out very often. I think the only time I'd be alone with him next is when I do a college visit to where he'll be enrolled.

  47. #97
    JUB Addict drhladnjak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Seattle
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    2,185

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    Coming out to another gay person is not a bad strategy at all as out of everybody, they're probably the most likely to not have a negative reaction. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if the gay friend already has his suspicions about you. You could go either way though. Waiting until college will give you a fresh start, but doing it now might give you a head start on coming to grips with being out I suppose.

    You'll know when the time is right, but it sounds to me like you're on the cusp of doing it yet still feeling some final discomfort. Remember though--there's never going to be an absolutely perfect time. You'll probably be a nervous wreck and there will almost certainly be some awkwardness, but once you push through that you'll be glad you did it!

  48. #98
    On the Prowl
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Melbourne
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    52
    Blog Entries
    1

    Code of Conduct

    Re: How to come out?

    You shouldn't read too much into phrases such as you hae mentioned. Calling things "gay" is so often used these days that it has lost much of its original power.

    My closest friend is the most accepting person I know but he still calls things gay. I know he never means it as offensive.

  49. #99
    tatu101
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    Quote Originally Posted by riden3 View Post
    Ok, now that i'm in college i feel i should be myself and come out to my friends. if you meet me you'd never guess i'm gay b/c i just act like one of the guys. i'm rooming w/ my best friend so i feel i should come out to him first. he's mentioned before how he is fine w/ gays so he probably won't care much, but i just feel like i've lied to him my whole life and decieved him since i've known him since 3rd grade and he thinks i'm straight.

    my question though is how should i come out? should i just randomly be like "yeah, i'm gay..." or should i wait until it is more appropriate and are talking about girls or next time he talks about someone gay? any advice on what ways work best or anything that worked well when you guys came out? thanks a lot i'm really freaking about it b/c i want to get it over w/ as soon as possible.
    i had the same problem in grade school i just came out and if and one picks on you dont even listen to them there just stupid bitches but your friends they should accept you mine did i know youre nervos dont be things will get better in time

  50. #100
    steveyboy
    Guest

    Re: How to come out?

    hi all i wonted to say is if this best mate or yrs really is a best mate then i wont mtter to him if yr gay or not i came out a while ago and my best mate sort of said he knew but he didnt lol god luck mate

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | About JustUsBoys.com | Site Map | RSS | Webmasters | Advertise | Link to JUB | Report A Bug on this Page

Visit our sister sites: Broke Straight Boys | CollegeDudes.com | CollegeBoyPhysicals.com | RocketTube
All models appearing on JustUsBoys.com were over 18 at the time of photography. The records for sexually explicit images required by U.S. 2257 are kept by the
individual producers of the images. The location of the records is available by clicking the Custodian of Records link at the bottom of each gallery page.
© 2012 JustUsBoys.com. The JustUsBoys.com name and logo are registered trademarks. Labeled with ICRA and RTA. Member of ASACP and The Free Speech Coalition.