First we lost the Energizer Bunny:
Now, dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news.
Please join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many others.
The graveside was piled high with flours. Longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, as he wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man he was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he proved to be no tart.
Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough and their two children, Jane Dough and John Dough. They also have one in the oven. Doughboy is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. In lieu of flours, just send a little dough.