According to Adel Story

This is my story to Adel and the others

Sorry for my bad English,
I used to read the topics on JUB without being a member, but the story of Adel catch my attention. This is why I decided to joint JUB and tell you about my story.

I am 36 years old From Algeria, I am married since 16months. What I am going to tell you about is not a tale or an imagination, it is my sad story. I had known that I was gay since I was young. I have always dreamed to be with man. I had about only 3 gay experiences when I was in my earlier twenties. Here is like Egypt, a totally homophobic country and society. I have a very conservative and religious family. I thought about leaving the country years before but my situation didn’t help me. My parents are very old and I have one sister not married (two other sisters married). So I am the man in the house. My parents didn’t accept that I leave the country because they needs me near them; in the first I just accept for my parents; meanwhile every time they asked me to get married; I make an excuse for that. So they talk to my friends and I had a huge pressure. Finally I accepted to get married. Where I live, traditions are very old. They choose for me a girl. I had known her just a little. Everything went very fast and I got married on September 2006. It was like going to death…and it is death. I tried with all my forces to touch her without any success. I tried to imagine my self with a man but it didn’t help, I tried Viagra and the same result when I am with her it is like I am with a stone. I told her that I have a problem and it must don’t tell her family and even if she tells her family they will tell her to accept God willing. 16 months of suffer, agony and desperation. I hate my self, my father, my family and this society. My life turned to a nightmare. We have been in a civilian war in the nineties and I was very afraid to die. Now sometimes I think about suicide, I don’t care about life. My life has no taste or sense. Fortunately I work in the oil field industry and I have to be out of home for a month (I work a month and I have vacation for a month at home), now I wish if I stay away from home all time. 3months ago I made a decision to leave this country and take my life in my hands; So I registered to the program of emigration to Canada, but it take tong time maybe 5 year to achieve the procedure. I have no problems with money and skills. I am paid about 1300 dollars per month wish is too much here and I can afford to go out and I am an oil field engineer. Please, Please, Please any one can help to get out this nightmare. I need your advice and help. Please…..

Finally; Adel, don’t get married. You have to choice the right thing; you are gay and that is what you are. This is your life not your family your parents. Take control of your life before it is late.

Sorry to disturb you JUB if it is the case.

Raouf

[G-Lexington]

Raouf

Thank you for telling us your story. It certainly helps to put some of our own problems into perspective. Your cautionary tale may serve as a warning for those like Adel, and I thank you for sharing it.

I wish I had some advice to give, but I know very little about any of the subjects at all - emigration from the Middle East, immigration to Canada, gay asylum in any country. Since you appear to have Internet access, I would suggest doing more searching online, specifically for Canadian immigration and whether any consideration is given for asylum for homosexuals. All I can do from this spot is to wish you the very best, and offer whatever moral support I can.



Lex

[tallguy297]

Hey Raouf!

Thank you so much for your post! And thank you for joining JUB to tell your story... its greatly appreciated... and so a hearty welcome to the posting side of JUB too!

I cant imagine the life you are being forced to live... its something a culture like ours makes impossible to imagine. I know that it must feel like torture though and that you have been forced to live your life for others with little regard to your own happiness. In that way I can imagine that it feels like a prison sentence... and I feel incredibly sorry for you and wish you all the best for toughing the situation out until you can make the changes that you wish for.

You have nothing but my admiration for making the most of your situation and your decision to pursue your happiness.

Your tale will provide a damning insight into the lives of people forced into unloving and and unhappy situations... and hopefully provide some sort of inspiration to continue the fight to make the huge and unimaginable changes they need so they can stop hurting too.

Thank you mate for your courage!

[Telstra]

thanks raoufmbh,

hope to hear some more stories about gay lives in
the muslim countries.

Hey every one,

I noticed that my story didnt get much replay. I am not asking for your direct help. I am asking for advise and show me the way to get out of this problem.

Raouf

[innocentbychoice]

Is there any other country nearby where you can go to and have a little bit more freedom than Algeria? You have the money so maybe you should try leaving tno another less homophobic place as soon as posible.

I think you should live your life for yourself and not anyone else and you have made the right decision.

Moving to a country where homosexuality isn't a crime would help.
You might look for a good job in your line of work overseas and then have your employer help you get a visa.

In other countries there are many organizations that can help gay men.
Amsterdam even has a gay cafe for Arabs...

Are you and your wife on good terms?
If so, maybe you can work something out? If you have to take care of your parents, you might send them money from abroad and let your sister take care of them.

I know you must be in great pain, but do remember to honor your responsibilities.