Hello!

[FunDude]

Hi, I'm Ben!

I came looking for info on gay jews.. I am one.. and I have never met another.. I know there are some gay rabbi's but I don't think they're of the same sect as I am.. I kinda think of myself as Conservadox.. I combine orthodox with conservative.. even though its a really shitty way of practicing it.. I was more religious when I was younger, but I got burned out on it as soon as I went into a summer camp and they kinda made religion not fun for me anymore. I like to practice it only to an extent now cause some aspects to me are romantic.. Which is a shame.. I still believe in god, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a bad seat in heaven (since judaism doesnt really have a hell, I kinda think of the after life having seats instead..), I still don't think being gay is right because so many of the orthodox rabbi's say its wrong.. and I'm kinda.. stuck there.. I can read, write, and speak a bit of hebrew as well.. I consider it my 2nd language.

Anyways.. I aspire to become a lawyer not because I like the work particularly, but because I really like money. I like money almost as much as I like tennis, swimming, volleyball, and drawing.. Even though I might not be great at all of those things.. (well.. Art cant be critiqued.. cause of the eye and beholder bullshit.), politically... I am registered independant but thats only because I am doing an internship in government, and the assemblywoman I am working with is democrat, and I don't exactly see eye to eye with her on some political decisions (like gun control for example..).. I think I would consider myself economically conservative.. and socially.. well.. I dont think government should be involved in social stuff.. anything government touches seems to turn to shit anyways.

current famous people I'm crushing on... Chris Evans and Channing Tatum..

Wasn't a huge fan of brokeback mountain..

and I plan coming out of the closet after I have my law degree.. Following a "Peace of the Gun" plan I devised because I'm too chicken shit to do it now. Basically, my parents always wanted a lawyer in the family so they could get family rates (free), and to protect them in their entreprenurial endeavors.. Fine, I want to become one anyways.. But I find its expensive, and I have them helping me pay for my education.. I think if they knew that I sometimes fantasize of taking a cock, or sucking on, or fucking a guy, they would be very upset.. My family isn't very accepting of the homosexual lifestyle.. I figured after the law degree and I tell them, theyre less likely to shun me for being gay because I do have a degree in law so I'd be handy to keep around.. Even if they do shun me, its no skin off my back.. because at that point I should be able to support myself. :/

In general, I kinda feel like I let my parents down by being gay.. I dont want to be.

Okay, I'm rambling.. Sorry my mind is all over the place. Night all.

EDIT: I notice i have this topic posted twice. I am truely sorry for this as this topic kinda sucks.. If a staff member of this site could please delete one of them, that would be super. sorry, and thanks in advanced.

Hey, Shalom I am a gay jewish guy from Australia, and understand exactly how you feel, and mate you have not let your parents down, they will love you no matter what. When my parents were alive, I had the greatest relationship, with them, and they supported me in every avenue of my life and lifestyle, geez Mama(A typical Jewish Mum) even had the doctor picked out she wanted me to marry, but she was more than happy with the guy I finally married.

[moonybig]

hi welcome to jub

[NineOfClubs]

Hi, welcome aboard!

I'm all for money too, etc.. But, life is really about so much more. I hope, and trust, that you begin to realize that too........

[VICTORIADON]

Hi Ben:
Welcome to Jub. You have posted a great introduction.
A film you may be interested in watching is Trembling before G-d, a great film. http://www.tremblingbeforeg-d.com/ You may be able to find it at a vid rental place or your public library.
Enjoy yourself here.
Don

[buzzj]

Thanks for introducing yourself! I'm looking forward to getting to know you through your posts!

[Bashful]

WELCOME!! As you explore JUB you will find we have many jewish people here. You may wish to check the Religion Forum for starters. I merged your two posts! Hope you have fun here!! Enjoy!

[quote=bkt5789;2751210]Hi, I'm Ben!

"I came looking for info on gay jews.. I am one.. and I have never met another.."

Oh there's plenty of us around, don't worry......yu have your whole life ahead of yu to meet many......it doesn't surprise me that yu weren't impressed by BBM, as judging by your post yu probably have not experienced love, and i mean love, not sex or infatuations, and yu have probably led a charmed and protected life as most Jewish parents are wont to give their children, and yu are lucky to growing up in an age and a cultural milieu that has made tremendous strides in the gay acceptance department....... when i read about your age, my memory goes back to my own life at that age as well......so here goes:

Was 18-19..finished my mexican high school...had girlfriend...pretty
serious...felt I was in love..had had a couple of unplanned unintentional
one-niters...not even affairs..up to that point...didn't know what to make
of them, tho life-long attraction to males...but the only queers I saw were
the very public ones sashaying down the main drag here carrying some
stripteasers cosmetic case...cud no way in this world identify w/that...was
str8t acting..felt terrified to even think of any commonality w/those I saw
on street...felt safer w/girlfriend...she being Catholic & of solid middle
class stock was not loose...and I wasn't pushy..(years, later thought of
that while watching 'The Chorus Line' gay guy's soliloquy...

So I went off to the big city...Mexico...to University...originally staying
at grandma's house (mothers side)...Started classes......Industrial
Engineering (what was I thinking!)...But Mexico City is the big
kahuna....w/gazillions of people of all stripes....yep! to & fro commuting &
trips to movies & whatnot saw & met people like me = str8t acting, 'normal'
seeming 'xcept they were gay . I was handsome, young, fresh, naive, innocent
and so, oh so willing to explore that whole scene...By this time had moved
over to my married sisters' apartment, cramped but cozy...

Every weekend, even w/very limited funds explored my gay side...finished
thru post w/girlfriend..and went full force.....'xcept it proved altogether
too distracting, started skipping classes, etc...and also quickly discovered
how shallow & unfulfilling the one night stand scene was...not for
me...started looking for love...(now, I know yu can't go out & look for
love, but then..)

Became so disenchanted & knew that the big city, for me, at this time, was
not healthy...looked for way out. Joined a zionist youth group that had
one-year trips to Israel, tho they were 16 & was an already old 18 (that's
how I felt)...Signed up to go on next trip, but had to get parents
permission, and not only for passport purposes...The dilemma :

How to explain to my parents that taking a year's sabbatical was good for me
without telling them the real reasons...well I did it...not easy, but I can
be determined..well remember the long afternoons on the coast, watching the
waves crash and pondering about me & life & gayness...oh gawd
...miserable..There were still 6 months to departure, so went back to city
(sex & the city, ummm?) to finalize arrangements...and....Yes!...yes! met
the one..THE ONE!!!!!

At first didn't know he was the one..first one-nighter, then
affair...then...was in deep doodoo (as Bush pere would say)...As our love
deepened I became more frantic...At first had kept info on my plans to
myself...but couldn't anymore...he broke down... I broke down (believe me,
BBM scene of Ennis breakdown was nothing...)

He was 26, I, 18...He worked for Sears Roebuck as an account rep or
something..me =broke and brokenhearted student, not even out). He was from
state of Veracruz, orphan, raised by grandparents, & had taken it upon
himself to raise & educate his 9 yr old nephew from a single mom sister.
Working class family..he was most upscale of them...Handsome, tall,
blondish, slim, intelligent, sensitive & hot...what more cud a nice Jewish
boy wish for?

Thought long & hard..(please no puns)...& concluded : If reason for
sabbatical was one-night stand scene & all that that implied & my search &
need for love...and I had found the one...then No need to go away...we would
just live happily ever after.....right? NOT!!!!

So I went back home, ostensibly for final packing...had tickets, passport,
etc..and....now tried to convince my parents why I SHOULDN'T go away! Well,
now they knew something was not quite kosher....And now they insisted I go
away...how's them apples?....Found a love letter, not explicit in the erotic
sense, but quite explicit in the emotional sense he had written me....

Shit hit the fan!

They accompanied me back to the city, to say goodbye, but really, to ensure
I got on that goddamn plane.....Also...my mother had a brother that had ties
to law enforcement....so she told him I was being corrupted & seduced by
this seemingly child molester (he 26, me 1. Well my uncle was a gung-ho
type of guy...so he did a bit of investigating..found out who he was, where
he was, who he lived with....Meanwhile I was in virtual
house-arrest...couldn't go out by myself anywhere, always w/Dad or Mom...

My uncle went & confronted him & more or less told him that "if he valued
his nephew's life he would keep away from me"....I somehow managed to slip
away from bodyguards to make phone call to him ....to tell him, that loved
him and hoped that I would find him in a years time....And he lays the visit
on me, he was frightened and indignant...I was shocked &
outraged....So......

......right then & there over phone, made plans to elope....Yep! run away
together.. our Brokeback to be was Belize, right over border in the
south..We figured we could both find work in hotel & tourist industry
there.....That same day slipped away & off we went to his grandparents home
to drop off his nephew in Veracruz...It was Carnival time..well
remember..big to do in Veracruz....grandparents lovely, kind & loving old
folks....guess they knew 'bout him....not sure tho, ...Would leave for
Belize in a couple of days...That night...feeling bad for parents, called
home....told them my outrage...told them that it was my life & that had
right to live it...told them that since I was going to be away for a year
anyway..just to think of it that way.....

Uncle again....traced the call..first thing next morning...he burst into the
home..w/local cops along...scuffled, bloodied (but not bowed) were hauled
over to local police station where he was promptly accused of child
corruption, or something.....We both denied even being involved...no gay
rights there....having my passport proving my legal age was the
lifesaver.....couldn't get me to file any sort of charge (kidnapping, I
think) 'gainst him....Got slapped around some more by uncle,....BTW.....Dad
was also there...he wasn't into punching me, tho....And were let go....

Yu know its' been years since I told this story...still shakes me...thought
it wouldn't

Drove back to the city (12 hr drive).....didn't say a word since we left
police station....arrived at night at sister's house....everyone was staying
there...boy was it cramped....As I walked in thru the door, shirt torn,
bloodied....my mother slaps me....walked past her, went to kitchen, took
knife, came back to her & gave her the knife...& stared into her eyes....She
burst into tears....me I was cried out already...no words.....they tried to
talk to me, reason, whatever..showered....and went to bed..fell
asleep....departure day 2 days ahead...

For next 2 days....not a word from me....just wanted everything to go
away....everything..couldn't wait for departure....

Flight plans=MexCity-NYC 2 day stopover, then NYC-Tel-Aviv

They decided couldn't be trusted on stopover so bought a ticket for uncle &
sent him along with us to NYC, w/ xcuse about having some business there to
take care of....excuse for benefit of my 9 other fellow youth
travelers...funny....I was the oldest...only one w/chaperon....

Departed..yes hugs but no words from me....All plane ride, no words to
uncle...NYC, saw snow for first time....Statue of Liberty, etc....finally
when plane took off for Tel-Aviv...broke down & cried...for first
time.....uncle had warned me that if tried to contact him....told me had
ability to intercept mail & phones...in Mexico, it was entirely
possible....it would go badly for him, my Arturo, .....funny but I had no
intentions of doing it.....like I said.....just wanted everything &
everybody to just go away....
mentally wished my beloved the best and sorry it had all come down to
this..but was defeated...

A full year went by before I answered any letters from them...and only to
tell them that whereas my group was going back, two of us would remain in
Israel, me one of them....

I was legally an adult already and they had no more control over me......

that is & was my Brokeback......completely defined the rest of my life's' choices...

Now I'm 62...survived all that......have earned my right to call them as I see them....

lol

mario

[screwnutty]

Originally Posted by bkt5789

Hi, I'm Ben!

I came looking for info on gay jews.. I am one.. and I have never met another.. I know there are some gay rabbi's but I don't think they're of the same sect as I am.. I kinda think of myself as Conservadox.. I combine orthodox with conservative.. even though its a really shitty way of practicing it.. I was more religious when I was younger, but I got burned out on it as soon as I went into a summer camp and they kinda made religion not fun for me anymore. I like to practice it only to an extent now cause some aspects to me are romantic.. Which is a shame.. I still believe in god, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a bad seat in heaven (since judaism doesnt really have a hell, I kinda think of the after life having seats instead..), I still don't think being gay is right because so many of the orthodox rabbi's say its wrong.. and I'm kinda.. stuck there.. I can read, write, and speak a bit of hebrew as well.. I consider it my 2nd language.

Anyways.. I aspire to become a lawyer not because I like the work particularly, but because I really like money. I like money almost as much as I like tennis, swimming, volleyball, and drawing.. Even though I might not be great at all of those things.. (well.. Art cant be critiqued.. cause of the eye and beholder bullshit.), politically... I am registered independant but thats only because I am doing an internship in government, and the assemblywoman I am working with is democrat, and I don't exactly see eye to eye with her on some political decisions (like gun control for example..).. I think I would consider myself economically conservative.. and socially.. well.. I dont think government should be involved in social stuff.. anything government touches seems to turn to shit anyways.

current famous people I'm crushing on... Chris Evans and Channing Tatum..

Wasn't a huge fan of brokeback mountain..

and I plan coming out of the closet after I have my law degree.. Following a "Peace of the Gun" plan I devised because I'm too chicken shit to do it now. Basically, my parents always wanted a lawyer in the family so they could get family rates (free), and to protect them in their entreprenurial endeavors.. Fine, I want to become one anyways.. But I find its expensive, and I have them helping me pay for my education.. I think if they knew that I sometimes fantasize of taking a cock, or sucking on, or fucking a guy, they would be very upset.. My family isn't very accepting of the homosexual lifestyle.. I figured after the law degree and I tell them, theyre less likely to shun me for being gay because I do have a degree in law so I'd be handy to keep around.. Even if they do shun me, its no skin off my back.. because at that point I should be able to support myself. :/

In general, I kinda feel like I let my parents down by being gay.. I dont want to be.

Okay, I'm rambling.. Sorry my mind is all over the place. Night all.

EDIT: I notice i have this topic posted twice. I am truely sorry for this as this topic kinda sucks.. If a staff member of this site could please delete one of them, that would be super. sorry, and thanks in advanced.

Wow!

What an enterance! The Doctor himself would be impressed!

Well you found a great site and you find great guys here that will answer all of your questions. You just have to ask us. Where here to help lend a hand when we can. So explore the site and you'll be making new friends in no time.

Welcome to JUB!

[mike_n_herrin]

/\ he's right great intro thread.

ok so down to business.

hi ben and



we have a coming out forum, a political forum, and a religion you might find any or all three interesting. i personally tend to hang out in the nerd forum (aka technology ).

anyway, just wanted to say hi and hope you enjoy the site.

- mikey

[dave_63]

Hi Ben
to JUB!

[FunDude]

What doctor? Where? Huh?

Taco - Whats a BBM? I dunno a lot of the shourt hand terms and movies you cited. I'm sorry, but wow, thats quite an adventure you went through.

Hmm experienced love? maybe not.. I only had one relationship which was mostly long distance.. he only lives and hour from me and we only met once. I refused to kiss him because I don't like kissing people till I've known them for three weeks. Its nerdy, but umm thats how I am. I dont like to take chances, I want to know the guy a bit more.. like their hygiene and all that stuff.. One of my deepest fears it making out with muff mouth or something. :/ Anyways I broke it off because after a month (of the three month relationship), he went from really cool to really irritating and needy. So my infatuation was gone, and two days before christmas (while I was celebrating hannukah), I broke it off. He pretended that he commited suicide, had his friends hound me on instant messenger, when they asked me about it I said that I haven't seen his name in the obituaries, so I dont believe the lie.. Magically, a big gay miracle happens, and he returns from the dead, only to ask me to be his bf, saying cheesy stuff such as "I can't get over you because you are my first love. I never get over my firsts." and blah blah blah.. Note to future guys - I'm not into cheese or sap at all. and dont use cutesy talk, I hate it.

As far as sex goes I'm still a virgin.. Was nearly raped once, but the guy couldn't undo my belt so I escaped.. (I was pretty damn lucky, the guy ontop of me was huge. and fugly.)

Uhh.. but its nice to see that there two other gay jews?

[screwnutty]

Originally Posted by bkt5789

What doctor? Where? Huh?

Taco - Whats a BBM?

LOL

The doctor is in my avatar. Doctor Who! Nevermind...you have to be a geeky gay guy like me to know that Doctor!

As for the movie BBM, it's Brokeback Mountain.

anyways carry on!

[FunDude]

Originally Posted by screwnutty

LOL

The doctor is in my avatar. Doctor Who! Nevermind...you have to be a geeky gay guy like me to know that Doctor!

As for the movie BBM, it's Brokeback Mountain.

anyways carry on!

im kinda geeky.. i have a soft spot for videogames. mostly fantasy, mmorpgs, and a nice hack and slash or shooter like halo and dynasty warriors if theres someone playing co-op with me.

[martin6]

Yeah I have nothing truly constructive to say except for this: Welcome to JUB!!!

Hi Ben! Welcome aboard! Have fun at JUB!!!