for me it's not just giving up my freedom but making someone to carry my shit. If I feel ready to look for partner I'll do, not for the moment.Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
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for me it's not just giving up my freedom but making someone to carry my shit. If I feel ready to look for partner I'll do, not for the moment.Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
I ever I have any doubts about the merits of being single I watch this:
I'm 29 and have been single nearly all of my adult life. I like living on my own at the moment, I get a bit lonely sometimes and think would a relationship be the answer but I don't want to get all needy and start looking because that never works. I like having close friends but people are soo transient these days and were always moving away from each other so I don't have a lot of history to talk about with most people I know or I sometimes think I shouldn't get too close because they might move away and move on with me getting hurt in the process. I don't want to start renting my spare room out as I need my space, if I was to go out with someone I would like it to be someone who also likes their own space and doesn't get hurt if I need some time apart. I also wouldn't begrudge them going out with their own friends without me and expect the same in return. I am also someone who has had the odd friend crush in the past.
Reading this, it looks like theres some other guys my age who are in the same situation.
I'm fappy being single.
I think some people are single and happy about it, while others are single, but not by choice. I think if you wait until you are shit-less, you will wait a long time, because we are all faulty humans and we carry that into all of our relationships, not just the romantic ones.Quote:
Originally Posted by geloge
I do understand what you are saying, however.
I guess what I was trying to say in my early post is that there seem to be a lot of negative ideas about relationships. To say that they don't require commitment and hard work would be dishonest, but to say you have to surrender the things that make us who we are is just not true, either. In fact, the differences between us are part of the beauty of life and love.
I would be interested to know how many here who hold the view that relationships mean loss of freedom have actually been in a relationship of some duration compared to those who have been mostly single. The latter would be like being on the outside looking in, while the former could come from being burned, I guess.
Perhaps it boils down to this: if you are happily partnered, you wonder why anyone would want to be single and if you are single, you wonder why others don't see relationship as too confining to allow for personal happiness.
you know something that actually annoys me. hard up 1 mentioned it. i hate it when people that are in relationships use their situation to take swipes at us single people in hopes of making us catch feelings, us to be jealous of them, or to have us feel bad about ourselves for being single. :##: it's like we get that you're in a relationship and are happy about it. that's good for you. we're happy for you. that doesn't mean that people envy you or want to be in relationship as well and it certainly doesn't make you better than any of us either. i don't see how it does.
you have some people that just love to show off the fact that they're in a relationship or married especially in front of single people. they'll be like "i can't hang around you guys like that anymore, i gotta chill with my girlfriend or boyfriend or whoever" and things of that nature. that's some douchebag type shit. we get that you're partnered, breh. just because a couple of guys are all crying about not finding everybody doesn't mean that all of us single people feel the same way. there's certainly nothing wrong with me because i'm not in a relationship or have to answer to somebody like you do, breh. many of us are not preoccupied about that shit. we actually enjoy our freedom to move around and not have to be committed to somebody. :cool: so blah to that.
There are also single people who like to take shots at those of us in relationships...trying to make us feel as if we're 'wasting our time', "trying to be like heteros", 'needy', etc. etc. the list goes on. It goes both ways.
And last I checked: I'm in a relationship. I have "freedom"(s). And I have time I get to spend with a great guy I enjoy sharing my life with. Best of both worlds.
Looking back--I can also see how fabulous it was being single as well. There are perks to both. There's no reason for animosity or tension from either side. Funny thing is a lot of people don't realize that until they've experienced both sides of the fence.
I've never assumed single people are automatically miserable. In fact, most people I know love to boast about their single status...as if they're "free" while I'm expected to be miserable in my boring, stale relationship. :lol:
There is a difference between sharing things about our lives and rubbing it in others' noses. The latter is contemptible.
It seems like these relationship threads often go the way of the cut vs uncut threads by ending badly. One is not necessarily better than the other. The are just different. Nothing wrong with that unless you condemn someone for disagreeing.
I'm finished now.
yeah, there's single people outthere that are taking shots at a people in relationships but i don't think that it outnumbers the shots thrown by people in relationships though. i would say that it's for people in relationships in general (straight, gay, bi, whatever).Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT)
but then, i think that's the way society is though. being in a relationship is basically looked up to. when you're single especially for a long time, it's frowned on. for some reason, there's this weird idea that someone who isn't partnered up has something wrong with them and if they're a straight person, then all of a sudden they're secretly gay. *shrugs* hell, that's how a lot of gay rumors float around about celebrities. "oh that guy right there hasn't had a girlfriend in 15 years and if he has a girlfriend, he isn't outthere with her in hollywood. he's been single for a long time. he's always out on the red carpet by himself. he must be gay". maybe that dude likes to be single. maybe he doesn't give a fuck. hell, even this thread is inspired by the idea that being single is a bad thing or that there's something wrong with it. even if it wasn't a choice for me, i certainly ain't going to be crying or feeling sorry for myself because of it. hell no. i certainly don't live my life to be loved or to be in love. i don't put my time and effort into getting phone numbers or whatever because i don't care.
but speaking of all this though, i think people in general put too much care into things like relationship, love and sex to the point where it's ridiculous. it gets to the point where people are basically having the same conversation such as this one. i could have swore somebody made this thread about a month or two months ago asking the same question "are you happy being single?". after awhile, you begin to look at certain people's situations like "this person is upset that they're single", "this guy is having guy problems", "this guy has relationship problems". after awhile, i'm like shut up already, we get the point.
Yah...and I agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
You should know a bit about the latter, because from what I understand you have been accused of doing so from time to time.
Someone did. And there will be more.Quote:
Originally Posted by refujiunderground
totally with you on just about everything else you said as well. I like your attitude on this. ..|
i think that if anybody else makes this thread like this or similar threads and they've had a history of repeating it, they need to just fess up and admit that they're unhappy being single. i swear, some people are in denial that it's not even funny. they swear that they're happy when they're lying their asses off knowing that they're mad about being single. :lol: they need to look on the bright side and acknowledge their hand. masturbation is a gift. their hands aren't going to be as flexible as they are now. they need to look @ john mccain and muhammad ali. not dissing them at all but at one point, they were jerking off like the rest of us but now they're can't do that shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT)
It wasn't my intention to be confrontational. I do appreciate your contributions.Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
I didn't take it as confrontational and I was not trying to respond as if you were. Sorry if it came across that way. Typing words is just so inadequate at times. I understood what you were saying and know that what you feel is not uncommon.Quote:
Originally Posted by geloge
Yeah but part of the problem is this thread was created in HT instead of the relationships forum. As such, it may be subject to some flaming or whatever. But how can you compare this thread to one about a relatively trivial issue like cut vs. uncut. For me, I see this subject (being single or not) with the utmost seriousness. As such, that should colour the discussion. But I see I may be wrong and this may be just another way of launching thinly-veiled personal attacks.Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
Ugh.
I have held (and lived) both positions. The three relationships I had prior to this one I definitely experienced a loss of freedom and I had to struggle with holding on to my identity...to be fair it was already fragile and not their fault though at the time I wanted to blame them....Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
I loved being single....and those relationships probably taught me more about myself and other people than anything else in my life so I would begrudgingly experience them all over again because they led to to where I am today....they also helped me to really appreciate the times when I was single and I could have seen myself staying single my whole life ...very happily I might add.
....now I have a man (26 + years) who I don't just love unconditionally...I really like him too. For me..that is THE key. Everyone has different keys I suppose. I can say today I have more inner freedom than I have ever had BECAUSE of him...we have an amazing chemistry and I do believe we are soulmates. It IS alot of hard work though.
The thing is...there are many paths to bliss and some people maybe are meant to be single...and happy...and fulfilled. You can't fit a circle into a square and you shouldn't try. I personally have never even considered that being in a relationship is in any way superior to being single...I think this thread is the first time it has ever entered my thoughts. I have, however, considered a relationship a nightmare based on my experiences when I was single...I never had a desire for a relationship ironically...they just happened.
Since I quoted you in a previous post and then you wrote #58 I thought maybe it could seem like I was fighting your opinion. I didn't take your answer as confrontational either. I just wanted to make it clear (*8*)Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
I'm fine with it, but I would be happier to have someone in my life who loved and cared about me.
I'm getting old (40), and I'm perfectly ok with being single...not 'happy' or 'sad' simply ok with it, just doesn't bother me.
That said it may well because I have no idea what being in a relationship would be like since...
I've never been a relationship or dated or been even close with anyone.
There are times I think I'd really like to have a boyfriend.
Other times I want to remain single (and I pretty much assume I will end up being so forever)
I often daydream about having a sorta-boyfriend..just someone to cuddle with & kiss but nothing more (no sex/etc)
Really don't know a part of me wants love, another is very much afraid of it)
Yes, for the time being, I have enough troubles to deal with at the moment without adding a boyfriend to the mix.
This is something that I could have written myself. It echoes my own feelings completely.Quote:
Originally Posted by Coward92
Ahah, maybe we are soulmates then.Quote:
Originally Posted by reone
I've had similar views, having never been in a relationship. But I've often heard these concerns voiced by folks in relationships, so I've never looked at my lack of experience as a factor.Quote:
Originally Posted by sixthson
And I think people in relationships take it the wrong way when I express these views. Not being in a relationship (to me) means not having to answer to someone, not having to plan things with someone, etc. If I wanted to get up and move to San Francisco in a few weeks, I'd be freer to make such a decision on a whim as a single man than if I were in a long-term relationship. I think it's the concept of being tied down that irks me. I can be a very flighty person at times and a commitment such a relationship is kind of a thorn to that way of life.
If you love the person you're with, these kinds of things are moot. But I feel like when folks in long-term loving relationships hear me speak, they act as if I'm casting them in some sort of hard, cold prison. That simply isn't the case, especially for them, and I know that. But the things we mention here: sacrifice/compromise that come when two loving people join a relationship--aren't always as necessary for a single person.
You are single and free now. Could you tell me some of things you are doing right now that you couldn't do if you were in a relationship, rather than just the things from the future?
As of now, it's mainly spontaneous overnight trips here or there and various (random) bouts of time alone. And having complete control over how I like to spend holidays/occasions and such, which is a serious biggie for me.
I don't want to write off the future, however. I'm always thinking of picking up and going. I've pretty much alerted my good friends that if any one of them would like to move west in the forseeable future, I'm down for it. If anyone takes me up on it, I'm out.
NO! yet i'm a person how doesn't like people but i'm craving to squeeze someone between my arms and take care of him for almost the whole year :((
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rusty Crown
not bad at all. not bad at all. insecure about your grammar?Quote:
Also could you rate how my english was in this post, please?
Yeah. There are people who tend to treat relationships like you're being held against your will or you're in a prison cell. It isn't "freedom" that is being lost considering you shouldn't even be with someone who wants to control you in any sort of way. You're making compromises and sacrifices if need be. And this is all a matter of choice from myself anyway, so if I am choosing to want to have my relationship a certain way, then how is any "freedom" actually being lost?Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT)
Thank you! :) Yes I'm insecure about my everything actually :(Quote:
Originally Posted by refujiunderground