Why do I have to eat less at this time of year in order to not gain weight??? I'm getting as much exercise, eating the same or less, and gaining weight.
I know, it happens every year, and the doctor says it's connected to SAD... but I still hate it.
well, you know, this is nothing new and i've always done this since i was in high school, down in the dumps, feeling like i'm not amounting to shit and having other people such as my mother and my brother beating into my head the same thing as IF i don't know. i'm disappointment with myself and how i turned out. you know, if this was about 10 years ago, i would say take full responsibility and say that it's my own doing how i came out to be like this. however, i even realized back then that looking at my behavior, my feelings and etc, that i was going through some issues that i didn't know how to deal with and the people around me weren't of any help either. they pretty much didn't give a fuck.
HOWEVER, i'm starting to realize that i have a problem and despite what some people like my mother or my brother might say or want to believe that there is nothing going on with me, i am convinced there is. if i listened to my mother and went like "hey.. i can snap out of it. i need to keep myself busy. i need to do this, that and the fifth and basically IGNORE my issues" then i would wind up just like how she is. she basically is an example of what happens when you ignore your issues, try to take them on and basically fuck yourself over in the process.
i NOW realize that when i was 12 or 13, i might have been suffering from depression and anxiety issues. top that off with realizing that i might be gay and didn't know how to deal with it. i pretty much didn't know how to deal with so i decided to turn towards other things as a means of voicing myself. all the while, i was only digging myself into a bigger hole than i already was. when i reached out for help such as turning towards my mom who at the time i felt could have done something at my age, she didn't think that i had any issues or want to deal with it so she was like "you have nothing wrong with you. deal with it". i was brushed off and in turn, my issues got worse. i eventually turned towards the internet and eventually web forums expressing myself and my pain since that was the only place i felt comfortable since i was told by other people to "fuck off". i became comfortable with it instead of going to get help from a professional and things still got bad.
i am starting to realize that as much as i love my mother. she helped me, she loves me and all BUT at the same time, she kind of fucked me over by i say encouraging me to get to this point. she feels that i'm BLAMING her whenever i tell her to be supportive towards me getting help when in reality, i'm trying to let her know that her way of just "sweeping things under the rug and acting like my issues didn't exist where i should smile and pretend that i'm okay" isn't the right way to go. she thinks that i'm wasting my time going over to the shrink to talk as "there's nothing wrong with me". but then again, i realize that she too has problems and her way of handling them isn't the way to go such as her marriage. she wanted to have a happy home unlike the one that she came out of. she wanted my brother and me to have a mother and a father in the household. HOWEVER, she was there busting her ass and she stayed with a man that had no interest in being a father or a husband besides looking out for himself. she pretty much put herself in a shitload of stress and trouble trying to paint a reality that didn't exist and when i look @ her now, i see someone who still needs help. she realizes that she played herself BUT @ the same time, she thinks there's no way out of the mess that she built up.
i feel like that. i built a mess for myself but at the same time, i realize that the mess i built is NOT entirely my fault as i wasn't in the right fame of mind which affected my thought and decision process. if my head was in a better place from way back, i wouldn't be where i'm at today.
now, here i am, no ambition, no drive, feeling hopeless, drained, etc basically thinking that i can handle my own issues and now when i'm facing
On the earlier topic of slow drivers: what TRULY infuriates me is when you're on a pretty bustling street and you get behind one of those people who has to come to a NEAR COMPLETE STOP before turning right into a driveway or at an intersection. ARGH. Learn to drive.
Aside from finals, I'm dealing with walking on egg shells in my own living quarters. Things have been awkward since my roommate's little "confession." So he confronted me when I got back from taking care of a few things. Asked me why I haven't been talking to him since Sunday. I'm just trying to deal with everything at my own pace. We haven't talked about "it" but we did watch some funny videos on Youtube. I love that I can be myself around him and I'm scared where this is heading. I know we're going to end up having sex at some point.
^ a lot of guys would love to be in your position. Your "straight" crush actually liking you back. I had/still do have a "straight" crush on my former roommate and I never told him.
I know but the "straight" thing confuses me. Like I said, he doesn't believe in labels but if you're gay, you're freaking gay. I'm not gonna press the issue, just take it one day at a time.
"...No, that was during Thanksgiving break. We went to the skating rink and [insert his friend's name] got pulled over. If you would've called me over break, you would've known what went down. I don't like when you don't call me if I haven't seen you in days. I don't know how to explain these feelings but it's weird."
there was nothing more scarier than driving on the west side highway on the 4th of july with all those crazy ass drivers. i swear someone drove past me so fast where they hit a bump in the road that the bottom of their car touched the ground and sparks started flying everywhere. someone's car also came apart too while driving all crazy. even the police was driving all crazy and they weren't even chasing after anybody.
yep, my father IS indeed a narcissistic sociopath. a week later, he suddenly finds his billfold. dude is sick in the head and i want to get the FUCK away from him as well as stay the FUCK away from him too. someone like him will kill somebody and then try to push off the blame to someone else. stay away from sociopaths and narcissists when you spot them.
he also tried to take 40 dollars from my mom trying to use him losing his billfold as an excuse.
it just sickens and disturbs me how this guy shows so many red flags and warning signs saying "hello, i'm a narcissistic sociopath" and my mom literally acts all stupid like it's a joke or something all these years since high school where i told her that something isn't right with him.
goddamnit, i'm tired of people recording videos with potatoes and uploading them on youtube or the one that really pisses me off the most, folks that record the video upside down or upload the video upside down like some fucking jackasses and upload it on youtube, tumblr, or whatever. think about people's necks when they have to twist their heads to the side to see the fucking video.
but here i am ready to spank my monkey and damnit, all i see is polygons. the original playstation had better graphics. the fuck am i watching? i see his body BUT i see fucking polygons.
i have a mother who doesn't understand, doesn't listen, thinks she knows what's best instead of paying attention to what other people are telling her and then gets upset and angry over the littlest shit such as me just asking a simple question about whatever yapping about common sense. i have a father who's self centered, into himself, cries for attention and lies and manipulates, controls other people and etc who likes to drag people into bullshit. #-o
i find people who are overly superficial where they literally place value on how something or somebody looks over substance or whatever to be extremely annoying and irritating. it's normal to be attracted to something or someone that looks attractive and etc BUT speaking for myself, that's only one aspect of something or somebody. what i see isn't everything. i want to see if that person or that thing will be any use to me. okay, that doesn't sound right. i want to know if what or who i'm dealing with can be something or someone who i can enjoy or can help my life as well as i can help that person out as well.
like i hear how some of these guys and girls and people out here all make everything to be about looks and it's like "really?" you know, you buy a car that looks great BUT doesn't drive right. you date someone that looks great but has a shitty personality or has something wrong with them. you buy clothes that look good despite the fact that it's cheaply made and etc. i don't understand that. what i also don't understand is how these same folks try to do the whole bullshit idea of how "if something looks great, it's better than everything else". so if someone or something looks good despite the fact that there might be something wrong or fucked up about that thing or that person, you'll roll with that compared to riding with something that is safe, will benefit you and etc. wtf? you know, there's way too many people that don't mind being duped. all you have to do is find something that appeals to their eyes and their whole entire thinking flies out the window.
sure, i'll peep the good looking car, the good looking guy, the good looking house, the good looking computer and etc BUT that doesn't mean that i'll suddenly give it a go without knowing the specifics or knowing what or who i'm dealing with. i've been fooled enough times in the past to know how it goes. you have way too many people in the world that try to con others and go about using superficiality as a weapon. they smile all in your face, they present themselves as being nice, they try to place their looks and etc to make you think that what you're seeing is what you're getting BUT me, i don't buy that shit. someone can try their hardest to show how cute they are BUT it gets old quick. the good looking model is nice to look at and jerk off too and sure i might fuck him BUT that's probably all he'll get out of me. in order for me to even get involved with you on a personal level, you have to bring more to the table than how you look. i would want to be able to talk to a dude as if he's a friend where we can jerk around, ass around and etc. that's about it. everything else is secondary. it doesn't matter how good looking something or someone is, if there's no substance behind it, then it makes no sense wasting time.
i just hate how you have so much superficiality bullshit nowadays and in the same face, folks aren't keeping it real. it doesn't pay in the long run.
It's so easy to misread things said on the internet, so no, i'm not going to call you out on that comment BUT it's taking A LOT not to do so.
Hunty Honey, When you are the king of the hill and
live at the top, North, South, East or West is kind of
all the same in that they are all downhill.
Along about posting #256 here, I began to think I was listening to a bunch of people in an insane asylum. But I kept reading through to the end, trying to make sense of things, but it never happened. All I got out of this was a headache.
Why can't they make a dryer with a self cleaning lint trap?
Why can't the city filter our drinking water for us? Are we supposed to believe in an "acceptable" level of chlorine to ingest daily? Don't get me started on the water deposits.
Quiet lawnmowers? Please?
Road/driveway material that melts snow and ice?
Is this love?
btw, i love you mom BUT you don't understand me and i don't think want to.
you know, i have to get this out because i feel that hip hop and rap in general gets too much hate.
hip hop and rap is at least to me unique. to each his own BUT i think that it's one of the unique music forms. rock has its own science to it with the chord and guitars and rhythms where you have to have the ear and understanding to enjoy it. the art of music is that everybody thinks differently where they have their own likes and dislikes. a song that i might think is hot, you might think is wack and vice versa.
however, it annoys me whenever i hear people say that rap isn't music. IT IS MUSIC. in fact, i would have to say that rap is more of thinking than just listening and hearing sounds. i think the problem with a lot of rap or music in general is that it's more of "get your hands up, let me dance around, fist pump or whatever". at one point, that was what rap and hip hop was about. moving the crowd and etc. basically have people moving and dancing around, reciting your words and etc. over time, the lyrics took lives of their own where it became a music in itself. you might have folks saying nonsense BUT @ the same time, you can make sense out of it depending on how you think. the thing about it is that rap gets dismissed as not being music because people are speaking and not singing. it's as if folks are forgetting that the words in itself is music but at the same time, the words are telling you to THINK. hip hop and rap is THINKING MUSIC. if you don't like to think, then you're not going to enjoy it or see the value in it.
i remember listening to some rap songs as a teenager and i didn't understand the lyrics because at the time, i didn't get it. i used to want to be a rapper too. it used to leave me dumbstuck at how nas, jay, gza, eminem and etc could say the words and put some meanings behind those that would make me go :eek: "how did they do that?" when i heard eminem, jay, nas and other rappers saying that they would read books and read the dictionary. i wanted to do the same thing too because they had to be really smart in order to be able to put their words in a way that made perfect sense but had more than one way of being understood. i've found that i've also been able to learn new things from rap lyrics that i haven't been able to make sense of BUT over time, have stumbled across something which made me go "oh shit, that's what he was talking about?" like cold world from gza. he mentions that about "old iron on the sides, thugs took no excuses, therefore your 52 blocks are useless". i didn't know what the fuck he was talking about at the time. then i stumbled across some youtube video about 52 blocks which was this. . that line is basically him saying that the criminals had guns on them as iron is street slang for a gun or it could be defined as a boxcutter. gza used it as a metaphore using old ironsides but broke it down as "old iron on the side". 52 blocks could be defined as actually blocking or fighting or whatever.
i think a lot of people confuse 5 rappers who really can't rap or just say whatever over a beat to cash in a check to get famous as representing the whole entire hip hop culture. that's about as ignorant as say judging the whole rock scene off of nickleback or muse or dubstep off of skillrex or dancehall reggae off of beenieman or whoever's hot right now. you have to be open minded and etc. it takes talent to REALLY rap and it also takes talent to make a beat as well. it's one thing if you create a song from scratch but to use someone elses record, sample a part of it and make your own beat out of something that somebody else already did in itself is talent. i've heard producers basically take a part of someone elses song, filter it with the production equipment or chop it up and turn it into a song in itself. it's like wow, that is dope. they made the original record sound way better when they made it into a rap beat.
i wouldn't mind being a rapper or a producer BUT @ the same time, i realize that i don't have the balls to do it nor would i want to have that type of pressure on my head. maybe if i was in high school again where i had a bunch of time on my hands where i can let my mind go wild. it was a different time then compared to now. nowadays, you have a bunch of folks trying to come up being youtube sensations and industry plants. i think it's safe to say that the whole music world is fucked up now.
that one line could mean different thing BUT
because he needed a place (specific) to vent and dump. I suggested he open this thread. He did.
Now, you read the title, put 2 and 2 together and see if you can't get on the bus. Its a great thread
and doesn't have a set curriculum...it is what it is and it does what it does. Even as a prude I find it
one of the most interesting ...the op (and others) just fucking get down with whatever is burring their
saddle at the moment. GOOD JOB OP
i am REALLY getting sick and tired of my mom pushing her problems or trying to take her anger with whatever out onto me as if it's my fault. she's also ready to argue with me as well over nothing THEN is the first person to complain about how everyone is pissing her off. i just told her that i had a little cold and i had a sore throat and she's ready to tell me to shut up. the fuck is her problem?
and one thing that she really pisses me off with that is MOTHERFUCKING annoying is how she somehow loops me in with whatever my father or my brother or both of them those and blames ME as in saying "why did you guys do this?" why the fuck are you blaming me for something that i have nothing to do with? she had the audacity to say "why did you guys leave the food on the stove?" the fuck does that have to do with me? if you have a problem with your husband as he was the last person to eat and my brother who got up at 4 in the morning and saw the food on the stove, talk it up to them. don't fucking get mad at me and act like it's MY responsibility or MY fault for something that i don't fucking have to do with. for real. i'm tired of her saying "you guys" for things that involve my brother or my fucked up father. she also doesn't confront them either UNLESS they blatantly disrespects her to her face BUT yet she's ready to fucking start up with me over some little shit or ready to take out her frustration with them ON to me as if i'm some motherfucking punching bag. then she talks about "it's not just you alone". GODDAMNIT, A LOT OF THE SHIT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. IF IT INVOVLES ME, THEN MENTION IT TO ME BUT DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT OTHER SHIT THAT YOU'RE PISSED OFF WITH WHEN IT DOESN'T INVOLVED ME. TALK IT UP WITH HIM. APPROACH HIM ABOUT IT.
i feel that my mother is pushing my bro and me into whatever problems she has. like the issues with my father that has been going on before i was even born and etc. she and him been arguing and going through this same old fucking drama from way back when. after all these years where you're putting yourself in the drama, he's being abusive and etc, YOU STAYED ALONG WITH HIM. it's not like you didn't have a choice to walk away. even if you had to move out the states and go to england to get yourself together, that would have been a step towards changing your life and getting your ass out of this mess that you're in BUT you chose to persue a lifestyle that didn't make you happy for whatever reason. then my bro and me grow up in between your drama between you and our shitty lousy ass father AND then you mix us up in this shit talking about "you're just like your father". it REALLY pisses me off because i feel as if she's blaming ME excessively for her problems that I have nothing to do with. I have nothing to do with it. i'm just getting angry and heated thinking about it because i feel that it's stubbornness and selfishness on HER part. i'm also mad @ the fact that she tries to act like she knows what she's doing WHEN she clearly doesn't. she thinks she's making the right decisions BUT yet look @ where her decisions brought her. i keep telling her she needs to go to a shrink to talk about her problems and etc so because she's clearly angry and is letting fear get the best of her BUT she wants to go like "no... i don't have any mental problems or any issues so i don't need to go". well, you seem to be content and cool with having to deal with my shitty father for the past 30 years and bitching about how he screws you over and about the past with your mother, relatives and the issues @ your job. you obviously don't want to be a better person because you are having trouble doing it YOURSELF and are scared to admit.
another thing which i find annoying about this site, i get annoyed when i hear members whining about how they want certain members do this, do that as if they own that person or whatever else BUT yet they themselves need to tweek themselves a bit because they're basically fucking with other members with their bullshit. you get what i'm saying.
it's like how are you starting up with members, being rude, acting out of place, and etc BUT then you're saying that someone else who is basically doing their thing, minding their business and saying whatever they have to say, keeping the peace as the one being the problem? :confused: i don't get that. you know, there's a way to talk to somebody if you want to reach out to them and a way to disrespect somebody.
it's like folks are being disrespectful BUT then are saying "you can't insult me". it doesn't work like that. you can't disrespect somebody then think everything's going to be cool. not everybody is going to brush it off and play nice with you if you're dissing them. hell, in the offline world, you wouldn't do that because you know someone might smack the shit out of you or spaz out on you so i don't know why they think the same thing wouldn't apply on online like they won't get told off.
You may not always be the most articulate guy on the street but
damn...sometimes you can pull your head out of your ass and be
making more sense than half of us talkers.
Your post ^333 is a prime example.
i would never cut my mother off. i love her too much and she's always been good to me. my father on the other hand, i dunno. it's hard to tell if he geniunely cares about me.
When I open such threads, I learn a little about each of the people who post there. I leave comments, and I share my own experiences. People comment on my posts, we exchange PMs, and we get to know each other. The interaction is there, it's just not visible on the surface.
I admit I've expressed similar sentiments to you. I've thought that there are people who come here just to talk about themselves and log out without actually conversing with anybody, but then I realised how presumptuous that is. I can't see their comments section, and I can't see their inbox. I have absolutely no idea who most other JUBbers associate with around here.
It's entirely possible that some people are completely self-absorbed and are only interested in their own opinions and perspectives, but I think it's just as likely that they want to learn from and interact with others in the very same way I do.
Well stated young Anders.
You are certainly an articulate fellow and your reasonings
seem to lock right in to place with nary a hesitation or
and alex jones. :lol: that dude. he needs some pussy badly.
it seems like a damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Rant & Vent
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD THIS YEAR?????
This has been a year from every level of Hell that must exist.
It started at 10:05 on January 3 and even today I am sitting here just waiting for the next visit from the Dark Angels in charge of human misery.
Between work and health and pets and family and friends' problems ....it seems that the whole world has tilted on its axis this year and wobbles about once every few days...throwing me totally off balance.
I am utterly exhausted after dealing with a few total client psychos for months now and out thinking them at every step.
I am at the point of honestly trying to only hold it all together through this nightmare of a holiday season.
I have concluded that the first half of life must be about all the things you get and the rest of life is about all the things you lose or that someone yanks away from you.
Merry fucking Christmas.
^ All financial contributions are gratefully received at this time of year.
—and, yes, even from those who 'grind my gears'