Out of the midst of nothingness, someone has arrived in my life. A man, full of dreams and wishes. One who's educated and goal oriented, yet spontaneous in every sense of the word.
3 months of talking, no camming, nothing but words on a screen. An offer on his part to come visit me, and my second guessing myself and afraid to take a chance, kept everything at bay. Well, that would soon change. Last week, an offer was spoken once again from his lips. An invitation, with no expectations
I give up. I"m tired of wasting my life and time on losers. Every man that I come in contact with is either a fucking moron or not what you would call compatiable. So men can officially go fuck their hands. I'd rather play the straight route then waste my time.
A man makes promises, tells your thinks, and then turns right around and does the complete opposite! Jesus fucking christ! Does no one have the balls to be open and up front anymore? All I ask for is total truth 100% of
Emptiness. A person full of nothing. A drawer, filled with only the facades that are needed to keep others at bay.
Heaviness, weakness...Things that can't be seen nor explained, only felt.
Let me be...Let me be, from those who have hurt me, Let me be....from the things in life that entrap me, Let me be...from myself that incases me...Let me be...from this life, that owns me...Let me be.
Let this night continue forever, and let not the sun shine apon
A never ending cycle it seems. Year after year, looking back on past memories, photos, Journal entries...etc.. I can easily see the ups and downs that I my consciousness and self have went through. Can I pick out specific reasons or times in exsistence of why or when? Not off hand...could I? Perhaps.
How does one change who they are? When do those things that we were instilled with as children growing up, leave us? When does one completely break away from who they once were? Is it
The stillness of a heart beat. The moment, when the world stops turning, the air stops blowing, and for that moment in time, your heart stops beating.
The moment when your hopes and your dreams, seem to fade as that of a never exsisting whisper. A day without the sun, a night without the moon, when all the stars that are, choose to turn their faces from our very soul, this is when a heart stops beating.
These are the coverings over our eyes. These things, keep us occupied,