I might not have a boyfriend but twice in my life in past month I sort of knew what if felt like. The fist time happen mid week in July the whole family had gone on a family vacation, and I had bowed out stating I could not get off of work... a lie because during their 2nd week off I took a week off of my job.
Anyway I had decided on Wednesday I would go to Palm Springs only for the day I was not expecting anything of it take my book sit by the pool and read. No more then that.
For some reason I decided after 9000 post I was going to take a break from here. And do other things. For example I went to this gay men's discussion group in Long Beach this is the first time I had ever done anything like that Most often I would chicken out and go home or usually to a local book store but I actually went in and talked and here is the big kicker I am going to go back this Thursday. At bar also I am getting more comfortable even playing around with a few people nothing ever comes
how lucky you all are? Last night while I was in bed alone as I alway am I begin to think what would it be like to have someone else in the bed with me softly breathing as his chest goes up Staring at his face thing how "Lucky I am to have this man in my life" But while you are all doing that. I sleep alone in my bed some time staring at the ceiling wondering what I am going to be missing in my life? Will there ever be a time when there will be some one or will I have to go through life
While taking a shower tonight I Begin to think what is the reason why I might not be so outgoing as once I use to be. Then a thought came to me could it because I was in the closet so long that I put a shell around me to hid the fact that I was gay and I wanted no one to fine out?
If so then why is it still here now I since people know this should not bother me any more who knows what I do...well I would go into all the details in polite company.
Anyways as I stated
I as sit here late at night or early in the morning writing this little blog I wonder as the realization that with in a month I am going to turn a year older. Now personally I really don't mind the thought of growing older. After we all have to it is part of living. The thing that I don't want to do is to grow up. Now that does not mean that I don't want to shirk of my responsibilities, only that I don't want to be the one sitting on the bench complaining about what hurts me. Don't worry this is