http://www.justusboys.com/forum/ Share your story. Get advice. No flame zone! en Thu, 23 May 2013 16:54:54 GMT vBulletin 30 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/images/misc/rss.png http://www.justusboys.com/forum/ http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403542-Listen-to-My-Stupid-Problem?goto=newpost Thu, 23 May 2013 02:48:17 GMT I just typed this whole thing out and then got really annoyed at how wordy and detailed it was. I'm going to try to explain this more concisely but just know that I am fully aware that my problem is ridiculous and self created. I am super self-aware so there's no need to point that out probably.

So the quick version is, i met a guy on Grindr (this is how all problems start) and we met up for coffee. I wasn't really sure what i was looking for but it was nice and fun and i spent like four hours chatting with this cute guy about music and friends and life. It was mostly nice and we mutually agreed that we should do it again. The hang-up, which i didn't realize at first but became aware of right before we met up, is that he's 19. I'm 26. I thought he was older, i feel weird about it. I was really enjoying swapping ridiculous college party stories with him until it became clear that he was still living most of those stories.

I just feel really weird about the whole thing, like, i'm an adult and work in marketting and have a 401K. He's saving money from his his summer FroYo job to go to EDM festivals. I know I should probably just drop it but he keeps texting me and I keep texting him back because he's cute and i like him and i would be sad if i made him sad. This, in turn, makes me feel like even more of an old creep. So my questions are as follows:

1. Am I an old creep? I am open to the possibility that I am. Do i just like him because he's the kind of guy i would have gone for when i was 19 and still didn't have it together. A lot of my friends are getting married maybe I'm regressing because I don't feel ready for all that? I don't know! Judge me please!

2. What should I do about him? I can't date him obviously but he has to go back to school in the fall so hopefully he's not expecting that. I guess it could be a fling sort of situation...or is that creepy? Ugh, can be friends with him? I would probably end up sleeping with him anyway and that would be worse. I am kind of being ridiculous but that point is that i don't want to blow him off entirely because it is rude and i am obviously conflicted.

3. Has this ever happened to you? Please tell me i am not the only one who can't tell the difference between 19 and 23.

That's it, thanks for listening to my disjointed rambling. If you made it this far you may as well leave a comment. I kind of just wanted a sounding board and obviously if i told my IRL friends i'd be mocked until the end of my days.

Oh god, i just had the worst thought ever. What if he's "into older guys." Am I "older guys" now? If he says that to me in any way I'm probably going to jump. ]]> Wyzeguy http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403542-Listen-to-My-Stupid-Problem http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403527-Not-Meeting-BF-s-Family?goto=newpost Thu, 23 May 2013 00:20:10 GMT My BF and I have been together for a year now and his parent's, aunt and uncle and grandma are in town for a week for his graduation. Though, a couple months ago when he let me know this he said I could come to his graduation and meet his parent's.

When we saw it was scheduled during work that was alright I'd meet them when we had time after my work during the week. Though, there's been no mention of this from him and now I feel uncomfortable asking since I don't want to force him to introduce me. Plus it could be a minefield... (He's out to his parent's and they know we're dating but he might not be out to his extended family...)

What do you think? I'm a bit concerned about how to ask :? ]]> erobert http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403527-Not-Meeting-BF-s-Family http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403525-I-m-tired-of-being-single?goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 23:50:55 GMT Okay so recently all my friends have been coupling up and sometimes I find myself as the only single person in a group of couples. This started off... Okay so recently all my friends have been coupling up and sometimes I find myself as the only single person in a group of couples. This started off as fine because they are all my friends, but it just eats away at me that everyone else is happy in a relationship and I'm not. The only problem is that I've never been in a relationship, or never dated anyone, and for gay men you can't really just approach guys in a coffee shop and flirt with them (not that I can flirt anyway), but straight men can (I've seen it done). So the question, for this part of the post anyway, is where do you meet guys who are looking for a relationship? I saw in another thread people say look everywhere but, like, where is everywhere? (This may sound like a stupid question so I'll clarify in a brief paragraph below.)

Okay so to clarify, I don't really go out very much. I've got Social Anxiety Disorder which means I don't enjoy large crowds or groups of people so I avoid any situation where there may be groups. This is obviously a hindrance but it's not something I can help easily (I saw a doctor about it, he referred me to some help but they never contacted me and the doctor never followed it up like he said he would. Long story short really.) Oh and I don't work either, currently unemployed, so I don't even meet people at a work place. So where else is there?

The second part of this is me kind of acknowledging that I have trust issues so really find it difficult to be in a relationship. This kind of comes from my friends because for years I had really awful friends. On at least four or five separate occasions, in the last thirteen years, I've had friends that I've trusted and they've gone and completely destroyed my trust by basically gossiping and spreading everything I've told them in confidence. Not to mention when I went to University, I thought it was a great time to make some "gay friends" in the LGBT society and they basically spent the entire time gossiping about me behind my back and spreading rumours and stuff about me and so for two years the people who I thought were my friends didn't actually even consider me anything more than the butt of jokes. There are other instances but some of them are quite emotional for me so they are difficult to type and I have never ever said them out loud to anyone because I just can't do it.

So as a result of this I find it very difficult to trust anyone. Couple this with the idea that pretty much every gay man I've met in real life has never been looking for a relationship and just purely wants "fun", it doesn't make for a very healthy mental image in my head of how relationships can be attained.

Whenever people talk about their boyfriends or something it always seems like a foreign concept to me, like that imaginary land where you're never going to be able to get to because for you it doesn't exist.

Now I've had offers of guys who would "like to get to know me" from online dating websites but they always come with the stipulation that I cut my hair. Now I have long hair (not insanely long but it's down past my shoulders anyway) and the only offers I've ever had have come with that stipulation. I'm not cutting my hair because I like it but sometimes (I don't want to be too dramatic here but I may come across as such) it feels like I'm dooming myself to an eternity of being single because I'm severely limiting the guys that would find my attractive (apparently long hair on a guy isn't as sexy as I think it is).

Wow, so let me just thank anyone who read all of that and apologise for writing so much but it was difficult to write because I've never admitted I want a relationship before. I've never been the one that needs someone else, I've always been headstrong and independent (half due to the trust issues really) so it took a lot of effort to write this and so I do honestly thank anyone that reads this.

Also a question I wanted to do in a different thread but figured it might be beneficial here is "Where did you meet your current or ex boyfriend/partner/husband?" Just because obviously if some people know that you can meet guys in a coffee shop (even on a rare one off chance) then it might help put some hope into guys like me. ]]> amwao1 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403525-I-m-tired-of-being-single http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403524-Really-need-relationship-advice!?goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 23:49:46 GMT Hi everyone!

I'm new here so bear with me. I'm a college freshman (well, sophomore now that the year is over!) and just had an amazing year. I don't want to give out too much personal information but basically I am in a very passionate emotional relationship with my mentor who is one of my best friends and I am unsure about a few things.

Sorry for the long story but I want to get all the info out first!

I met this guy at the very beginning of the year and he appealed to me right away. To give some background, I don't know what my sexuality is but I've been attracted to both guys and girls in the past. The guy is someone who definitely then wouldn't have been considered "hot". He was pretty overweight (still is a bit) though not really fat, just a big guy...like 6'3', 230 pounds big with broad shoulders and a thick German build. I am 5'6" and skinny. He is about four and a half years older than me. What got me right away was his confidence. He is sort of a big deal on campus and everyone knows he has a very powerful family and is ma$$ively loaded. There's this look in his eyes always that just screams "I run the show" and I was both intimidated and impressed at first. The way he speaks is seriously hypnotic, doesn't matter if he's whispering or yelling or in between.

He and I are part of the same organization and he was involved in the process by which new members enter into the organization's ranks. The entire time, I did all I could to learn from him even though I was afraid to talk with him directly at risk of embarrassing myself. Eventually, I gave him a ride as he was drunk and got to know him a bit and I just wanted more. I started texting him and we began talking all the time on Facebook. I didn't think he was gay (and still am not sure) but I was just awestruck by this guy. Eventually, he took me as his official "mentee" in the organization which I was seriously excited about!

We became very close and I would even call him one of my best friends despite our age difference. Eventually, I began to have serious feelings towards him. It seems weird as he's almost paternal towards me (always advising me, looking out for me, paying for me, etc. etc. etc.) but I just began to want him. I'm not just talking about sexual desire. I have no question he will be doing BIG things one day politically/business-wise/you name it and I want to be by his side for it all. And he is the #1 guy encouraging me to reach for the stars and I just see him as the perfect partner to get there with. I'm not trying to ride of his success, I want to support him and be there when he goes to bed every night and think there's no one better to do what he wants to do.

Eventually, the attraction began to seem mutual. We would spend a lot of time at his house which is probably the nicest house any college student has ever lived in. We would sit there with the TV or a movie on but not even focusing on it, just looking each other in the eyes talking about everything. We'd get drunk, occasionally do drugs, and just be with each other. One night, one thing just led to another and he leaned in to kiss me and next thing I know I woke up in his bed the next morning!

It isn't a sexual thing. We've only had sex once which was the night before I was leaving town. It was the most amazing experience I've ever had, but the most we do on a regular basis is make out and cuddle at night. Most nights, we don't even sleep naked! But the absolute passion we feel is there every second and we don't even need sex.

However, all good things come to an end. My parents made me come home for the summer while he is staying in our college town. This comes at a time when he is starting to really work out a lot and I would honestly call him smoking hot nowadays. But everyone else is noticing too.

I have a few concerns about this that I really would love to hear your input on:

1) I'm worried he isn't gay. He is known for having sex with lots of girls and we've only had sex once.

2) I'm worried he has slept/will be sleeping with other guys. He hangs out with a lot of great looking guys, some of whom look at him the same way I do and I can't tell what his reaction is. I am pretty sure he has at least hooked up with a known gay guy. I am not out of the closet and technically we don't have a relationship, but the thought of him with another guy kills me and there is no way for me to know.

3) I have a great fear of embarrassing myself in front of him. This guy is a god to me and I'm worried constantly I'm not good enough.

4) I'm not sure if this senior/junior status can work long term. He is so dominant in everything he does, and our relationship is no different. He is never rude or mean to me (and I know he can get angry and really be mean to people as I've seen it), and in fact he puts me on a pedestal and has said he loves me. But I am not sure if such an arrangement is sustainable?

5) I'm concerned I'm not good looking enough for him. He is getting better looking constantly and the guys he associates with are seriously beautiful. What if he gets other ideas?

I have so many more concerns that are tough to express but here they are for now! In short, I really love this guy and just want it to work out forever.

Thanks in advance for all of your advice! ]]> DMWFlorida94 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403524-Really-need-relationship-advice! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403516-try-a-poly-relationship?goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 20:26:48 GMT So, I'm a 20 year old college student at home for the summer and have extremely limited gay experience (kissing). So I figured try a summer romance and see where it goes.

I was on the Mister app and answered a couple looking to add a three and start a poly relationship. I thought, I've always wanted to experience being in a polyamorous relationship (and with 2 older guys) so I should try it.

They gave me their number to text before meeting to chat.

Now that it can become a reality I'm starting to flake but really wanna try a polyamorous relationship with 2 older men.

What should I do? Should I text them? Should I pursue this? Any tips?

(What I like about their profile is that it's a relationship not just sexual) ]]> yourson http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403516-try-a-poly-relationship http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403487-Am-I-the-only-one-with-such-bad-self-esteem?goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 10:52:23 GMT _I think this is the relevant subforum to post it on. (most of it being why I am so reluctant to be in a relationship/ come out), feel free to move... I think this is the relevant subforum to post it on. (most of it being why I am so reluctant to be in a relationship/ come out), feel free to move it!

Hey everyone. I have had a shockingly bad self-esteem for a long time. I have always been 'fat', but I lost 20 kilos when i was 15, put that plus more on over the years cos of being lazy and most of my hobbies involved being inside, and the stress of my finals saw me at my peak. I was pretty big.

I have lost another 20kgs now and know I am gonna stay this way. It has been a more or less overhaul of my lifestyle. I have a lot more confidence than I HAD, but I still feel like my self-esteem is flat out crap.

First of all, I contribute most of it to my man boobs. Most of my weight is stored in my torso. I feel like that 20kg I have lost has gone from everywhere but my torso. I was going through before photos when I was big. I can see a huge difference in my leg size and face shape, and a slight difference in my torso and arms. This kinda made me feel like shit. 20kgs down and I feel like I look like I have lost 5.

I think I have gynecomastia (the man boobs you wont lose no matter how thin you get). I am not thin now, but it feels like I have the boobs of a woman, and love handles. I am always conscious of them and always wear jackets and stuff to cover it up. I also have huge areolas (the part around the nipples). I am not sure if that will go when I lose more weight but that is just such a confidence killer. To the point I dont want to take my top off. Even my closest friends havent seen me shirtless.

Just when you though it wasnt bad enough, I get to suffer from acne on my back. No matter what I do it refuses to go away. It isnt that bad, but it is certainly scarred up and sure as hell unappealing.

Lately I have been becoming alot more confident in my sexuality, and am really wanting that feeling of having someone to love and spend time with, but on the flip side I feel like even if the situation arose, I would sabotage myself due to my horrible self-esteem. I do not want to 'come out' until I actually have someone I am going out with, so that pretty much leads to me being deeply closeted for a while to come.

I probably will result to surgery on my man boobs (after I get thin and theyre still there.. preparing for the inevitable), and then the only thing someone will have to be grossed out by is the acne scars on my back.

Well.. there you have it.
All that results in my shit self-esteem. Even reading through this, I think it is pretty bad how I talk about myself but this just guts me. Does anyone else have problems like this? How did you overcome your self-esteem problems. How did they hold you back and how were you able to live your life after overcoming them. Thanks, and sorry if I just look like an idiot venting on a forum. :help:


Typing this out, I realise that the way I will overcome this is to get chest surgery and keep up my healthy lifestyle. ]]> FootBoy http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403487-Am-I-the-only-one-with-such-bad-self-esteem http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403470-Complicated-situation?goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 04:23:14 GMT Since I was about 16 I have had thoughts on and off of joining the military. I had decided not to, and really had never told anyone. Instead, I... Since I was about 16 I have had thoughts on and off of joining the military. I had decided not to, and really had never told anyone. Instead, I started to go to school for law enforcement and am working at the police station. This past year, I cannot seem to get over the thought of joining, but not telling anyone and just going.

I'm still young enough, the only thing is, I have a boyfriend and I help take care of my family.
I haven't talked to either of them about this reoccurring thought and how it's becoming more and more of a desire. I'm not sure how to approach them with this since I know both parties will be saddened, nervous, and I'm sure upset.

Aside from that, I'm also worried about being gay and going into the military. 90% of the people I know here, don't know I'm gay nor know I have a boyfriend lol.

I don't know what to do. :( ]]> Little Lion Man http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403470-Complicated-situation http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403468-Damn-it!?goto=newpost Wed, 22 May 2013 04:06:49 GMT Lol, sorry for the title. Haven't been here for a while. Quite a lot has happened. I'm very busy with school/work. I've had random crushes here and there, but I'm not really looking, or I thought I wasn't.

There's this guy in one of my classes. He's very cute, in my opinion anyway. I figured he was straight so I didn't pursue it. Well, there was this weird sort of thing going on between us. He seemed to be interested in me, just based on his body language, but I could be wrong. So based on how he was acting I've shown interest back. I always make sure I'm friendly toward him.

So this had been going on for a while, but now he seems to be a bit mixed. He used to sit right by me, but now doesn't. Last class he sat away from me, but while I was talking to someone else about myself he turned and listened to my conversation. So I don't know if he's loosing interest in me or not.

I figure that he probably just wants to network with me or see my film/directing work. I just feel that if he's interested he'd, you know, talk to me. I guess I have to give him leeway since he's from Russia, so maybe it's even harder for him to talk to me. He doesn't really talk to anyone, that I've seen.

So, to the point. I found out what his name was in class and I went to see if he has anything on youtube. All I found on him was a facebook page, so I thought I'd check it out. Well, I think he's actually gay. Do straight guys like Lana Del Ray, Twilight, My Little Pony, say that they are concerned with Beauty and Looks, make a comment like 'why is Bradly Cooper considered the hottest man when Ryan Gosling exists', quote Katy Perry/Lady Gaga, have pictures of cocks in their mouth? Ok, not that last one.

I could be wrong.

I'm wondering now, is it weird for me to even try talking to him now that it seems that he's becoming sort of disinterested in me? Even if nothing happens, it would still be interesting to find out what he's done, where he's coming from. I just feel like I'll look/be weird if after all this time I suddenly start trying to talk to him.

Correction, I've talked to him once. It was midterm. I'm always early and I was about to enter the class, when I see he's leaving it. He see's me, looks panicked and starts leaving, but I ask him if there was someone in there (like from the previous class). He says "No" in a high voice as if he's very nervous to talk to me. His voice is pretty deep normally. So I say "Oh. Okay, cool!" and go in. That was actually the first time he didn't sit by me, now that I think about.

Maybe that was the moment? Did I blow it? I'm so shit at this kind of stuff. In the past when I thought someone was flirting, they just wanted to be friends with me so I'm not sure, but I wouldn't mind being his friend though! ]]> StarHealer http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403468-Damn-it! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403445-Can-You-guys-read-my-letter-and-tell-me-what-you-think?goto=newpost Tue, 21 May 2013 22:06:27 GMT I've been thinking about coming out recently and I've decided to come out by giving my parents a letter and having them read them then talking about it right afterwards.

I am an 18 year old guy, I go to an out of town university but I am back now for the summer. I live with my parents and my three younger sisters.

I don't think that they will kick me out or be violent or anything we are a close family and it just kills me not being able to share this with them. I am just scared that they won't accept me or let things get weird between us.

I kinda just want to do this with my parents and maybe just tell my oldest sister who is 15. I want to hold off on telling my younger sisters they are 8 and 10. I don't want to confuse them they will find out when the time is right.

Do you guys have any advice on how to bring this up? I would rather talk to my parents and give them my letter when my sisters are not in the house. Then just talk to my sister separately.

- - - Updated - - -

Here is the letter

You guys,

I can’t think of any other way to tell you this without getting everything I have to say out exactly as I want to say it. That is why I have decided to say it through this letter. Please just read through the whole thing before speaking or asking any questions. I just want to say everything that I want said.

I haven’t been completely honest with you guys. It kills me every time that I try to cover up something. I’m sorry that I’ve lied to you guys but please just know that I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared, and even now I am scared. I don’t want to disappoint or hurt you. Those are the last things that I want to do.

I’m going to tell you guys the reason why I don’t like discussing my love life, why I don’t like it whenever you guys see a cute girl that passes by and you guys point it out, and why I don’t like it when you guys are always commenting on how I’m so shy and won’t go for a girl who’s right in front of me.

I’m gay. This isn’t anything that can be helped. This isn’t anything that I have chosen and this isn’t anything that you guys have done to me. Believe me if things could change they already would have been different. This isn’t something that I would wish on anyone. I didn’t choose to have people hate me just for being who I am. I didn’t choose to have a hard life. For the most part I have come to terms with this, and I feel that it is time to tell you guys this.

I’m sorry that I have taken this long to tell you guys. I’ve wanted to tell you guys for a long time and sometimes when I ask you guys you guys state that you don’t have any problem with gay guys, but other times I will hear a small remark here and there that just hurts me. Like when you joke around that vixen is a “fag”, or every time that you see a guy act effeminate I hear the remark “That’s why we had a son”. I don’t think that you guys do this with any malice. I don’t think that you guys mean to do this. If you guys knew that it bothered me I don’t think that you guys would have ever made those comments.

I am just so scared of losing you guys and your support. I always try to just dance around the truth whenever you guys ask if I have a girlfriend or if I am interested in someone else, and it just tears me up inside. I am sorry. Please don’t have your feelings hurt. The last thing that I have ever wanted to do was to hurt you guys. It’s just that I have heard so many horror stories about how people’s parents get so angry over this and they kick out their children on the streets. I’ve heard how some parents just hate their children over this, and they just don’t even talk to them. The idea of this terrifies me and I pray to god that this never happens to me. I love you guys and I don’t want to lose you guys over this.

I don’t want to disappoint you guys. I love both of you. Please I want to still have your love and support. I know this may be hard to accept and it will take time for you guys to accept this. Just please understand that this isn’t anyone’s fault and that I don’t want to lose you guys. I’m sorry. I will not bring a girl home. I can never give you guys a daughter-in-law. I will never have a bride. I know this isn’t a life that you guys would want for me, this isn’t even anything that I would want for myself, but we are all dealt different cards and we can’t change that.

This doesn’t change who I am. I do not act like a girl. I don’t talk with a high pitched voice. You will never see me in skinny jeans or acting flamboyant. God does not hate me. And I am not sick. I am still your son. I am still the exact same guy that you guys have raised and known all my life. I’m sorry if you guys are disappointed. I just want to still be able to make you guys proud. Please don’t let things get bad or weird between us. I just want to have a happy life. That life includes you guys. I want to be able to include you guys in my life and let you know what is going on in my life. I want to be able to talk with you guys about anything. This doesn’t change the fact that I love you guys and it doesn’t change me. I hope that you guys are still willing to accept me.

With love,
Brandon. ]]> dragon08 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403445-Can-You-guys-read-my-letter-and-tell-me-what-you-think http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403361-Comming-out-in-a-messy-way!!?goto=newpost Mon, 20 May 2013 17:12:59 GMT Hi guys, I'm a long time viewer but first time poster!!

I've been in the closet for all my life and I'm 25 now!! I've never had a relationship with a girl or guy, I have known I was gay since I was about 12, anyways recently I've been getting drunk a lot and the truth has been coming out, slowly. I don't think I would ever have done it sober but recently I've been getting depressed with alcohol, and this just isn't like me, I'm normally a happy guy off alcohol, anyhow, a few weeks ago I did the usual went for a few beers with mates, had one to many, all was ok, towards the end of the night when everyone else had gone, we were waiting for a taxi, and I just came out to him there and then!! I felt quite good but even though I seen him regularly since we have never spoken about it, I seem to remember him saying he will always be my mate and there for me!! Good stuff!!

Anyways more recently went out and got absolutely steaming and went home, had to wake mum and dad up as I had lost my keys, anyhow when I went in, I just burst into tears and told them there was something I needed to tell them, both were shocked but said they didn't care and had no idea, although I'm sure they did... So my question to you guys is what now? I wish I hadn't done it drunk but have wanted too for a while, I don't have any gay friends so to speak, and I have never been to a gay bar etc? Also where I live is quite a secluded place, I'm just after a bit of advice on what next and any other experiences similar? Thanks xx ]]> skyhigh87 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403361-Comming-out-in-a-messy-way!! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403316-Divorcing-and-Struggling?goto=newpost Sun, 19 May 2013 21:55:32 GMT Hey everyone. I was recently referred to this site and this forum seems like a good place to ask some questions/get some help.

I've been married for 18 years. Before we got married I told my wife that I "used to be attracted to guys". She took it at face value and never really questioned it. A few times over the years, the subject has come up with so-so results.

We've been working a lot on our relationship the last 18 months and seeing a marriage counselor. A month ago, I told her that I was gay and only attracted to men. I wasn't looking to end the relationship, honestly, I just wanted to stop the pressure of having sex (which we haven't had in 7+ years).

Two weeks ago, she told me that she wants a divorce. Now, I'm in the process of trying to rebuild my life. Because I am self-employed (and not making much money), I am going to have to find a job, find somewhere else to live, find new friends (most of our friends are from church), develop a completely new identity and try to figure out a way to explain this to everyone.

Meanwhile, I still love my wife dearly and she loves me as well. She has told me that if I would just fuck her occasionally, she would stay married to me. But I have no desire at all to have sex with her.

I'm completely overwhelmed with all the things that I need to do and how quickly it has to happen. My online gay friends are telling me that I should be happy because I'm "finally being who I really am". At the same time, I'm feeling an incredible amount of self-hatred and blaming myself for destroying a marriage and screwing up our kids' lives.

I'm not sure where I"m going with this, but whatever you might be able to suggest, I would greatly appreciate.

Thanks! ]]> PABear http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403316-Divorcing-and-Struggling http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403294-Is-my-friend-gay-bi?goto=newpost Sun, 19 May 2013 13:45:46 GMT So he doesn't know I am, but there are so many little signs that make me think he is.


He's really touchy feely with everyone and he's had one girlfriend, when he was 18.. He's now 21.


He didn't do anything with the girl except for kiss, they split up and he was heartbroken and still claims he is..

We always try and get him with girls and he goes along with it, but when it actually comes to going on a date with them he backs out, he says he wants to concentrate on finishing University before he starts dating and stuff, but he literally finishes in a week.

The other day we went out and he was telling me about how he really wished he did fashion at uni, instead of what he's doing now.

Theres small things that make me think he is, but I don't know.

Music taste too.. we were listening to the radio and Justin Bieber came on and I turned it off and he put it back on and said he loves the song, along with One Direction. Another thing is how he kept looking at guys, not girls.. Especially when we were all drunk, thats one thing I noticed..

I was thinking about telling him that I'm bisexual, but I just haven't found the right time.. ]]> boyd291 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403294-Is-my-friend-gay-bi http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403289-I-don-t-know-what-to-do?goto=newpost Sun, 19 May 2013 12:11:47 GMT Ok, this might be a bit of a read, so apologies in advance, not sure how to shorten this. Please, before offering any word, please understand I'm in a very emotional place right now and don't hope to read any hurtful comments.

First of all, I'm recently single from an almost 13 year old relationship that has been a rut of sorts for the past few years. In an effort to compromise with each other, we agreed to an open relationship in our last year together. This found me involved with another man who also was in a long term relationship that was seemingly at it's heels and on it's last thread. We found a comfort in one another (he's 46 and I was 33, now 34). We'd both been in unhappy relationships. In my relationship, I'd been faithful for 12 years regardless that there was no sex life with the exception of a some oral fun once every few months, never ever was there intercourse. It wasn't until I found comfort in the guy I met as a result of the open relationship that I found myself bottoming for the first time since before I met my current partner 12 years prior. It was like losing my virginity and it assisted me becoming more emotionally invested with the new guy.
We'd been involved for about 7 months and in that time, he initiated contact with me through messages about 75% of the time, always in touch, at least once every couple to 3 days. He says what we have is special and goes from calling me Mike or Mikey to Michael (in which I read as "Mike is the guy I was fucking, Michael is the guy I'm making love to) and wishes me a happy valentines' day (something that never posed as a special gesture to my current partner at the time). In short, the guy I got involved with showed me my idea of romance like I'd never experienced. I'm sure it's no surprise that I fell madly in love with this guy. Which takes me to the end of my current relationship. I'd realized I was getting into some quick sand and only sinking deeper realizing it's time the relationship ends as it's not been a real relationship for years, we just stuck together out of comfort. It comes to an end.
I then find myself approaching the new man I'm involved with and expressing my feelings toward him and even impulsively announcing that I'm falling in love with him. He tells me he can't offer any committments, which of course I understand, but also, cannot and will not offer anything exclusive or monogomous. I'd been devesated that I had no choice but to have to share him with others. I couldn't stay, so I exit the relationship telling him that I'll not be respecting myself if I stay, so I have to leave. All the while, in doing so, this is being handled through text. I know it was the biggest mistake and I couldn't have been more impulsive on my actions and I regret it deeply and I expressed such sorrow to him. I admit, I'd hoped he would put up a fight to keep me, which he didn't. I begged pretty much to see him one last time, but he would not acknowledge that. He just made it clear that we are both in search of different things and that I deserve someone that can give me all that I want in a relationship. He insists that it's time we move on. I have no choice at that point but to accept it. I even offer a love letter to express, romantically, my real feelings at the end of it all in which he replies that he's aware there was a spark and chemistry between us and that he felt it but again, it is time to move on and says goodbye in which I reply quite angry (understand, at this point, I'm heartbroken and simply devestated) and call him out on not knowing what he wants and he's just out to hurt others in his romantic quests he's never had an intention of seeing through. And I say goodbye to him.

4 weeks pass and in that process, I'm beginning to move on and feeling better about it all. However, one thing that isn't sitting right with me at this time is how I handled it all and find myself worrying that his last impression of me is a bad one. I know I shouldn't give a shit and just accept the damage done, but I don't. I discuss this with my father who tells me that he can't see what this man did that was wrong. He reminds me that he was obviously romantic with me because he cared enough about me and what we shared together than to just treat it as sex and that he must have saw me more than just a piece of meat. How can that be a bad thing he asks me? I realize that this man was nothing more than a gentleman and I realize, I need to make one last apology. I send one message to him expressing how I know my conduct was wrong and that he gave me more happiness than I realized in years and how I ran away from it all so impulsively out of fear of getting hurt. I wish him well and remind him it was a pleasure knowing him.
He responds to my message, it which I didn't expect in a million years. He says it was difficult for him as well and that he appreciates the message, basically clarifying that there are no hard feelings. I feel better and I start to move on the following week accepting there's nothing to be ashamed of anymore.
A week passes and in that time, just like the previous month, I have this hope or thought that keeps running through my head asking "is it really over? Will I ever hear from or see him ever again?" It's running through my head constantly and even questions such as "will we ever find out way back to each other" occuring to me, which I hate, cuz I just want nothing more than to move on. I've never been more emotionally upset or heartbroken about something. It felt like someone died and I had now last chance of saying in person goodbye or that I love them. It has just been the most heartbreaking time for me ever.

Well, this brings me to this past thursday, the day before my 34th bday. I'm on my way to my clients house (I'm a home support worker) and am scheduled there until 4PM. I finish my shift all the while, I'm having question run in my head asking "what are the chances I would ever bump into him?" and take a pit stop into the store for a pack of gum. Everything seems to be happening for a reason. I drop my change, the cashier expresses confusion of how much change he owes me, this seems to all be taking time for a reason. I leave the store and approach the cross walk and as I'm about to cross the other intersection, who catches my attention starting at me with bewilderment as if he's as equally shocked to see me as I am him? It's the man I fell in love with standing right before me. We lock eyes and my heart is about to beat out of my chest and I'm shaking like a leaf. It's like I'm dreaming or that I'm seeing someone that I loved that died and they'd just been resurrected before me. It's the most surreal moment I'd ever had with another human being.
We engage in talk for a couple minutes and update each other on where we are? I let him know I've recently moved out and am now living on my own with a new job lined up next week. He updates me on his home/relationship life, which is the same and good things happening on the work front. I express deep sorrow through apology for how I handled everything in which he says he's moved on from, which I took as "no hard feelings". It was literally just a month a a week prior to this day. He seems impressed with the new direction my life is taking. He asks if I have a boyfriend and I tell him I don't and that I'm just focusing on me. I tell him I have to get to my next clients house as I'm running late. He hugs me and I hug him back. I offer the invite to keep in touch if he so wishes and he says he still has my number. He makes his way away from me.

My bday comes the next day and all I keep thinking about is this man. I spend my day crying so hopelessly devestated. Part of me was thrilled to see him, but another part was just devestated as well. I wanted to say so much more but didn't have time. All the while, my roomate is helping me cope in all this. He asks me "correct me if I'm wrong, but this is your first love, isn't it?" and while I pause and reflect on my past partner of almost 13 years, it hits me, this was indeed true. I was a kid when me and my partner got together and when we did, I just wanted a boyfriend more than anything and we began our lives together and became almost like best of friends through out the years in which I loved him more than anything in the world, like I do family. The guy I got involved with in that 7 months was indeed my first true love experience. He is everything I would want in a man. He is every bit a mirror of my idea of romance and I know I could have made him so happy as he could have made me and now it's all over. I don't know how to cope with these feelings. I can't shake this feeling that he felt every bit the emotional connection I did. I know I couldn't have been in this alone. My gut just insists that I wasn't. At the beginning of knowing him, I had every inkling that he was smitten and intrigued by me and when my feelings started for him, that's when my insecurities said "there is no way he could feel the same as I feel for him" as if now he was just too good to be true.

Now, since seeing him, I feel my heart has been reopened to all of this. I keep thinking that it was a gift from God to give me the in person closure I wanted, which it has in the effect that I now know he holds nothing against me for my actions in text and hurt. But now, I am at odds wondering if I'll ever hear from him or see him ever again and I admit, I have a huge part of me that just hopes and wishes so badly he will find his way to me and we'll somehow complete each others' love story. It felt SO FUCKING RIGHT that it just devestates me that it's all over and I can't seem to accept it for the like of me. I am balling my eyes out just writing this and I can only hope for some good advice and no harmful or careless words to my feelings. I am devestated but am trying so hard to pick myself up.

Why can't I shake this feeling that it's not over?
What are the chances of all the people I know in my life, that I would just randomly bump into him? It's crazy and it is just playing with my mind.
I am head over heels in love with this guy and I so badly wish I wasn't. I think I am a pretty amazing person who even proved in my last relationship that I'm pretty loyal and faithful, even in a relationship that offers me no sexual comfort. I am a great person with alot to offer. Why does this leave me feeling so fucking worthless and meaningless?

Please help me. ]]> FMH http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403289-I-don-t-know-what-to-do http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403261-Dont-know-if-i-should-talk-to-him?goto=newpost Sun, 19 May 2013 03:37:18 GMT Ive made a similar thread to this before but im hoping I can get some more opinions and some more advice. There is a guy that I went to school... Ive made a similar thread to this before but im hoping I can get some more opinions and some more advice.

There is a guy that I went to school with who I am attracted to and might like to get to know more but I don't know. I didn't know him in school and then I ran into him again a while ago at his job and I recognized him and asked him if we went to the same school and blah blah then after a few more times of seeing him I added him on facebook, and then never did anything else but I still think about it every now and then and I still see him sometimes. But I think a lot of the reason I am interested is because im attracted to him, I know he is gay, and I know we probably live close to each other since we went to the same school, and I don't really know of many gay people around where I live or where to meet some so I just think that it may be a good opportunity. But there are some things im not sure about as well. I just don't know how much we have in common and if he would even like me, first of all im not out, so I don't know how that would work out if he is, and based off his facebook there is a good chance that he is. And I really don't know if im not out because i'm not ready, or if I am ready but i'm just scared. I don't really know. But anyway, just from checking out his facebook page this is what I kind of know about him....

He might be kind of a band geek...at least I think he was in high school, idk now. He seems like he is probably smart, athletic, into Japanese anime, and all of those things I am not...idk if the band geek thing would bother me because I am really into music, but im into mainstream music. Also, physically he is skinny and muscular, I wouldn't say he is like...SKINNY but hes fit..but I also wouldn't say hes like a jock or anything. And I am not. In terms of muscle, im not tiny, but i'm over weight. I have been for most of my life, but I have made progress and I lost a lot of weight and im continuing to try to workout and diet..so I just don't know if he would find me attractive. and he is friends with a bunch of random guys on facebook who are super ripped and muscular so I fear that maybe he is looking for that. also, I don't know if I like how he dresses. I don't really remember how is was ever dressed in school but just seeing him at work, I didn't care for what he had on most of the time. and it doesn't seem like they have a very strict dress code or anything. I myself and someone who is more stylish and wears clothes that are more popular. he seems like he just wears kind of plain and simple things. but like I said all I can base it off is when ive seen him at work.

but even despite this, im still attracted to him, and he seems like he is probably a good guy and that's important to me.

but idk what to do idk if I should try to talk to him or not. ive never done anything like that so Idk what to say or anything if I do. ]]> JaydenLuke http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403261-Dont-know-if-i-should-talk-to-him http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403234-Successful-relationships-from-the-club-bar-scene?goto=newpost Sat, 18 May 2013 20:48:27 GMT Hey everyone! I was wondering if a bar/club scene is a decent place to meet guys for a relationship. Ive been trying online dating for a while now... Hey everyone! I was wondering if a bar/club scene is a decent place to meet guys for a relationship. Ive been trying online dating for a while now with absolutely no luck. And by that i mean ive been on a couple sites for 2 years and gotten 1 date. its not that i don't try i start talking to someone and after a few messeged they just stop talking to me no reason given they just stop. So i figure id give the bar/club scene a shot i just wanted input from you guys. ]]> queenororo http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403234-Successful-relationships-from-the-club-bar-scene http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403170-How-to-NOT-fall-in-love-with-someone?goto=newpost Fri, 17 May 2013 16:31:00 GMT I've been seeing this guy for a month. He's the most interesting guy I've ever dated, with great personality and intelligence. The downside is that he's leaving in several months back to his country.

We agreed on just dating but not to fall in love. However, we treat each other as a true couple, such as him introducing me to his friends, or us doing a lot of things together. At first I was a bit surprised because I was not expecting that much of commitment from his side, but he turned out to be a guy who does not fool around with relationship or feeling.

My problem now is that I know very well that I'm falling for him despite telling myself to keep a clear head. It's really difficult not to fall for him when we are dating like a couple. He even says really sweet words such as "leaving [my city] is so difficult now as I have someone to care for here". On one hand, it's so hard for me to not let my emotions overtake my reason. On the other hand, there are so many reasons not to fall for him, and I don't want to freak him out.

Has anyone been in such a situation? Should I just follow my emotions and I may just freak him out one day by blurting "I love you" or should I steer away from those feelings? :-( ]]> cluelessdate http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403170-How-to-NOT-fall-in-love-with-someone http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403123-To-add-him-to-Gmail-or-not?goto=newpost Thu, 16 May 2013 21:45:52 GMT Okay, bear with me.

When I was 13 or 14, I experimented a lot with this one friend who lived a block from my house. We took each other's virginities and we basically had sex every day after school from 7th to 8th grade.

We never talked about whether or not we were gay/bi/or straight, but it should have been pretty apparent to him that I was attracted to boys (I'm bi), especially him. We never talked about our feelings to each other and he often talked about girls he was attracted to. However, even though he never admitted it, I think he was also bi and had some attraction and feelings for me.

After 8th grade, my family moved away and I transferred schools so I haven't seen him since.

When college came around, I looked him up on Facebook and he had an account, but we didn't add each other and I think he has since closed his Facebook account down and I can't find him anymore.

Being that I lost my virginity to him and he was my first sexual experience, I've always wanted to reconnect with him.

Well, about a year ago, I found out that he is currently pursuing a PhD at my college where I went to undergrad and where I am currently a graduate student by doing a Google search on his name. I haven't run into him yet, but I found a college webpage giving a profile about his work at my university. It also included his Gmail.

Now, what I have been tempted to do for a year is to add him to my Gmail, but I just can't get around to doing it. Thoughts that often run through my head are: What if he thinks I'm a stalker (which I guess I am. haha)? What if he has a girlfriend now?

Have any of you been in a similar circumstance? I know that some of your suggestions will just be for me to take the risk and contact him, but I don't want to come off as a creepy stalker (even though I am). I also don't want to intrude on his life if he has a girlfriend now.

Also, I'm sure there have been times he has searched for me on Facebook or Google. Why hasn't he reached out to me? Is he also feeling shy about talking to me? Or is he just not interested anymore?

I don't know what to do... ]]> cylee89 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403123-To-add-him-to-Gmail-or-not http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403080-In-need-of-an-ear?goto=newpost Thu, 16 May 2013 07:01:34 GMT hi.. I'm going through a terrible breakup. 5 1/2 years. Is anybody here online willing to talk? ]]> pilate http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403080-In-need-of-an-ear http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403072-Asking-out-someone-you-don-t-really-know?goto=newpost Thu, 16 May 2013 02:14:08 GMT So last weekend I put up a bunch of movies I had for sale on Craigslist. This guy wrote me and he was interested in buying a few so he came over to... So last weekend I put up a bunch of movies I had for sale on Craigslist. This guy wrote me and he was interested in buying a few so he came over to my apartment tonight. I waited for him outside and when he got out of the car, I gasped in my head because he was really cute. Anyway, we spent about 30 mins chatting about movies and other stuff and I thought he was really interesting. He seemed pretty engaged in our conversation.

He ended up leaving and told me to write him if I had more movies for sale. I don't really have any clue if he's gay or if he was interested in me but for some reason, I feel compelled to ask him out via text or email just to say I'd like to talk again over coffee or something. Normally, I would never do this since it is pretty crazy and I don't know the guy at all but I have a weird feeling that I should do it. Should I? ]]> mcbg22 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403072-Asking-out-someone-you-don-t-really-know http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403062-In-love-with-a-friend-who-you-were-previously-seeing?goto=newpost Thu, 16 May 2013 00:31:16 GMT So long story short I am still in love with a guy I was seeing who wants to remain "just friends".

I made a post about this situation before:So a few months[October,2012] ago I met a guy on adam4adam of all places and we started dating. It's been almost three months that we've been seeing each other. Keep in mind this is the first guy I've been on a more than one date with in 4 years time. So he's here in NYC where we both live after completing medical school in Syria in order to obtain residency. Which basically means he's trying to get hired by a hospital, not only to move on with his career but to also stay in this country. His visa expires in February and he's now applied for an extension until July because he really hasn't been getting that many interviews(even though there were some which he hasn't heard back from). Btw, we're both about the same age, i'm 24 1/2 and he just turned 25. I'm a an Eastern European Jewish guy who moved here when I was 3, and he's an Arab Muslim. While we don't have a ton in common, we still enjoy each other's presence. The one thing I don't like about him is that he doesn't drink because of religious reasons and refuses to even go out to dance because he's a little uncomfortable being in places where people drink, so our dates have largely consisted of going out to dinner, walks and going out for coffee, followed by fooling around in my backseat.
After date #2 he asks me whether I'm still sleeping with anyone else and tells me that he could never be with anyone sexually that he didn't get to know first and that he couldn't only be with one person. Of course I responded with "no, not sleeping with anyone". After date #3 I started to question if I want to continue seeing him because I realized that we honestly didn't have much to talk about, even though I know a lot about his culture. Furthermore I started to wonder whether or not I was really all that physically attracted to him. Regardless I kept seeing him and things got better. Around date #6 I asked him what he thought about us and he said that he didn't want to label our relationship as a relationship in the event that he moves so that my feelings aren't hurt. However he did say that he enjoyed being with me and saw us as friends with benefits who also have feelings for each other(if such a thing exists, who knows lol).
So keep in mind, since date #2 I haven't slept with anyone but did increasingly become attracted to other people as I began losing interested around date #4. But since then I did sleep with 2 guys without telling him. The problem is that this has racked me with quite a bit of guilt, especially since I genuinely feel emotionally attracted to him and would like to be in a relationship with him if he ends up being hired at a hospital here in NYC. However I am not entirely sexually satisfied. While I'm not really all that into anal, he's a total top and I'm completely vers and he won't even give me head unless I ask him too, and it's nothing special. And honestly that's the one thing that I love most sexually, which is probably the reason I wanna sleep with other people. To make things worse: I really haven't enjoyed it other people, especially if they try to kiss me. I feel like that intimacy is something I can only reserve for him but at the same time, I feel like I can't stop myself when the opportunity to have sex with other guys arises, partly because he's relegated what I thought was something that was going to be a relationship into a "romantic friendship" of sorts.

So fast forward to late February of this year. He wasn't didn't get hired as a resident and was applying for a visa extension for the next few months. We were barely seeing each other because he had an equivalency exam to take for his career(we only saw each other twice in the two months since I made my original post in December) . I began to think about all the ways in which I wasn't happy with our situation. We never did anything besides what we did on our usual dates and I began to realize that the reason I was putting up with this boredom was because of the sex and intimacy at the end of the night. I also began to feel like I was being taken advantage of: I did most of the planning, I payed for transportation(never charged him for gas), I always covered tip, I always research transportation routes to and from his interviews accross the country.

So in early February I evaluated our "romantic friendship" I gave him the ultimatum that we can either be fuckbuds(meaning a guy a call up when I'm horny) or just friends who actually do fun things like actual night life. I told him that this grey area between boring friendship and love affair was no longer working for me. And a few hours later I decided that I would have to cut him out of my life altogether because I fell for him and it would kill me for this to end if he had to move: so that's what I did. However he felt that we should remain just friends(even though as he said: he was honest with me about the fact that he may move for work). Two weeks later in late February/early March I took him up on his "just friends" offer and we hung out twice(at this point I found out that his visa was extended until July) and I soon realized how much "just friends" with him was difficult without the sex involved. It was still really boring: we hung out at cafe's, watched movies, went out for dessert(the usual stuff we had already done before). We were supposed to hang out in mid March but he canceled on me and disappeared until late April.

By late April I had decided that he was boring me all around and I proceeded to delete him from my phone. Anyhow he ended up calling me asking me to do him a favor. He told me that he decided to apply as a political refugee as well as a gay refugee in order to obtain asylum in the US. He wanted me to write a notarized affidavit about our relationship in order to back up his claim that he is indeed gay. So did it soley because of generally altruistic nature. He had recently changed his a4a pics and I thought "wow he's still so hot." So I told him "to be honest I wouldn't mind sleeping with you again." He was hesitant at first but he agreed and the next day we had sex. During the experience I felt entirely emotionally disconnected: it was all about animalist heat(I bottomed for him for the first time that day). Afterwards I felt okay but during the three weeks that followed I began to have romantic feelings for him. I was under the impression that deep down he still felt something for me as well: he kissed me like it was the first time we laid our lips on each other. It didn't feel like just a hookup.

Fast forward to the end of our last hangout yesterday. I ask him about his general thoughts on the sex that we had to which he responded: "to be honest I'd like to remain friends without the sex, is that okay?" To which I respond: "yes that's okay I guess." To which he responds by grabbing and holding my hand for the rest of the drive to his place and says "but we can still be like this." At this point in time I'm practically ready to cry. He says "but it's not okay, right?" and I'm like "no it's not, because it's more than just sex." Finally we get to his place, we hug each other goodbye and call it a night.

My head says that in order to get over him and accept this situation: I need to stop physically seeing him altogether or otherwise. But deep down I pray that he gets his asylum granted and finds residency at a hospital here in NYC and that then he will be ready to be with me(since where he'll be employed won't be a concern).

What do you guys think I should do? ]]> DmitriyEM http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403062-In-love-with-a-friend-who-you-were-previously-seeing http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403055-The-trials-of-a-Long-term-relation?goto=newpost Wed, 15 May 2013 22:56:46 GMT So my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost a year and a half. He's starting again to go through this stage where hes questioning himself whether or not he wants a relationship. He said that he's putting into this relationship more then I have and that he was talking about going on break to speak to other people, have a 3 some, etc. I REALLY want this relationship to continue because in all honesty, I really think he's the one. He just makes me happy in ways no other human being has made me happy before. He says that I take him for granted but I don't I really don't. I could see myself living with him for the rest of my life if things continue. He really is "it". Any advice ]]> NYClover54 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/403055-The-trials-of-a-Long-term-relation http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402997-Gay-when-sober-straight-while-high?goto=newpost Wed, 15 May 2013 03:32:27 GMT Alright so this probably sounds weird but here goes:


I'm a 19 year old guy that is still trying to figure out his sexuality but I guess i'd say that i'm pretty gay. I like girls still to some extent, but part of me thinks that is the idea of liking a girl more. I occasionally look at straight porn and I can climax to it but i'm definitely more into gay porn.

I've been with two different guys and i'm currently with one of the in a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. I enjoy gay sex but I definitely fantasies about it a lot more before I actually had sex. I thought it would be better. I'm also not really into the effort that it requires to have anal sex with someone. I'm grossed out about that, although that's not whey I thought gay sex would be better. I like watching cum on porn, but in real life i'm grossed out by it.


I've never done anything sexual with a girl. I feel like I should definitely experiment with that though.




Here's the question I guess:


I'm closeted with my sexuality but at the same time I feel like i'm giving a lot of people clues and I'm worried that I will later regret this because i'll end up being straight or something, or at least in a relationship with a girl.


Whenever I smoke I feel "straight". Like i'd want to have sex with a girl, i'd want to be with a girl, and it would just seem more fun. Like the whole thing fits together and seems more enjoyable that a life with a guy or even sex with a guy. While high, I still am attracted to guys, but i would choose a girl over a guy when high, it seems. This isn't the case when I'm sober though, although when I am sober I still am occasionally turned on by girls.


When I invision relationships in the future, I am turned off by thinking of a straight relationship because I feel like they're harder to maintain or something, because guys and girls are so different. Like I don't want to argue with another female, and it just seems so much more stressful than two guys, who it seems like would understand each other more being the same gender. When I envision that it just seems easier. But I don't want anyone thinking that I see dysfunctional straight relationships and that has turned me gay, because I don't think that's true.





Can anyone label me or something? I know it doesn't matter to some people, but I HATE not knowing what I am. What does this sound like? Opinions? ]]> toteslote http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402997-Gay-when-sober-straight-while-high http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402996-Think-my-quot-Straight-quot-Best-Friend-may-be-in-love-with-me?goto=newpost Wed, 15 May 2013 02:24:49 GMT I have been trying to figure out this situation for a really long time. So one of my close friends (let's call him Jon) has been steadily changing in his verbal and physical interactions with me over the past 1.5 years of our friendship. We are both college students. I am 21 and he is 20. Just to be clear, I am a gay man and he claims to be a straight one. However, things have happened that seem to throw his self-ascribed label into doubt. It began February 2012. We were leaving a movie and I commented on the impressive abs of one of the characters. He responded "His abs aren't that great. Mine are better. I've been working on my core a lot lately." I was confused, but shrugged it off as an awkward sentence. After that, things continued to move in an odd direction. When we would hang out in groups, he started attaching himself to me and would hang on to me, hug me, or touch me quite often. Again, I didn't think much of it. I figured it was just drunk hugginess or whatever. Anyway, things continued to escalate, especially last semester. He would be "too drunk" and pass out in my bed. He never tried anything, but this happened four times last semester alone. He would then lie about it to others, claiming I asked or invited him to sleep in there with me. He also regularly positioned himself next to me in group settings when we would watch movies or television and I began to notice him pressing his knee against mine or sidling up to me and placing his head on my shoulder.

I have been down the "reading signs that aren't there" road with straight guys before, so I tried not to take it to heart. Then, other, very trustworthy friends began to come to me and ask if something was going on between the two of us. I said no and they responded that they had noticed him attaching himself to me and being overly physical. I was glad to find that this was not just something I was imagining. Then things got weirder.

My 21st birthday was a couple of weeks ago, and I did not ask for any presents. Despite this, "Jon" got me a present. But it wasn't a card, or a bottle of vodka. It was a shirt. From J. Crew. Last time I checked, people our age did not give each other clothes. To me, a shirt that nice means "I think you would look really good wearing this." I was dumbfounded. I just couldn't understand why he gave me this. I thanked him for it but informed him that it was not really something I felt like I would wear, and asked if we could go back to J Crew and pick something out together. He was fine with that as he had already told me he saved the gift receipt. So we went last Saturday and it turns out the closest J crew was a womens only. The saleswoman gave us an iPad and told us to browse the catalog and that she would order anything we found. So we picked out a shirt, Well actually, he kept picking out shirts and occasionally asking what I thought. I finally settled on something he showed me without paying too much attention. I just wanted to be out of there. Anyway, the woman informed him he would receive a $10 refund because this shirt was less than the one we returned. I looked at the iPad to see how much the one we decided on was. It was $65. HE SPENT $75 ON A SHIRT FOR A PLATONIC MALE FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY. At this point, I was flabbergasted. I had no idea what to do. I eventually confronted him about spending so much and he lied about the cost and claimed he set aside a "gift budget" each year because he likes giving people things. Bullshit. Last Christmas, he got me one 6th of an expensive concert ticket with some other close friends. Then he got me an additional, separate gift that could not have been less than $30. It's not everyone. It's me.

I just can't do it anymore. Is he in love with me? If so, what do I do? I can't put up with the lies. What do you think, JUB? ]]> irish220 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402996-Think-my-quot-Straight-quot-Best-Friend-may-be-in-love-with-me http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402982-Coming-out-letter-to-my-mom-Would-like-to-know-what-you-think?goto=newpost Tue, 14 May 2013 21:41:50 GMT So, I typed up this letter by which I'm going to come out to my mom with. Back home where she lives, and where I live (Far North Dallas) are about 80 miles apart, so I only get to see her maybe once every two months. But with my foot surgery pending, it served as a wake-up call that I need to get this done NOW, so that I can move my life forward. I would like your thoughts on what I wrote, please. I have this saved to a Microsoft Word doc, so I can easily go back and edit this if I need to.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi! I hope this letter finds you doing well.

There is something that I need to tell you, so that I may unburden myself before I go through with this foot surgery.

There comes a time point in all of our lives when we suddenly feel that our attention has been gotten, and that there are matters to be addressed before moving forward. For me, this is one of those times.

I thought it best to tell you this in letter form, so that I could say completely what I need to say to you.

You know that I moved to Dallas – it’ll be two years in July – seeking a better life for myself. Through a solid work ethic, and hanging in there, I have indeed found that better life. I have also spent the last two years healing from the old wounds of the moderate and distant past. It has been a long, and often grueling road, with often 19-22 hour workdays, consecutively. But I know I’m getting where I want and need to go.

While I have worked hard to get where I’m at – in college, and holding down two jobs, I think it’s time for me to work and push just as hard in a different direction of my life – me. For as long as I can remember, I have been governed by fear, and shame, and in an embarrassment of other people’s opinion of me, and a lack of self-worth, and self-respect as a result. I have also lived alone – not even close acquaintances outside of work. I have now come to the conclusion that my being alone in life is costing me too high a price for me to pay – my happiness. And frankly, it is also putting my future success at risk, also. It is fundamentally unhealthy to my continued life in this world.

I think that here, at age 30, it is time for me to seek a personal and, frankly, adult relationship of my very own, with the person of my choosing, whom I decide. While I know that we, as family, couldn’t do any better living in a small town with no financial way out throughout most of my 20s, now that I am in the city, with so much opportunity for advancement in every aspect of my life literally at my fingertips, I feel that I now have a responsibility, indeed a mandate to salvage what youth I have left, to take on an intimate partner of my choosing, and enjoy my life. I indeed fully intend to start searching for a gentleman of quality to be by my side through life. You and I never discussed this at length, as a parent and child should during my teenage years (in fact, you were quite silent on the matter), so I need to unburden myself by discussing this with you now.

Furthermore, I feel that I have allowed fear and an internal shame inside myself toward myself govern and control my perception of everyone and everything. This must not continue. And it will not. I must and do accept myself as-is. Regardless of anyone else’s say on the matter. "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss. It is time for me to be who I am.

I choose to not just exist on this planet, but to truly live.
I choose progress, and not stagnation.
I choose happiness, and not anguish.
I choose pride, and not shame.
I choose to walk in power, and not in fear. Not anymore.
As the vow on the inside of my ring is inscribed, “I Choose To Fight”.

Please know that I am well. And safe. And happy. And I am going to have this surgery on my foot. And I’m going to be OK.

You are welcome to contact me at anytime. You have my cell phone number. I’d like to know your thoughts.

Hug the dog for me.
-Joe. ]]> jdcnow http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402982-Coming-out-letter-to-my-mom-Would-like-to-know-what-you-think http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402891-Romantic-gesture-or-too-keen?goto=newpost Mon, 13 May 2013 17:02:06 GMT Hey all :) (Just an FYI before I start...I am 26 and he is 31)

So I met up with my ex at the weekend...we haven't seen each other for about 4 years since we broke up (we broke up because I was young and pretty immature about our relationship before). When we saw each other it was awesome, we chatted as if we had never stopped seeing each other, hung out for the day and then I dropped him off at his house. He kissed me when we got in the car and I reciprocated...it was really nice actually :)

Anyway, so we spoke yesterday and just said we should take it slow, meet up in a couple of weeks or so (we are both busy this weekend) and just see what happens. I am all for that, I don't want to rush into it like I did before. However, he has an art exhibition on Friday and it is only 20 minutes out of the way of where I am heading for the weekend. I wondered if it would be a nice gesture to surprise him by turning up, only for an hour or so, just to see his work and show my support? I am just really worried about seeming too keen...

Thanks! :) ]]> carlos_hoodios http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402891-Romantic-gesture-or-too-keen http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402849-Premature-Ejaculation-gt-lt?goto=newpost Mon, 13 May 2013 03:37:45 GMT Hey everyone,

So finally came out last March and so far it has been great. I've been meeting a lot of guys my age and fooling around. Most are from Grindr, but some have been people who I've known for a while that just happened to be gay/bi once I told them. I'm really happy with my life right now and finally enjoying some semblance of a social life for the first time.

However, I am having a MAJOR issue with premature ejaculation. I know this is probably normal for someone who is just getting into sex after being a banished semi-virgin before (my sexual encounters were few and far between up till now), but I'm still having such a hard time learning to control it. I'm not even trying to get it over with quickly. As soon as a guy goes down on me it feels amazing for a few seconds, and then I have to stop him because I know I'm gonna blow my load soon. The only time where I'm able to last is when I'm having sex when drunk; then I can last a little longer but still not nearly as long as the other guy I'm with.

After I blow the first time I'm usually still really horny and into it, however. But my penis still goes soft for a while and can take some time to get up. I've been kinda delegating myself as bottom most of the time because I blow before we get to the actual sex part, and then I can't get it up enough to stick it in.

I guess my main question is, how long should I go like this before worrying about it/seeing a doctor? (BTW I'm 20 years old). And in the meantime are there any quick tricks I could try that could stop this? It's really bothering me.

Thanks! ]]> ThermoPyro766 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402849-Premature-Ejaculation-gt-lt http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402788-What-should-I-do-with-this-guy?goto=newpost Sun, 12 May 2013 09:56:57 GMT Hello guys, I’m new to this site and looking for some advice, hope you can help me! A couple of months ago I met this great guy through an online... Hello guys,
I’m new to this site and looking for some advice, hope you can help me!

A couple of months ago I met this great guy through an online dating site. We really hit it off and we’ve met several times since then. He made no secret of the fact that he’s a very sexual person and that he has a fuck buddy etc. I on the other hand have made it clear that I'm not looking for only sex. To emphasize that I just wanted to hang out with him a couple of times before getting physical. He also said that he was interested in more than just sex with me.

At first we kept in touch between our dates every few days by texting, but after a month or so the he kind of stopped sending messages. He doesn’t initiate conversations, but if I send him a message or suggest that we meet, he’ll reply and he’s never turned me down. When we meet he’s full of affection that seems genuine. But after the meeting there’s silence that lasts until I break it.

To add to the confusion, I recently happened to bump into his profile on another dating/chat site. On the site where we met it says that he’s single and on this site it says he has a partner. He’s been active on both sites recently so it’s unlikely that it’s just an old profile that's no longer in use. I’m slightly confused now. He has told me that a lot has happened to him during the past few months before we met, but he hasn’t elaborated what it is and it seems that the subject might be difficult for him.

Could that be the reason for his behaviour, could he have a difficult break-up going on or something? Or am I just fooling myself and he’s actually just a player who likes hanging out and having sex with me from time to time but is not interested in anything more? Do you think I should tell him that I bumped into that other profile? I’d appreciate your thoughts on this! ]]> quercus1 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402788-What-should-I-do-with-this-guy http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402776-nervous-and-worried?goto=newpost Sun, 12 May 2013 03:59:49 GMT i just recently started dating this guy, and everything goes great, until we get to sex. he gets really nervous and worried about everything.... i just recently started dating this guy, and everything goes great, until we get to sex. he gets really nervous and worried about everything. foreplay is good but he falls short when anything starts to happen. he says that when he does the things by himself he is fine, but when i am around it hurts and makes him uncomfortable. i have told him that he needs to relax more, but he tells me that he doesnt know how. how would one go about practicing to relax? ]]> honooryuu http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402776-nervous-and-worried http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402775-need-some-Dating-advice-please-guys!-)?goto=newpost Sun, 12 May 2013 02:41:01 GMT SO! I got out of the military 2 months ago and started dating this guy ive known for about 4 years, this have been ok, but a big issue has come up... SO! I got out of the military 2 months ago and started dating this guy ive known for about 4 years, this have been ok, but a big issue has come up and i could use some help.

He works a set schedule and I work retail so mine changes every week. He knows i dont get my schedule until thursday. He has sat sun mon tues off. he made plans with friends on sat and mon which is fine, i found out my only day I can see him is monday. I brought a drinking problem back from being in the military so i have chosen to quit drinking and not go to bars. When he is with his friends all he wants to do is go to the bar. So I asked if he could ask his friends to switch to Sunday instead of Monday, he tells me no because he would be too tired from going out saturday night. So now I feel like im not a priority in his life that he cant even try to see me. So I called him adn explained how I felt and he said he will not change plans with his friends like he did all the time when he had his last boyfriend. So i am pretty much left to the side and feel like im not all that important to him, he wasnt even willing to find a alternate thing to do monday night rather than go to bars. So im just trying to decide if continuing dating him is a good idea, should I keep trying? thanks boys! ]]> Luka http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402775-need-some-Dating-advice-please-guys!-) http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402684-Cold-feet-for-my-first-time?goto=newpost Fri, 10 May 2013 21:13:36 GMT 23 year old very curious straight(/maybe bi?) guy here, been thinking about having sex with a man for almost 10 years. I've given/received a few BJs and almost gone all the way a few times, but I inevitably get cold feet.

The last time I tried a few years ago, I went to a couples' house. We all started fooling around and I was really into it ... until I came, at which point I just shut down. Same thing happens after I masturbate to gay porn. It's not shame or anything like that, really, but I just am not into it at all anymore. Until an hour later when I'm thinking about cock again, haha.

Any advice would be much appreciated. ]]> touchdown9179 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/402684-Cold-feet-for-my-first-time