A State of Mind!
I realise that I haven’t updated this blog for quite a number of weeks, a failure that is completely related to my present state of mind. Since the beginning of the year I have lost every iota of enthusiasm to do anything; requiring enormous amounts of effort even to do the simplest of things.
If it is essential it gets done but then all I want to do is remain in bed and not get out of it to be obliged to face the world and recognise that my life was deteriorating slowly into non-existance. I am well aware that this is a symptom of depression but have refused to accept that as a diagnosis being well aware of what I should be doing with my life and how to regain the pleasure it used to provide.
Two months into giving up smoking; two minor surgeries for possible life endangering symptoms; then add two months of the most awful weather I have experienced here in the South of France. All these add up to acceptable reasons for retreating to my bed; I call it my “hibernation treatment”.
So here I am, not quite blossoming in the same way as the cherry trees but life is slowly putting on a smile once again.
My doctor, quite worried about my possible state of health and subsequently prescribing me a battery of new test, is finally convinced that my life is unliveable unless I am smoking. She advised me today that my nicotine addiction is much less a danger than the damage smoking is doing to my lungs, legs and arteries. So I am allowed electronic cigarettes with a high dose nicotine liquid, plus skin patches to ensure that I don’t fail in my attempt this time. When your doctor understands you and supports you as firmly as mine does it is a great factor in that desire to succeed.
Of course when she says she doubts I will live 2 more years if I carry on smoking that is a great influence as well.
So here I am encircled by health problems still having to push myself to cook, eat or even work yet really feeling as if spring has finally arrived