Being gay and my future
When I first accepted being gay, I did not give it a lot of thoughts. I just thought that being gay was only one aspect of life which will just fit into the slot.
Too bad those dog days were over.
Now that I see it clearer and clearer everyday, I can see that I have no future as a fully functioning gay man in my birthplace. I can pursue a career and life but not as a gay man as people will stigmatise and dogmatise my life. I will eventually be forced and relent to marrying someone and get stuck in a loveless family.
As much as I love my country, no matter the badness and corruption and homophobia, I need to get out: go to Europe or America for residency, work there, and become a natural citizen. The thought and scenario has been looping continuously in my mind like a stuck movie projector, as vivid as summer haze yet as turbid as a muddy bog and as uncertain as the lottery wheel. I just know that it lies somewhere between a realisable goal and a distant dream, considering my condition (health, family state, and financial state).
Of course there are many things I must take care of before I can attempt that. Not all of them are impossible to tackle though, so I guess the only thing preventing me from trying is myself.
In the end, life is a wheel of fortune, isn't it?