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refujiunderground

well, i'm sorting out help from mental services for a psychiatric evaulation

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the thing is i'm nervous about this whole thing because it's almost like i'm crawling up the same tree i fell from feeling disappointed.

last time i went to a shrink which was a psychologist in march, them and me talked about certain things. i was sharing certain things with them and they pretty much narrowed it down into whatever they thought was a major issue and what wasn't a major issue. i got a bit pissed off actually. i felt as if i was wasting my time. there were certain issues that he skipped over telling me that they weren't important or i could deal with it myself and there were other issues that to me i really didn't care about such as my "daddy issues". like what could they have possibly help me in regards to my father. dude was telling me to cry into tissues and to be more confident. it was as if whatever i was saying to him fell on deaf ears. simply because i wasn't seeing things or hallucinating and worst off, he said that i wanted attention. now, here's the thing with that. i consider that to be a smack in my face.

you know, it's like saying that i'm faking it. almost like he's telling me that i'm acting and lying about shit. it's like if i don't have any visible signs of something such as i haven't stabbed myself or something that i'm not feeling or experiencing anything at that minute or freaking out in front of him, he couldn't help me and i could help myself. just off of that alone, i really wasn't interested in working with him because he wasn't all that interested in helping me. after all, he said that there was nothing that he could do and that i could help myself so that's what i did. on the next visit, i cut him off.

so with this go round, i'm wondering if this is even worth it because i've been duped so many times before with this. it's like i'm explaining myself to them and they're not listening. i want to get a psychiatric evaulation instead. just test me, figure out what the hell is wrong with me instead of me having to explain what's going on. i said that i feel unenergetic, i feel energetic, i feel happy, i feel sad, i have worries where i feel like looking at the clock and all this other shit and basically being stressed out around my environment where i have to deal with listening to my parents where they basically aren't fucking listening to me or whatever. even now, my mom is ready to go argue with me over a fucking set of clothes. then when folks wonder why i act the way i do and all this shit, they fucking wonder why.
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