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refujiunderground

hello, this is mr. rj underground reporting live from inside my closet

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*zooms camera out so you can have a better shot of me*

good evening or good morning world... as you can see, i have a paperbag over my head because i want to conceal my identity. i would rather people not know who this is since i am currently in hiding.

*tries to move paperbag but is pushing against the clothes that are hanging in his closet, is arching his back uncomfortable on a garbage bag full of bags, receipts, and other shit, tries not to hit his guitar that is leaning against the wall he's right next to*

damn this shit is annoying. i hate this damn fucking closet. there's no space. you would think because i'm a midget that there would be room for me but damn, this place is small. fuck it..

but anyway, i wanted to give you a 1 minute tour of the closet that i'm currently living in.

*hears someone coming upstairs, keeps silent so nobody hears me, hears someone opening door to their bedroom and then slamming the door behind them, breathes a deep sigh of relief*

so here as you can see if you look above me, is my clothes rack. there's a ton of old ass clothes on this rack as well as some new ones. i'm not so much of a fan of fashion even though as of late, for the first time in 5 years or so, i actually brought new clothes. :gogirl: so hey....

if you look to right side of my closet, you can see what appears to be a set of plastic bags right next to my bookbag and what appears to be a huge knapsack. that's my dj equipment and record collection full of rap records. majority of them are old school records from the 90s as well as hard to find records and instrumentals that i brought offline. my brother told me the other day that i should be a dj and all being that he seen me scratching records about 8 years ago for fun but i can't scratch for shit. if you look to my right against the wall facing the closet door is my video games. the nintendo 64, playstation, sega genesis, 32x, and a shit load of video game nostaligia is right there. sometimes all the dust from the games makes me cough and sneese a lot. it's nasty as hell. also my amplifier to my electric guitar that i'm trying hard as hell not to touch is right there as well.

if you look up, you probably can't see it since the light on my cell phone is cheap. i need a new cell phone since this one is pretty much banged up real bad is both of my graduation caps from the two colleges i graduated from and my old baseball trophy i got when i used to play baseball as a kid. as well as some other shit, that i can't remember.

well with that said, i hate living in this closet. it's annoying, it's painful and i have to keep myself in uncomfortable positions trying to be comfortable. i've found myself itching to come out the closet so i can see some light. i haven't seen sunlight in years. i pretty much live in complete darkness. :( it gets me depressed a bit talking about it but i'm scared to though. very scared to. you know, when i first came here in the late 90s, i thought it was kind of fun so to speak. i was alone by myself and at first, i didn't mind then i started to get depressed. very depressed. i found myself lying to myself that this was a great experience and that i would eventually get used to it. instead, i found myself feeling worse. i became angry and sad. on the days where i actually was happy which were a dime and dozen, i felt a bit uneasy. i told myself "how long will i be able to keep myself in here before you get tired of this?" you can't live here forever. sometimes when my door cracks open or when i look through the keyhole on my door, i see the world outside. it has a bunch of people living happy lives, hot guys, hot sex, and a huge rainbow. then i also see homophobes, crimes against gay people and etc. it's like the negatives outweigh the positives. i'm not ready to step out of this closet yet. i need more time. don't care if i get old and grey in here. if it takes that long to come out, so be it.

fuck it. i tried to write something creative. i need a life.
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