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Baby, I can't believe that it has been two years since you died on Christmas day. I think about you every day and know that I will never get over your being absent from my life.

As you know, from wherever you are, this has been a very difficult year since the end of October. S. has been sick and almost 70 days in the hospital. The stress has been been overwhelming.

The last time this happened I had you to come home to. I could cuddle in your arms and drift off to sleep while you were holding me against your chest. You were always there waiting for me and I knew I could count on your patience, concern, and most of all, your warm embrace. I miss all of that, of course, because it was so important to us but I also miss it because I am so exhausted by the contrariness and anguish that this siege has put me through.

It is so ironic that yet another Christmas has come and gone and it is filled with so much heartache for me. I know Christmas will never be the same since you died that day but it doesn't seem like it will every be joyous for me in other ways as well.

As you know, I continue to put flowers on your grave each month. I want you to know that you are always in my thoughts and I will miss you eternally.

All my love.
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