by, December 6th, 2011 at 07:07 AM (611 Views)
I'm becoming convinced that life only gives you things, so that it can get a laugh when it takes them away.
The last couple of months were the highest point for me in a good few months. Finally got my shit together, surlifesaving in my spare time, got a job that I enjoy, finally got the courage to come out to myself and my friends, and then a relationship.
Then life noticed it was all going a little too well and slammed on the breaks.
First I got news from home that dad was really sick and mum is losing her job. made me feel bad, but it's ok, I'm in a good place, and can support them.
Now work is starting to load on. in the last 18 days I have had 2 days off, non consecutive. I just get so fatigued and as much as I love my job, with no time to decompress it just turns into droning. On top of that I have only had one weekend off in the last 2 months, so I've been unable to fulfill my patrol obligations for my surf club, so I'm at risk of losing my membership and my surflifesaving position. OK this sucks. alot.
Now the boyfriend, I'd never had one before and he really showed me what I was missing, emotionally, physically... But long distance sucks, and the only reason we were keeping on was because he was planning on moving to my city in the next couple of months. What's that life? Not a chance? Now he says it could be up to years before he can move here. we talked for ages and decided we couldn't do it anymore. It fucking hurts, but we can't. So we broke up.
So I went from floating on air to this. In a couple of weeks. my parents are in a dark place and it worries the fuck out of me. my job is grinding me into the ground. and now I don't have a boyfriend to talk about it with when the day is up.
All I can think about now is I have to let go. let go of all my stupid fucking emotions and turn to stone. then I can operate. cold. needless. fuck.