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neruda

My dorm room neighbor

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Damned egoist that I am I never wanted to admit that I did want him to knock on my door. Of course I had wanted conversation. Hours and hours of it.

And so- when he did knock,I was surprised that I felt my hands go a bit damp. And cold. In anticipation.

The rest of me tingled as I opened the door. Of course!

Hi,I think I had said. I forget the rest. But I remember I just kept staring.

Again fat- head that I am, I usually put on this brisk bussiness like tone. Its an impulse - just to appear to be this quick efficient persona. Impressive persona ...

Cheats me of longer conversation, I know. Told you I was a fat head.

And so as we stood in the corridor my room door ajar, I also knew I was breathing heavily - my goddamn circulation engine just hammering away.

His voice had always sounded like music - and I would strain to overhear behind my closed door - conversation that he might make in the corridor.

We --uhh -- need to set up volunteer times for community service he had announced - thanks for your mail. I --uhh --am so glad you responded.

And then he looked directly into my eyes. And held that gaze as long as he spoke.

I dont know why he did that.One puzzled part of me said maybe it's just one of those American things ....mannerisms .... and a hopeful part of me sprung out spiritedly and asserted -- Gawd he also wants you.

Also......

I shut the door after we had fixed a schedule. Thanks Youre a great guy, he had said similing.

I felt this huge rush of liking coming all over me for the guy.

I wanted to be with him again. For longer.

Much longer.

Set in that muscular frame somewhere - he had baby blue eyes.
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