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I am fascinated by the short bio’s guys use on Grindr. It’s a short blurb that says little and sometimes a lot. To me it is an indicator as to what sort of guy sits behind that profile pic. To be certain there is an inordinate amount of douche-baggery on that app. You almost want to drill skulls with the amount of swelled heads there. Anyhow...

“For 99% of ppl here, u will get a friendly hi or hello but that’s it. Not perfect here but y’all ppl scare me.”

Don’t worry honey. You scare me too.

“Visiting. Have a picture. So far it looks like I’ll be using the block button quite a bit. This the dmv of Texas.”

Oh dear. Well don’t you fret none darling. I’ll block you for you. K? Buh-bye douchey-mac-do.

“If u don’t case a shadow u aren’t standing in the light. Opportunities r never lost - Someone will take the 1s u don’t.”

Hmm... I like what you say.

“Let’s chat! Looking to meet new friends! Please have a pic. Oh and if u don’t like me then block me!”

Yeah! I sorta want to add that last line to my own profile.

“PLEASE only chubby guys 280 +”

Damn it. Missed him by 65 pounds.

“Get over urself, looks fade. If the sky’s the limit, tell me wth am I walking on the moon???”

You know when your nose is that far up the stratosphere you need oxygen. Maybe that’s why he feels like he’s on the moon.

“Any nice guys left out there?”

No.

“Well whoopty-frickin-do. Got a man.”

Then what the fuck are you doing here? Shove off ya bastard and let us single guys catch a break.

“Happily partnered looking for NSA fun. This grindr not chatster not friendstr. Get off.”

Yeah, block.

“Unsolicited body part pics = automatic blocking.”

I rather enjoy getting the unsolicited body parts myself. Its like a big surprise!

“Focused, career oriented individual. Ultimately looking for ltr, but until then dating and cuddling are def on the agenda ;)”

Ditto. Especially the cuddling.
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