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I need to stop this.

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by , February 28th, 2009 at 04:41 AM (324 Views)
Yeah, I need to stop posting blog at 2 AM in the morning, this is not good, even if it's a Friday. Actually it's bad that's it's Friday night, when I'm supposed to be out there hanging out or something... However, I set a rule for myself not to do anything on Friday nite besides being a lazy ass bum on my computer. #-o

There is a strange thing about me. I do not usually write blogs, but every time I did, it's long. Don't think this one will be that long though. /end rambling. ;)

Today, as a typical Friday, I had 7 classes, which is really tiring when I'm done with the day. I had a big test in one of the classes too, it's scary, but I think I did well on it. Yay for me. For the most part, classes are going fine. Just have to spend a little bit more time studying even though I will get thru fine without, but I want to actually learn the concept, because understanding the concepts is important, not passing the tests. :D

I should start to get fit physically. For the last few weeks, I have terrible diet (not nutritious, not frequent enough, or too much) b/c I'm stressing out for school most of the time. I think that's the reason. The thing is, I know, I will shatter whatever goal I plan out. But this time I will try harder.

Goal: go the the rec center 3 times per week, maybe 1 hrs each. And eat healthier.
Mental goal: go and see a counselor at the Counseling Center. I think he/she might be able to help me to relieve some of the stress/anxiety/depression that I might have. It's free, but I'm always hesitate to go there, b/c I don't want people to know too much about my personal life, but I want someone to talk to at the same time. lol

Right now, I think I'm still in the denial phase of my life. I sometimes wonder "Am I gay? Am I really gay? or just bisexual? or just curious?" I would say my upbringing has some impact on that. I'm not hating myself. It's just not 'convenient' (can't find a better word right now) to be gay in my situation when you want to be who you are, but you can't. ](*,) Girls in my culture are being like untouchable. In high school, I wouldn't even think about get their attention (not often anyways :rolleyes:); however, same goes with guys, b/c I didn't want to be in a relationship ('b/c my mom said so' ](*,)) Now in college, after more exposure to JUB and the gay world, I actually find myself frequently looking at other hot guys !oops! and rarely at other hot girls (my type, not the blonde cheerleader type). I want a relationship, but I also want to wait until I got a stable job and can support myself first. No wonder my mom/relatives always told me not to get my head in those relationship thingy now, b/c it's so complicated. But if I know it now, it will benefit the future, right? Oh well, I'm gay or not, the answer is in the future me...
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