Not being negative, but...
by, February 20th, 2009 at 04:17 AM (367 Views)
I'm not being negative, but I am going to spend the rest of my life alone... I just have to accept that. I've tried to fight it.
I've tried to meet people either through friends or just in the real world, no one is interested. The best that got me was a stupid boy who winds me up and makes me feel I'm not good enough.
I've tried online dating, the best that got me was a married closet case who used me to get himself off.
I've tried to change myself, but that doesn't work, I cant physically and mentally I'm me and thats all there is too it.
I thought this would be my year of love, I spent new years eve in the company of a boy who I really like, but who doesn't feel the same about me, someone who isn't above playing mind games to make me jealous of him.
It could be my year of love it has only just started after all, but I'm fed up with it all. We get told to belive there is someone out there for you, but what if there just isn't anyone out there who will ever quite love you for yourself. What if your "soulmate" doesn't exist. I cant believe that anyone is unlovable, but maybe I just have to accept that I am.
Of course this isn't a negative rant, just a bit of a eye opener for me. I dont care if I sound like a wingy brat, and you can tell me all you like that I need to "get out there" been there done that its not worked. There's only someone out there for you if you fit in with the modern Idea of sexy, or you're lucky enough to find someone who does think you're sexy. I'm not sexy and I'm not lucky!