I'm currently on spring break, and I was scheduled to fly out of LA thursday morning. I drove to the airport and this trip was making me extremely nervous for some reason! I was not scared of flying, i've flown a million times, but for some unknown reason I couldn't bring my self to board that flight.
What I think it is, is a stupid little psychological thing that I've developed. At the end of my senior year I was scared that it was quite possible I could stay in my hometown, or anywhere near it. I came to the conclusion that the greater the distance, and the longer the time period you are away from your hometown, is directly proportional to how successful you are. However, I know that's not true, but I expect way too much from myself.
I got to the desk and the lady asked for my information, and I asked if it was possible for me to get a refund on my ticket and she said of course. I refunded my ticket and left back to my car. I had some regret doing it, but was thinking.. okay what do I do now? I then got a call from my mom asking me about my flight times. I told her I wasn't going after all. She seemed sad, and she told me my dad was excited for me to come and had taken time off of work. A guilt trip set in , but she made it seem like it wasn't too big of a deal. She just said, oh well, we are going up there soon anyways.
So I was driving back home and decided to put some gas. As I got back on the interstate I thought to myself, "I have a full tank of gas, and nothing to do. I really need to get over my weird ideas" So I was I was about to approach the west I-10 ramp back home, and at the last second I swerved over to the East lane and said, "Fuck it, I'm driving to Texas" I phoned my mother and told her I was driving instead. She was happy about that, and I was finally excited to go.
I think I needed the long drive. I absolutely love driving. I mean flying is really convenient and safe, but I find driving really long road trips so much fun! I drove the whole way, only stopping for gas. I made very good timing too! It's a straight shot basically. I-10 the whole time doing 80 to 90 MPH. sometimes more. hehe. I have a sports car, I gotta use it for what it's made for!
At any rate, last night I finally got to see my ex boyfriend and spent some time with him. I know I always tell myself that I need to get over him, but I can't. He's an amazing guy, but we live way too far apart! The only reason I've ever avoided him was to try and get used to being away from him, but I felt terrible for doing it.
I have no hope of getting over him anytime soon! Last night when I saw him, we gave each other a big long hug and at that moment I felt so relaxed and his smell just brought back so many memories. I was able to finally breathe, relax, and slow down and just quit thinking so much for once. It was a really soothing experience being with him!
We both are into fitness and he plays football for his university and well, I don't play any sports at my school, but I do have a personal trainer. He's gained a lot of muscle from working out so much, but he's still faster than me! Ugh, pisses me off! haha, one day I'll catch up to him!! Anyways, I had trouble keeping my eyes off of him! He's so gorgeous but with all the muscle he's gained, it was hard to contain myself. :D He enjoyed the attention though.. we had a long session of body worship needless to say.
But it was great spending time with him, and just having fun stupid conversations, wrestling (I can still kick his ass though! :) ) and cuddling as if I never left. Now we must resort back to just talking on the phone again for a long time, because I have no idea when I'll see him again.
Other than that, things are going well, but I need to get back to my other love... Los Angeles!