by, July 16th, 2007 at 06:55 PM (967 Views)
there have been times in my life when I wanted to run away. run away from the situation, run away from a particular person, run away from the life that I had created.
there were times when everything seemed to have conspired against me. or that through my ineptitude I created a shambles of all that was good and right in my life. I had to get away, to start anew, to begin again. it never worked. if third grade was bad, fourth was no better and fifth was hell.
it seems to me that running away is impossible. I always managed to carry with me what I wanted to escape from. maybe it was part of me, my attitude, my likes and/or my dislikes. there seemed to be no escape. I am sure part of it was denying myself and trying to live in a closet.
finally, it dawned on me that I could run towards something. that if I really understood what I wanted, I could find it, could work towards being it. I learned this because of places like the jub; interaction on the internet with other gays.
it is funny, when running away, I was going fast, but not getting any further away. running towards something, I'm not moving as fast as I would like, but I'm making progress. it is the goal, but also the journey. for me, the end never justifies the means, so my goals must be earned and my journey must be fun and enjoyable.
lately here, there seems to be too much running away. or, those that are running towards a specific goal, seem to be so fixated on their goal, the means and the journey have no worth or value and they leave destruction in their wake.
I am very thankful for the jub. it is not a place I'd run from, I hope it remains a place I'd run to.