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On the way down

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So its nearly four weeks since i came back to SA to see Sean - my ex. Its been a rollercoaster so far and the ride isn't over yet. early last week i got worried that Sean was coughing up blood and wasn't breathing well at all - so i got his physician to work him up for pneumonia and - i was right - so it was more antibiotics and oxygen and nebulizations. But none of these seem to have doen much good - slowly but surely he become so short of breath he can't speak for more than a coiple of seconds without being exhausted. I on the other hand have had to find a part time job here to "tie me over " till i get back to canada (its not that money makes the world go round but ask anyone who is short of cash and they'll tell u their world has stopped)

My Day :-
1.)Go to work in the morning
2.)Drive to hospital at 12h30
3.)Check what's new medically speaking till 13h30
4.)Sit with Sean - chat to him , read to him , lisyen to music, hold his hand - try not to cry
5.) Leave about tenish for home - eat something and get ready for the next day

Twice a week i go to Yoga to destress as much as possible under the watchfulk eye of my instructor - she's really sweet. My folks are concerned i'm getting "too involved" with Sean as he was only a "very good friend" - yes i'm presumed heterosexual - and sean is straight too - of cause. So it bites my folks not knowing but coming out now would kill me (and probably them too)- i'm not kidding.

But as much as i REALLY want to leave - i can't - i still love the boy and although we aren't "together" anymore i need to see this through to the end else i don't think i'll be able to forgive myself or move on. So i'm here till then - so sorry to all the canadian boys - looks like i'll be missing the JUB meet - but i promise to be at the next one - i'll be the disfunctional south african

till then
cheers boys
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