I've been pretty unhappy for a few months now. I feel like I spend so much time listening to other people's problems and helping them find their way through them. True, on the crisis line, that's all I do, but it's among the people I care about or the ones I interact with that I also feel that I've been dedicating a lot of energy toward. And yet, at the same time I feel like none of them care about any of the things I'm going through. No one ever asks how I'm doing or seems to remember any
Either I dropped the ball, or they weren't playing to begin with.
But I think I've done something big and possibly terrible between me and my parents. Maybe what was said by them was only in the heat of the moment, but they're pretty severe. I always thought that hearing those things would make me cry like a baby, but maybe I've grown up enough to accept things as they are.
I'm fine, but will they be? I'm giving them space. They can call me, since apparently I'm never supposed
Much to my own shame, I have not been a very safe boy lately. I'm just sleeping with one man, who says he isn't seeing anyone else and that he was tested in December '06, but I still should be practicing safe sex. I told him that next time would have to be protected and hewas understanding and obliged, but I still think I was being a fool. *sigh
Why am I not practicing what I vehemently preach?
I've been feeling differently lately. I think it's just because I'm in my non-depressed mood right now, but it's about gay relationships and my potential witht hem. It doesn't seem so impossible, and ewhen I think about it, I feel mirthful. Usually, thinking about gay relationships fills me with joy and inspires me, but I still feel sad about it somehow, like it's beyond my reach.
But right now, I still feel it, but it's overwhelmed by significant optimism. Like, I can do it. It's
Maybe it's the winter, or mayb it's the night, or maybe it's some third thing. I just feel sad and lonely again.