One of the things that people always tell to me is that I need to love myself first.
I just can't see any logic in that, why would I love me? Why?? There is no actual reason to do that. I fully understand anyone who don't.
There is nothing in me to love...
When, I was younger, I was mad at people who din't like me... now I see that I din't deserve half of attention they would give me...
I... not someone who can love... it
Sometimes... I wish to lose to madness, go crazy somehow, blissfully ignorant of my own problems, locked inside myself in a shine world or broken will many personalities of "me".
My life has no meaning.
people from my class is organizing a party to get some money, I took ten ticket.
my mother sold 2. It was going to be 7, but some people give up.
me... I din't sell anything, of course.
I just don't have friends who would go to a party with me. More simple.
I don't have friends...
...anything can break my already bronken heart.
maybe I just don't deserve happiness.
And that is all because of 10 tickets.
I can't stand life, yet I am to afraid of death.
I will be unhappy. life will be painfull.
and that is it.
I just so ashamed of my life, is no like a bad or wrong life it is just ridicolous...