I have passed 5,000 posts, and as I suspected, it means very little.
I am taking a series of steroid injections in the damaged area of my spine. So far it is not helping. Last Saturday night I was in Hospital taking morphine injections for severe pain and sciatica. I am going to have to get a walking cane. With my angina I have to be certain to keep my nitro pills with me. I have had to use them a few times! I am sick of Doctors and Hospitals, even though they have helped me. Sometimes I feel it would be good to lay down and never wake up. I have family that I am
Chronic pain can be a very difficult thing to deal with, especially when it does not seem to let up. Almost all of the discs of my lower back and ruptered, torn, or bulging. Arthritis is a major issue in my entire back as well as painful sciatica causing severe and debilitating pain down the left leg. The discs in my upper neck are ruptured causing numbness with trembling and very poor coordination in my left arm and hand.
I can stand for no more than 30 minutes without my leg giving
I have been invited to go to a wedding next Saturday. I would rather have my rectum pulled out through my mouth. Why? It's a hard right evangelical wedding. I promised my Sister I would go and she promised to keep me out of fights. This is the third wedding for my "in the closet", homophobic, family member.
I hate to be cliche', but keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am going for the sake of a terminally ill family member, whom I may never see again.
Sorry for the gloomy blog entries, but it is a form of therapy for me. In spite of a change in medication, I can't get over the desire to do something bad to myself. Responsibilities that I have to family, is keeping me from tipping over the edge.
Does anyone remember when I died? What condition was my body in? Did anyone bother to find me or even care? Was I buried or allowed to rot where I lay?