JustUsBoys.com Forum - Hot topics and gay porn - Blogs - Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/blogs/94605-Swellegant JustUsBoys Forum en Sat, 25 May 2013 12:49:39 GMT vBulletin 30 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/images/misc/rss.jpg JustUsBoys.com Forum - Hot topics and gay porn - Blogs - Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/blogs/94605-Swellegant PLEASE - Read my Novel! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7559-PLEASE-Read-my-Novel! Fri, 03 Dec 2010 00:03:41 GMT Hello, JUB Friends! I recently completed the 2010 NaNoWriMo competition, writing a complete novel of (well over) fifty thousand words in thirty... Hello, JUB Friends!

I recently completed the 2010 NaNoWriMo competition, writing a complete novel of (well over) fifty thousand words in thirty days. I am extremely pleased with the result of my efforts, and would really appreciate some feedback from others to see where I can improve it -- if it's even worth improving, or is just a smear of crud that only its author could love.

So if you have a few hours of idle reading time at your disposal, and would like to peruse a sexy gay murder-mystery, then go have a gander at:



Thank you! :wave: ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7559-PLEASE-Read-my-Novel! How to Make a Marlénè Manners http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6418-How-to-Make-a-Marlénè-Manners Mon, 19 Jan 2009 08:32:13 GMT (Note: I already posted these in the "Post Current Pictures of You" thread, but I wanted to put them in my blog as well so the series doesn't get lost in the shuffle; and while I'm at it, I can expand the text).

I did a show tonight (Royal Grand Ducal Council's Annual Winter Extravaganza, at the Bench & Bar in Oakland), and had the brilliant idea of photographing my progress as I got into face. The series came out fairly well, so I thought I'd share it with you!
..|

Step One: start with a clean, well-moisturized, close-shaved face. I recommend MAC shaving cream for the best shave... that stuff can't be beat. I also used Preparation H on my face earlier in the day, it tightens everything up nicely.



Step Two: I like to lay down a good matte foundation, a blank canvas as it were; I used Max Factor Pan-Stik (Fair/Pale) and l'Oreal mineral loose powder (Translucent), though since Max Factor has stopped making the Fair color, I think I might have to go back to Dermablend (which costs a LOT more but comes in a zillion colors).



Step Three: I tried something new with my eyeshadow, going for a smokey look that I hoped would distract from my wrinkles; I don't know what brands I was using, but they're loose powders and very good quality; I put the darkest brown in the crease of my lids, with a lighter rosy brown on the lids and under the eye, and a shimmering taupe under the brow.



Step Four: I like a blackest black liquid pen eyeliner for the upper line, I'm using Almay because I'm wearing contacts but ordinarily I don't care about the brand; the lower line and the eyebrow is brown/black pencil (the cheap kind...eye and lip pencils are not worth spending money on); I used Maybelline (I think) for the mascara, it's one of those two-coat types that really thicken the lash. I always put a little dot of liquid eyeliner on the apple of my right cheek, a little trademark I've been doing for years... the first time was to camouflage a zit, but it really balances my face so I adopted it permanently.



Step Five: contouring is one of the most important steps in feminizing a face; I use a brownish-rose blusher for this, outlining my face, outlining the bridge of the nose, diminishing my jawbone and browbone, and adding a false shadow under the lip. The lipliner is a pencil, also the cheapest brand from the drugstore, I swear the expensive pencils fall apart immediately, I've never got more than one use out of them.



Step Six: the frame of the hair makes such a difference to the face, I like to put my wig on before I finish my makeup to see if I need to make any alterations or additions before I finish up.



Step Seven: a fresh coat of pressed powder and a coat of lipstick finish the face; the clothes (black ballet tights, black boots, strapless longline bra, beaded corset, brown silk suit with fox collar and cuffs) and jewelry are my favorite part of drag, what I got involved in it for in the first place. I can't quite explain the oddly dissipated expression I'm wearing in this picture, it makes me look drunk. I got a lot of compliments on that pendant, it's actually a snowflake Christmas ornament that I got at Pottery Barn!



The finished product. I felt so pretty in this outfit, and it was really quite comfortable. The boots got on my nerves after a while, as did the underwires in the bra, but it was very slimming without being terribly constrictive.
]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6418-How-to-Make-a-Marlénè-Manners Dr. McDaddy! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6257-Dr-McDaddy! Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:04:26 GMT My employer-paid medical benefits kicked in this month, so I made an appointment with the same GP I had when I was a Kaiser member before, just for a... My employer-paid medical benefits kicked in this month, so I made an appointment with the same GP I had when I was a Kaiser member before, just for a general checkup. Kaiser Permanente has made a few improvements to the way they make appointments, by the way, and I got an appointment two days later (last time I had to wait five weeks). Well, anyway, I got to the appointment on time, with a list of questions to ask (fatigue, gas, and arthritis), mentally prepared for all sorts of indignities like partial nudity and/or a prostate exam (which one would think I'd enjoy, but noooooooo).

So there I am sitting on the paper-lined bench, reading an ancient copy of Runner's World (the only magazines in the office), and in comes the doctor... and my jaw hit the floor!

Now, I chose my doctor partly for his looks in the first place (I'm shallow like that), and I've met with him before, so I knew he was good-looking and had a sexy foreign accent; but he had heretofore always worn a white lab-coat and a tie and generally looked like a doctor. But this time he was wearing tight navy blue slacks and a charcoal-and-navy ringer-tee on his SERIOUSLY ROCKIN' BODY.

I don't know what he's been doing with himself during the twenty months since I last saw him, but he was effing hot. The man is in his mid-fifties, maybe even early-sixties, but the chiseled pecs, tiny waist, and bounce-a-quarter-off-it butt (not to mention the shiny gold hair, glowing bronzed skin, and glittering clear blue eyes) were what one might expect on a twenty-year-old. I was so dazzled and stunned that I quite forgot to ask about the fatigue and the gas (though he did refer me to an osteopath about the joint pain).

Something tells me that I'm going to get sick a lot in the near future. ;)

Actually, I am healthier than I was when last I saw him... my blood-pressure has returned to normal (it was slightly high last time), my circulation is good, and though my triglycerides are still through the roof, my cholesterol is great. He wants me to lose some weight and get into a cardio exercise program at least three days a week to get those triglycerides under control. But for my age and weight, I'm in pretty good condition.

And I didn't have to take off my clothes, nor submit to a prostate exam (though I must say I was a trifle disappointed, seeing as how thoroughly I cleaned up for possible inspection).

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go think dirty thoughts about Dr. McDaddy. In the meantime, you can think dirty thoughts about Dr. McDreamy.


No, you can't think dirty thoughts about Dr. McDaddy. He's MINE, betch! :badgrin:
 ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6257-Dr-McDaddy! Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho... http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6006-Heigh-Ho-Heigh-Ho Thu, 12 Jun 2008 01:21:24 GMT ...it's off to work I go!

So I just got back from my first day at my new job, and I had such a great time! Granted, I'm not doing anything very exciting yet... I don't have access to the database just yet, so I'm spending my time sorting and filing the mountain of paperwork that has accrued since my position has been empty.

But all the people I met today were so nice, so positive and cheerful. Even the few clients I dealt with today were fairly pleasant.

One of the best things I learned today is that my boss is older than me! I thought that, for the first time in my life, I was going to have a boss who was younger than me... but we were talking about birthday cards, and I said that since my last birthday was my 40th, all of my birthday cards were of the teasing variety... to which she responded that her fortieth, last year, was the same. She doesn't look a day over thirty, so I was rather surprised.

Anyway, more news as it becomes available; right now, I need to take a short nap. After three and a half months of not working, my body isn't used to this eight-hours-at-a-time bullshit anymore, and it's going to take some adjustment.

Kisses!

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6006-Heigh-Ho-Heigh-Ho Yay Me! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5988-Yay-Me! Fri, 06 Jun 2008 07:20:50 GMT I got the job! I got the job! I got the job!\:/

YAY!:gogirl:

So, as stated in the previous post, I've been waiting on tenterhooks to hear about this job I want at a non-profit agency which helps people get on their feet with job placement and housing assistance. And today, I got it! I'm thrilled and relieved. I'm dazzled and delighted! I'm choking on my own spit! (!w!)

The best part: the reason they delayed in offering me the job is because they were getting permission from the Board of Directors to offer me a higher starting salary than was listed! SCREEEE! :luv:

So I start on Wednesday, which gives me five days to get my shit together, get my wardrobe squared away, and finish off all the little projects I've been meaning to do since I've been unemployed. It's going to be a busy few days.

And I couldn't be happier!:hurray:

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5988-Yay-Me! Guess What?! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5984-Guess-What-! Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:50:21 GMT CHICKEN BUTT!! :badgrin:



This moment of complete infantilism brought to you by L'Ennui® Brand Boredom. I seriously need to get out of this room.

SRSLY!

I mean, I've spent pretty much the last ten days in here, alternating between the bed and the desk. I haven't even been watching TV. I've done a lot of reading, and watched a few movies in bed, and I went out on Saturday to run errands... but other than that, I've been here, waiting for the damned phone to ring.

The job I want at the nonprofit has not yet happened. My friend who works there has reported to me that he's sure I'm going to be hired, judging by remarks he's overheard from the people in charge; however, they have as yet neglected to tell me anything, either yea or nay. And it's driving me nuts. NUTZ I tellya!

The recovery time for my oral surgery has been a factor here. I mean, the painkillers were seriously fucking up my ability to function properly, and even though I stopped taking them after four days, they seem to be taking their sweet time completely exiting my system. And of course I was supposed to take it easy, at least until the stitches came out, which happened five days later. But after five days of enforced inactivity, I'm finding it very difficult to enforce any activity. I have shit to do, places to go, and all kinds of ideas... but all I want to do is go back to bed.

Well, I'm going to get up now. I have to run down to the pharmacy for the Grandmother, she's out of hydrochlorothyazide. First a shower and some fresh clothes. And while I'm out, I think I'll... oh, hell, I don't know what. Maybe I'll stop at the gym or go for a walk or something to get my blood moving.

Toodles!

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5984-Guess-What-! In Need of Well-Wishes http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5954-In-Need-of-Well-Wishes Tue, 20 May 2008 23:41:19 GMT Not wishing-wells...

So I had a second interview today for a job I really want at a non-profit agency in Berkeley... and while I won't exactly say I bombed, I did come out of there feeling somewhat less than 100% confident in my interview. The first interview went like a breeze, but this one revealed some of my weaknesses, like my general inability to ask questions or develop long-term goals. But we laughed a lot, and on most of the questions they nodded knowingly as if I had said exactly the right thing.

But I'm feeling anxious, anyway. So please wish me luck; send your positive vibes my way; if you pray, say a little one for me. And if you happen to have an "in" with any supernatural powers, let them know that I am both worthy and deserving.

Thanks!

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5954-In-Need-of-Well-Wishes The Days Run Together http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5830-The-Days-Run-Together Sat, 12 Apr 2008 17:28:12 GMT So it is now week six of my unemployment... and I'm still rather enjoying myself. It's delicious to not have to wake up in the morning, delightful to watch TV as late as I like, divine to spend the day in gym shorts on the couch.

However, I am starting to miss having any structure in my life. The hours trickle by without any feature, and I am starting to find it difficult to remember what day it is. I was quite shocked to realize that today is Saturday...if I'd ventured a guess, I would have said Thursday. Wherever did this last week go?

I keep intending to institute some structure into my days...getting up at the same time, going to the gym in the late morning or early afternoon, spending X-amount of time on the job search and y-amount on my novel. But instead I just sleep in, read in bed most of the morning, and spend the evenings in front of the TV. Very pleasant, very relaxing, but not very productive.

Ah, well, better than a rap on the head with a sharp stone, as my Daddy always says.

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5830-The-Days-Run-Together Shit! Fuck! Damn! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5724-Shit!-Fuck!-Damn! Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:02:32 GMT I got laid off from my job. New budget restraints have forced them to reevaluate nonessential positions, and mine was about as nonessential as it... I got laid off from my job. New budget restraints have forced them to reevaluate nonessential positions, and mine was about as nonessential as it could get, so I and my position got the axe.

Now what do I do?

Yeah, I know...start looking for a new one, right away before I blow through all of my savings and severance pay...but I just don't want to. I don't want to meet new people, I don't want to learn new routes, I don't want to do more interviews. I've barely recovered from the last bout, it was only a year ago.

I'm really going to miss my company...though I hated the job I was doing, I really loved the people I worked with, and I really loved the office. I felt very much at home there.

But now my elephants are in a big box in my car, along with my silk plants and my planners and my bits and bobs of souvenirs. It's very depressing.

Oh well. Life goes on. In the meantime, I have more time to spend here at JUB. And more time to spend cleaning my room, and working on my novel, and running errands for the Grandmother. Every cloud has a silver lining, I guess.

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5724-Shit!-Fuck!-Damn! Why Repeat the Silent Letter? http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5508-Why-Repeat-the-Silent-Letter Thu, 20 Dec 2007 19:53:42 GMT Okay, something's been bugging the hell out of me the last couple of days, and though I have been trying to practice positivity and ignore things that make me angry, I have to get this off my chest.

Why, when people are drawing out a word, do they repeat the silent letter instead of the sounded letter? In several different threads the last few days, I have heard people loveeeeeee or hateeeeee several different things. Why is that? It should be looooooooove or haaaaaaate. I mean, say it out loud, which vowel sound is drawn out? The silent one at the end or the sounded one in the middle?

Or is it the new trend to add an ee sound to the end of words rather than drawing out the central vowel sound? That's always a possibility.

OK, so that's off my chest. The perpetrators of the foul crime will never see this, so it's as pointless as pointless can be. But then, aren't most rants?

I'm home sick, that's why I have so much time to peruse the boards lately; I've been deeply depressed for the last couple of weeks, and it culminated in a nice strength-sapping flu that's kept me pretty much in bed for the last three days (when I wasn't sitting here hateeeeeing functional illiteracy or sitting on the toilet reading the same Readers Digest that's been sitting there for two months).

My last nap seems to have cleared things up a bit, though, I'm feeling a lot better. I think, since I have the time off work already, that I'll get dressed and run a few errands. Toodle-pip!

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5508-Why-Repeat-the-Silent-Letter <![CDATA[Oh, My Achin' Back!]]> http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5324-Oh-My-Achin-Back! Mon, 22 Oct 2007 02:13:55 GMT So I'm settling in to my new half-and-half position at work; I spend half the day in Credentialing and half the day in Reception and HR combined... a nice variety.

But the credentialing work is turning out to be harder than I expected. The main brunt of my job is to scan paper files into electronic files... sounds simple, right?

Well, each file has two folders, an Administration folder and a Confidential folder; each folder has five to seven sections, each separated by a cardstock tab; I have to open each folder, take out each section, replace the card tab with a pink paper divider, and set it in a stack... then on to the next section, then the next; then, once I have all the sections undone out of the file (being sure to remove any staples, paperclips, and Post-Its, as well as to make copies of the backs of two-sided documents or the fronts of anything printed on too-thick or too-thin of paper [such as stock resumes or old thermal faxes] as I go), I run the whole pile through the scanner. Then I carefully put the two folders back together with their card tabs. The whole process takes about a half an hour. Per file. And there are about 1200 files. I estimate this job will take two years, minimum.

Which is nice as far as job security goes, except for one thing: after the second or third file of the day, I develop a terrible pain in the middle of my back (the lower-central thoracic curve, for those in the know). It's some sort of repetitive stress problem, which I can probably fix by altering the ergonomics of the situation, but it's made the last week utter torture. Even when I'm not working, I can't sit up for more than an hour anymore without getting a twinge right there.

And did I mention it's boring? So boring it makes me want to open a vein? Well, it is. It's even more boring than straight filing, where at least you don't have to pay that close of attention. If I wasn't able to wear my iPod when I do this particular work, I'd go bugfucky in a matter of minutes.

Oh, well, it's better than unemployment.

I think.

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5324-Oh-My-Achin-Back! <![CDATA[The Doll's House]]> http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5262-The-Doll-s-House Thu, 04 Oct 2007 14:33:33 GMT Those who've been following along for some time might remember my dollhouse obsession from about a year and a half ago? When I absolutely had to have a Marx lithographed tin dollhouse with plastic furniture like I had when I was a tot?

Well, it's happened again. Over the last couple of months, I've been obsessed by dollhouses, this time the full-sized real wood kind. I've been doing daily eBay browses for dollhouses and miniatures, fantasizing about building one from a kit, and planning where in my home I'd put such a thing. I've been looking at Victorian mansions that I know I'd never be able to complete, Colonial saltboxes I probably could complete but don't like as much, and classic farmhouses that I think Grandmother would like and would therefore not condemn as roundly as she would the other kinds.

But on Monday I was browsing around and found this thing:



This is clearly a child's toy, and a bit of a mess at that, not to mention a most noxious color, but it's made from one of the kits I was considering buying, the DuraCraft San Franciscan, and I know that if I'd bought the kit and assembled it, it would look at lot worse than this one.

The deciding point, however, was the price: $134 including shipping! The kit, unpainted and unassembled, usually goes for twice that. And it was a Buy-It-Now auction, so I could have it right then and there without diddling about with other bidders knocking the price up.

And so, after juggling my finances and putting off one of my bills and going without bought lunches until next paycheck (since I'd already spent all my disposable income on my Halloween costume), I went ahead and Bought It Now. And now I have to think of a way of justifying it to the Grandmother, and a place to put it in my room, and all that.

However, I'm looking at this not only as a whim-of-the-moment toy, but a long-term project. What I want to do is actually fix the house up so that it's beautiful, and then furnish it slowly (yeah, that'll happen) after I finish making it nice. See, this is what the house is supposed to look like:



Isn't that gorgeous? And I think I can make my lavender horror look like that, with a little time and patience and a visit to the crafts store for some paint. All the windows will need installing, the gingerbread needs to be frothed on, and the interior needs new floors, wallpapers, and if I want to get really fancy (which I do want), the installation of electricity. Then I'll have something I can proudly display in the living room instead of hiding in my bedroom.

In the meantime, the funky purple house is going to receive an interim collection of very funky handmade furniture that I bought last month; when I have a little money again, it will then hold an incoming tide of the Petite Princess collection that I intend to start with my next paycheck, or the one after (it's a line of dollhouse furniture that came out in the 60s and is deliciously campy).

The funny thing is, I feel a certain satisfaction over this purchase that obliviates the ridiculousness of it... I feel really good about this purchase, and am looking forward to the hours I can spend on making it beautiful.

And while I'm waiting for this enormous package to come in the mail, I need to work on my costume... it needs some alterations, and I'm making some additions in the way of ribbon facing for the jacket and garters for the pants... I got this gorgous embroidered pink-and-gold ribbon for the purpose and it came yesterday, so I'd better get to stitching.

Toodle-pip!

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5262-The-Doll-s-House Best... Side-Effect... EVER! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5221-Best-Side-Effect-EVER! Sat, 22 Sep 2007 17:38:41 GMT So I don't remember if I told you: I'm trying out a new medication to replace my old mood stabilizer (Depakote), the side-effects of which included lethargy, weight-gain, and demophobia... which I just didn't like. So my new doctor put me on something called Abilify, which I'm liking a lot. Except for the constipation, which is the most common side-effect and which I'm not enjoying one little bit.

However, the other side-effect is something called "akathasia" or the inability to sit still. My doc advises me that if this doesn't wear off after three weeks, or if it gets worse or just gets irritating, we'll try something else. But in the meantime, it's the single-most useful side-effect I've ever had from a medication.

When I totally rearranged my room last week, that was part of the side-effect (though I thought it as merely a manic spurt). And now this morning I'm actually cleaning my room... I have boxes for magazines, boxes for books, a big box for paper recycling and a big bag for garbage. And I've cleared the area in the center of the room already.

This akathasia is also a godsend for my diet-and-exercise program. I lost four pounds last week, and also gained a certain amount of muscle (which means I lost more than four pounds of fat), simply because I couldn't get comfortable in my chair so I kept getting up and doing isometrics, still Pilates, and simple callisthenics like slant pushups and the like, all day long at work.

And the demophobia seems to be waning, though I wonder if that isn't a placebo effect. Last week I went to a Royal Grand Ducal function, I haven't been to one since last March, and I was really excited about going. Unfortunately, the event was densely populated (I've been claustrophobic since I was a child), and I couldn't get comfortable sitting anywhere, so I started having a tiny panic-attack and decided to leave after only an hour and a half.

But tonight I have another event, the Living Sober Fall Follies drag show (if you happen to be at a loose end in San Francisco tonight, it's at Ellard Hall, 18th and Diamond in the Castro District... it's a fundraiser, so $15 at the door). I'm not entirely sure I won't chicken out at the last minute, but I have every intention of going nonetheless. It's very exciting to want to go out again.

Well, anyway, I'm going to get back to picking up the trash. On my floor, that is ;)

Toodles!



PS: I decided not to do the show after all... I spent so much time cleaning my room this morning that I didn't have time to prepare my drag for the show... packing up, repairing my corset, finding both my shoes, checking that I have all the makeup I need, shaving my upper body, etc.

Ah, well... maybe I'll go anyway and just watch. From the back, whence I can escape easily.;) ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5221-Best-Side-Effect-EVER! Ye Gods, What Have I Done? http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5202-Ye-Gods-What-Have-I-Done Sun, 16 Sep 2007 19:36:01 GMT So the last few days, I've had a bug up my butt about rearranging my room. And this morning, buzzing on the fury of missing an eBay auction because I was talking about Jesus on a thread I started (a dollhouse kit that I was willing to pay $100 for went for $36.50 because I wasn't there), I rearranged my room. It was a monumental undertaking, requiring me to shift a whole lot of stuff from one end of the room to another and then wrestle a queen-sized mattress, box-spring, and frame to one side of the room and then to its final resting place.

I feel really good about the arrangement, and aside from a rather sore back I feel really good about the amount of physical work that I expended this morning. But now look at it! It's a worse mess than when I started!



It occurred to me the other night that I sleep better with my head pointed North, so I thought I might sleep better if I had my bed in the northern corner of the room instead of against the northwestern wall.

I had my room arranged that way for a few years, but I decided it wasn't working because I'd pile up the wall side of the bed with junk and was soon sleeping in less than a twin-sized space. Also the extra floor space seemed to invite more litter.

So I rearranged my room two years ago; but the mess didn't improve, it just had less floor-space to work in. I mean, this is what it looked like before I rearranged:


So anyway, I at least got the bed made so that if I don't finish cleaning (and I don't suppose I will finish cleaning any time soon), I can at least go to bed and sleep comfortably tonight.

In the meantime, it is a bit of a shock to come into the room and see so much floor, and so much of that floor piled so high with crap. It's gonna take a while to unclutter this space!



Yikes. :help: ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5202-Ye-Gods-What-Have-I-Done <![CDATA[Well, it's About Freakin' Time!]]> http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5188-Well-it-s-About-Freakin-Time! Wed, 12 Sep 2007 01:46:45 GMT So I finally heard back about the job I want at my company today! I'm off the tenterhooks at last!

Unfortunately, what I heard is that I didn't get the job. :cry:

On the plus side, though, nobody got the job. What happened was, during the interview process, they had such a hard time agreeing on the qualities and qualifications they wanted in an Administrative Assistant that they realized that they didn't need an Administrative Assistant at all...they needed a Systems Analyst (which I am not). So I had been a good candidate, but the department decided to restructure the entire job and so the job I applied to was withdrawn.

So I don't feel all that bad about not getting the job. And maybe I'm better off out of a department that interviews twelve people, reinterviews six, takes a month to make a decision, and then decides to change the job specs. ](*,)

I also feel good about my place in the company. The person I talked to about all this today is the HR Director, and she assured me that everyone loves me and they really want to keep me. My interim position will stand as-is for as long as the hospitalist department's budget for me holds out, and after that if nothing else has opened up I can slide into a half-time position in the credentials department while continuing to be the back-up receptionist.

While I of course would rather have a single desk for the whole day, I do enjoy doing the reception relief. Carolyn, the senior receptionist, is a total hoot, I love working with her. And staying in the company, even with a pay cut, is really important to me... as I said before, I love this company, I love being at the office, and I really love my benefits! (Did I mention when I got the job that we have a 135% employer match on our 401(k)? Well, we do!)

But this also means another month or two spending a sixth of my day in the elevator. Maybe I should make up some games I can play in the elevator to relieve the boredom. Any ideas?

Oh, well. Better than a rusty spike in the eye, I allus say!

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5188-Well-it-s-About-Freakin-Time! What Floor Is This? http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5103-What-Floor-Is-This Wed, 22 Aug 2007 04:19:58 GMT So the work sitch... it's going OK, I'm getting used to my new interim position, but I can't say that I like it a whole lot.

I spend half my day down on the second floor, no view, no cuties, just my computer screen in a cubicle that belongs to someone else. I'm working as Projects Assistant for the hospitalist division (that is, physician partners who work in hospitals rather than in emergency rooms, as do the rest of our partners), covering for the out-on-indefinite-leave Projects Manager underneath the Chief of Hospitalist Operations.

I like my boss, and I like the girl in the next cubicle, but the energy of the second floor really sucks... there's no flow. It's like two entire departments being made to stand in a corner. And the work itself is boring in the extreme... since my position doesn't really exist, it doesn't come with regular duties; so I've been ordering nicey-nicey gifts for the new partners (personalized lab coats, Rx pads, and these really cool stamper pens), sending out Patient Satisfaction Surveys, inputting completed Patient Satisfaction Surveys, and tweaking around with the Patient Satisfaction Survey database to present the findings in various different ways. And when I run out of such stimulating stuff to do, I just sit. I blog a little, I research a little, I eBay a little, nothing much.

Then I spend a third of my day at the Reception desk, relieving the regular receptionist for her coffee and lunch breaks, and helping with the mail in the afternoons. This was rather more challenging, since I have a deep inborn terror of phones that I can only overcome with practice; and since I haven't done much phone work in the last several months, I was rusty... every time that phone rang, I panicked a little. The fear of making mistakes, and the anxiety I experienced when I did make mistakes (like letting salespeople through to executives or hanging up on partners while trying to transfer them), were absolutely exhausting.

But now I have memorized the processes by which one forwards a call, announces a call, and/or transfers a call to voice-mail; I've also developed that sixth sense that tells me when I'm talking to a salesman who will be automatically sent to voice-mail or if I'm talking to a legitimate caller that the recipient actually wants to talk to. And I'm getting the hang of the mail-sorting, which is rather more Byzantine than one would expect, but which makes a certain amount of sense after a while.

The rest of the day (my math represents that as approximately one sixth) is spent in the elevator, ranging between the second and ninth floors. This is the part of the job I hate... first of all, I don't particularly care for elevators, being claustrophobic and all; second of all, I get disoriented every time, so after the third or fourth trip in the course of the day, I sometimes forget where I am and where I'm going.

But whatever... I'm getting the same pay and the same benefits, so it's all good. And at the Reception desk, I get to see more people, particularly cuties... though there are rather fewer cuties than when I first started, three of them have left since then (though I don't think it was my fault).

On the future-trip side of things, I had my first interview for the transfer position I want last Friday, and I think it went fairly well; I have my second interview this coming Friday, and am a trifle nervous... see, the first interview was with the job's supervisor, the Operations Manager, while the second interview will be with the people the job actively supports, the Practice Management Consultants. There are seven of them, and though I know five of them reasonably well and am on friendly terms with two, I don't really know what they're like to work for.

So that's what my life is like just now at work.

In the rest of my life, I finally got hold of a psychiatrist and have an appointment next week to start working on getting my medications balanced out. I haven't felt quite right since I switched mood-stabilizers and then switched back... I mean, I don't feel like I did before I switched. Hopefully he'll be able to do something for me that will make me feel better without the extraneous weight and the sluggishness. We'll see.

So until I find something else to gripe about, I'll see you on the boards! Cheers! :wave:

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5103-What-Floor-Is-This Today I feel... http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5100-Today-I-feel Tue, 21 Aug 2007 03:15:15 GMT http://justusboys.com/forum/userimages/9/4/6/0/5/267691.jpg You ever feel like that?

You ever feel like that? ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5100-Today-I-feel Why So Quiet? http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5032-Why-So-Quiet Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:36:32 GMT Some of you may have been wondering why I haven't been posting much lately... for some it's a blessed relief, I'm sure, but I certainly miss being here more.

The thing is, I have Job Drama. Three weeks ago, my boss decided that I wasn't "a fit" for my position and gave me a week to think about a response to that statement.

During that week I whipped myself into a frenzy of self-improvement, trying to demonstrate that I really do want to keep my job and am willing to do just about anything to improve.

Then, when we started talking it over the following week, I could tell from her responses to my suggestions and statements that she'd already made up her mind about it, and nothing I could do was going to change that... the conditions she put on me being able to keep my job were way too subjective. It came down to a choice of trying really hard to improve and facing termination if I didn't, or just giving up and having the opportunity to leave quietly with good references and help finding another position in the company.

So over the last two weeks, I've been wrapping my mind around that and working not only to improve my performance at my current job (for my own pride) but to hunt up another position in the company. There are a few open, and one in particular that I really want, but internal applicants aren't given any preference over external applicants, which is not what I wanted to hear when I visited the recruiting manager.

I really want to stay with my company. Not only to keep my benefits and to avoid being unemployed again (which I don't think I can handle, and I don't think Grandmother can afford), but because I like it there. I love being able to see my building from a distance, I love zipping my key-cards in the garage and the elevator, I love the color of the carpet. And I really like the people I work with... I ordinarily can come up with a short list of people I don't like in any given group, but I haven't found anybody there to not like.

So I've applied for another position, and in the meantime I'm taking a temporary position. Today's my first day in this temp slot, working on some marketing projects for the hospitalists division (I don't really know what that means... yet) while the regular person is on medical leave, and covering the receptionist's breaks at the front desk until a permanent relief receptionist is hired. I'm very thankful for this temp position, and I'm feeling very positive about the other position I've applied for, but the uncertainty and the upheaval have really been a trial for me.

And then, the whole thing came right on top of a natural downswing in my bipolar disorder... I was already kind of depressed, and this totally pushed me over the edge into serious depression... not quite severe depression, the medication kept me out of that particular black hole, but the suicidal ideation and the lethargy have been hard to fight against, even with the pills.

So, to sum it up, I haven't had a lot of energy left over to write or talk to anyone. When I'm having personal troubles, I tend to curl up and hide, the energy required for communicating with people is just too much for me. Which is, of course, extremely unhelpful, since I can't vent my feelings or get advice or even just keep a semblance of normalcy. I just spend a lot more time reading.

So anyway, I'd better go get dressed and get off to work. New job, yay (that didn't sound right... let me try again... "New Job! YAY!")

Sometimes life sucks is all. And sometimes it blows, and sometimes it bites. But the rest of the time, it's A-OK, so I guess I'll stick around a little while and wait for things to even out again. ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5032-Why-So-Quiet You May Have Noticed... http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4791-You-May-Have-Noticed Tue, 29 May 2007 02:34:49 GMT Do I seem a little crazy to you? I feel crazy, and I know I've been screaming my head off on the boards (not that the things I screamed about weren't worth screaming about, some of them needed being screamed about... but I don't ordinarily scream), and I'm fucking horny all the time, and quite frequently angry and sad at once.

It's because I'm changing meds again. The Lamictal simply did not work for me... it fucked with my sleep patterns and didn't do enough to stabilize my mood-swings. So considering it costs $2.40 a day (compared to the $0.30 a day of my old meds), I've decided to switch back to Depakote. 'Cuz honey, I'd rather be fat and lethargic (the reasons they changed my meds in the first place) than the way I've been feeling lately: brittle, touchy, slow-witted, and unhappy.

So as I slowly slide off the Lamictal (I have to go off it slowly for the same reason I had to go onto it slowly: lest I break out in a fatal rash), I guess I can look forward to being a bipolar mess for the next week or two. So if I get particularly mean or unbearably soggy, I apologize in advance.

Discussion topic: do normal people realize how lucky they are? Or is everyone's problems just as bad as everyone else's? Talk amongst yourselves.

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4791-You-May-Have-Noticed Robert~Marlénè Goes To Work http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4644-Robert-Marlénè-Goes-To-Work Wed, 18 Apr 2007 14:28:02 GMT I know you've all been sitting on the very edges of your seats, waiting to see how my new job is going. Well, it's going great! And I just got a paycheck, a fat one, which makes everything nicer.

Anyway, since I'm a visual person and expect you're also a visual person, I have some visuals to let you know what my new job's like!

Here's the building in which I work. It's gorgeous! Well, I think it's gorgeous... I love the curve of it, the size of it, the bluey-greeny-ness of it. Count up nine floors, slide over to the far right, and that's where my department sits... the company takes up the whole floor, and we're about to take over the second floor as well.



Actually, I come at it from the other side, but I couldn't stand in the middle of a four-lane thoroughfare to get a picture, so I took it from the shoreline park beside the building (which is much prettier when the tide is in).



Here is a shot of the lobby of our building. Again, I come at it from the other side, since I park in the garage behind the building, but this is what visitors see (that glass balcony is the second floor that we're taking over; my boss hopes that our department gets moved down there, so in case of a fire we can get all the way outside without having to schlep down a lot of stairs):



Then I take the elevator up to my floor. I have to have a security badge to make the elevator work, and it's coded so that I can only press the button for my own floor... I can't get off anywhere else. It's a little irritating, particularly when the card-reader is being lazy, but it's kind of cool, too. Then I get off the elevator, and say "Hi" to the receptionst while picking up my department's mail; the tiny black dot just visible over the reception counter is the backup receptionist (the regular receptionist would be a gray dot, but she's on vacation); behind her is the Directors' boardroom. One always likes to be aware of when the Directors are there, because they get catered meals that we get to share.



Then I stop off at my desk, which I love! It's so comfortable, especially now that I've added a few homey touches to make it my own... some elephants, my Venetian mirror (actually from Venice), and some candy and Clif bars stashed in one of the drawers that you can't see.





Sometimes, if I get bored with my own cube, I go look out the windows. We have spectactular views from every window on our floor, there are no taller buildings nearby to block us (and so I hope our department doesn't move down to the second floor, where the only view is of the tops of palm trees).

The first window is the CFO's window, which I can see from my desk and which I look through quite frequently; the second window is in my department head's office, where I spend a lot of time:





And finally, here I am sitting in my cube (we call them "cubes" rather than cubicles... and they are roughly cubic, though not quite as tall as they are wide and long), posing for the New Hires feature in our internal newsletter:



So there's really not all that much left to tell. I'm still learning some of the details of my job, but I am fairly secure in knowing what I'm doing most of the time. I am still enjoying myself, still looking forward to getting to work in the morning, and not nearly as excited about getting off work as I was at previous situations.

In other news... there is no other news... not until we get the results from the Puka-Pride contest. Then I'll let you know if I'm rejoicing or slashing my wrists.

]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4644-Robert-Marlénè-Goes-To-Work YAY! I GOT IT!!! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4513-YAY!-I-GOT-IT!!! Fri, 23 Mar 2007 22:09:58 GMT Huzzah! O, frabjous day, calloo, callay! Eeeeeeeeee!

Where are those damned smilies, anyway? Why don't we have a smilie directory in the blog editing window? I need some dancing bananas, and I need them right now!

Oh, here it is...

(!) --%----%----%----%--(!)

\:/ (!w!)\:/

Okay, so let's calm down just a bit.

I just got The Call... I've been given the job I wanted most out of all those for which I interviewed this week!! $41k/yr, comprehensive medical+dental+vision benefits, and a 135%-employer-matched 401(k). I'll get to work with some really nice people in a really fabulous office-tower with utterly amazing views! There are at least four intensely cute men who work there, too! I'll have my own capacious cubicle decorated with burl walnut and navy broadloom! And I start on Wednesday!!!

I'm so thrilled I'm about to pee in my pants!

(!) --%----%----%----%--(!)
]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4513-YAY!-I-GOT-IT!!! Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years? http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4490-Where-Do-You-See-Yourself-in-Five-Years Tue, 20 Mar 2007 03:01:07 GMT God, I hate that question! And every person with whom I've interviewed this last week has asked me that. It's so cliche! And what really bugs me is that I don't have an answer. Shall I try to be funny? "Not looking for a job, that's for damned sure!" Shall I try to be ooey-gooey positive? "Doing something meaningful for the planet, children, animals, and old people." Shall I be fantastic? "Cruising around the world on my three-hundred-foot-yacht while beautiful boys give me pedicures." Shall I be honest? "I have no freaking idea and couldn't care less... I just take things one day at a time."

So far I've always managed to come up with something useful on the fly, generally along the lines of "working in a challenging but stable environment in which my contributions are appreciated." That seems to push the correct button. Still, I wish they'd ask something original, like "what's your favorite movie?" or "when you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?" or "if you were an ice-cream, what flavor would you be?" It's what I'd ask, if for no other reason than to put the interviewee at his ease.

So, as you may have surmised by now, I have recently become proactive in my job search. My temp agency is having a dry spell, and so I have all this spare time suddenly on my hands; and what better time to hunt up a job? So I updated my resume on Yahoo HotJobs, I started cruising Craigslist after my email and before my message board, and began doing online applications with every large corporation I could think of... Bank of America, Levi Strauss, Clorox, World Savings, everybody with a building I can see from my hill. I applied for twelve jobs just last week, and am now waiting for those applications to come to fruition (successful or not) before starting another round.

It feels great, being proactive. I hate starting these projects, my resistance to change ramps up to monumental weight, but I always feel better once a project is underway. And so this week I have three interviews lined up, one under my belt from this morning, one tomorrow at three, and a long one on Thursday. Last week I had an interview with what turned out to be a staffing agency, and the ones I'm meeting on Tuesday and Thursday have already pre-interviewed me over the phone (hence the "where do you see yourself in five years" question being repeated), so the one this morning felt very comfortable, and I'm not nervous about the coming meetings at all.

Dying my hair also helped. I feel horribly shallow that I derive so much confidence from Clairol Professional Honey Brown and Clinique Rejuvenating Eye Cream... but hey, whatever works. If it keeps me from sweating and "um"ing at an interview, I'll do it! ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4490-Where-Do-You-See-Yourself-in-Five-Years Impulse Control Problems http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4380-Impulse-Control-Problems Thu, 01 Mar 2007 04:51:04 GMT In most instances, I have the whole Impulse Control thing down to a science... I'm so good at it that I seldom ever do anything scary or risky or potentially dangerous, no matter how good an idea it seems at the moment.

Except, of course, when it come to spending money. I've been really good lately, saving up some money, paying my bills on time and all that; but something snapped this week.

First, on Monday, I let myself have a couple of treats on eBay... a crystal elephant and a spinning elephant ring (did I mention I collect elephants?) that cost very little, even with shipping... about fifty bucks, no big deal.

Then after work, I had to go out to PetCo to get a water filter for Claudius (you remember Claudius, don't you? my turtle?) so I don't have to keep washing his tank every few days. And while I was there, I bought him some new food, an extra charcoal-filter-replacement-bag and a cute little plastic shelf made to look like a natural growth so he can climb out of the water and bask under his basking lamp. There went eighty bucks.

And on the way back to the car I saw that Shoe Pavilion was having a sale, so I thought I'd run in and have a look at what was on offer... and ended up buying a pair of Rockport walkers almost exactly like the ones I already have, the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned and neutral enough to wear with anything. They were on sale! And the ones I have are falling apart after two years of hard use. Then while I was standing at the checkout counter, I saw this gorgeous rosewood shoe-horn and bought that, too. Bye-bye seventy-five bucks!

Now this is all garden-variety shopping-addiction, nothing unusual from what I usually do whenever I have a little money in the bank. I just love to buy stuff, is all.

No, the impulse-control thing came up the next day. I was driving home, you see, and I heard this ad on the radio for Gold's Gym's Spring Special: no membership fee and only $19 a month. I used to belong to Gold's, but gave up my membership when I lost my job two years ago, since I couldn't pay the annual fee and wasn't going all that often anyway. But I've been wanting to get back into an exercise program to get rid of some of this extra weight, so it's been on my mind to keep an eye open for just such a special.

So I decided, upon hearing the radio ad, to go to Gold's and see what was up with this special. Of course it was the usual bait-and-switch, a great deal so long as you didn't want to stay with the gym for more than a few months, after which the $19 monthly fee would jump to $49. Fortunately, the salesman I talked to was the one who sold me my original membership, and he was able to turn me off that special and give me the re-enrollment package for former members: $50 and first-and-last down and $29 a month for a year (I don't do math well in my head, but I think that works out cheaper than the special).

This was a good expense, though I didn't feel quite right spilling that much money all at once, because it really is important for me to get back into a regular exercise program. But I was shocked at the speed with which I went from hearing a radio ad to plunking down $108 and agreeing to cough up an additional thirty every month in perpetuity... the whole operation took about twenty minutes.

When I got home, I was kind of jazzed about my decision, and started planning out what I need to put in my gym-bag, and when I should go, and all that sort of thing... thinking, at the same time, that I'd really like to have a better mp3 player than the crappy 250mg one I have so that I could listen to lots of different music while I was working out. What I'd really really like, what I've wanted for a long time now, was an iPod.

So I started browsing around on eBay and found one for only $89... or $102 with shipping. And without so much as looking at my bank-account to see if I could afford it, I clicked on the buy-it-now button and was the proud (if somewhat bewildered) owner of a new-in-the-box 2G iPod Nano, brushed silver color. The price can't be beat, but I should have used that money to pay the parking tickets I got last month when I forgot about street-sweeping day.

What I'm saying is, in two days I managed to spend a whole week's pay on everything except my bills. How the hell did this happen? And why do I let things like this happen? And why do I want so badly to keep going!? Like, why did I spend my lunch-hour today cruising eBay in search of a blingy rhinestone-studded iPod skin?

Do I have a problem? Do I need to do anything about it? I don't know... I do love to spend money, I love it more than almost anything else. But am I in the least in control of it, or is it entirely in control of me?

I wish I knew. I guess I'd better do some prayer and meditation on this topic. I don't like having no control over my impulses, it's scary. And if I am going to lose control over an impulse, why can't it be my sexual impulses?

In the meantime... should I get the pink rhinestone skin or the silver rhinestone skin? It's only fifteen bucks with shipping... ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4380-Impulse-Control-Problems About My Mother http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4023-About-My-Mother Fri, 29 Dec 2006 18:52:19 GMT So my mother dropped by today. This is not a normal occurrence... in fact it's the first time she's ever done it, largely because she's not allowed to drive and nobody else in her family knows how. And for a long time, she wasn't allowed out of Tuolomne County lest she anger her parole officer, which does put a damper on one's travels.

I haven't seen her for a few years. For a long time, she and my sister were still pretty close, and so Suzie would bring Mother along to stay with her, or would drag me up there (Mother lives in Sonora, a lovely little mountain resort town); but now Suzie won't talk to her at all, so I don't hear from or about her as much.

Also, in my earlier sobriety, I made a great deal of effort to build a new relationship with her, mostly in order to have something to replace the (abusive and hateful) relationship I used to have with her, and would go up to Sonora to visit her once in a while, and sent her cards and gifts on holidays; but then I realized after a while that it wasn't only our past history that was keeping us apart, it was also the simple boring fact that I just don't enjoy her company and would rather fill out tax forms for eternity than talk to her for ten minutes.

In the last two years, I haven't been in contact with her. She moved, and didn't give me her new address, so I let the cards and gifts habit drop. She would call every now and again, but it was usually trying to track down my sister so she could talk to her rather than to talk to me. Which, though I don't like talking to her and would rather she talked to Suzie and left me out of it, pissed me off unreasonably.

So anyway, here she is popping up at my door at nine in the morning. I was forewarned by a few minutes, she called the Grandmother to make sure I was home, but asked her not to tell me so it would be a surprise. Grandmother (to reduce confusion remember that I live with my paternal grandmother) wisely let me know anyway; for though I was certainly at home, I was still in bed, and in no state to receive visitors. I am fortunately a good enough actor to feign surprise when she knocked about ten minutes later, I'd gotten into my sweats and had a cup of coffee in me to brace myself.

My mother is crazy, by the way. Certifiable, I think, though not apparently enough of a danger to herself or others that she needs to be locked up (though she has been locked up before, but that was for multiple DUIs and assaulting an officer). But decades of drug and alcohol abuse, along with a natural disaffinity for Reality and a lifelong tendency to not only ignore it but to fabricate new and more entertaining realities, have rendered her technically Not Normal.

Which makes talking to her something of a trial. She rambles, she mumbles, she forgets whole words out of her sentences... and she has developed this weird habit of hanging her head and looking at you sideways, very much like the Evil Queen in Snow White, when she's dressed as a hag and peddling poisoned apples: distinctly unsettling.

Her current bête noir is the notion that her nephew murdered her mother (I don't refer to them as my cousin and grandmother, respectively, because I divorced myself from them years ago). It's her only topic of conversation. And while I don't doubt that Billy might have neglected or abused Grandma (he's a dreadful person), I don't suppose he actually murdered the old bag. That would be too much trouble. But you see, there was money involved, Grandma supposedly had a whole pile of it, though now Mother's sister says there wasn't any, it was all spent taking care of her... which of course Mother doesn't believe. So now it's a huge conspiracy, Billy killed Grandma and Aunt Margaret is hiding the money.

Anyway, while that might make an interesting Lifetime movie if it were properly cast, or at least a competent episode of Jerry Springer, it was rather tedious to listen to at nine in the morning on one cup of coffee. But the tirade was accompanied by a $200 birthday check... and though I don't like to think of myself as mercenary, that is a pretty good hourly rate for just smiling and nodding.

So anyway, I'm glad I saw her, glad that I touched base with her and got her new address so I can resume the Mothers'-Day/Birthday/Christmas card relationship again. I like being in touch with her, to have a connection to my own blood; but I vastly prefer it to happen with the assistance of the US Post Office, over a distance of some two hundred miles, instead of in person in my living room.

And thanks to the magic of the internet, I can be her MySpace friend! ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/4023-About-My-Mother Merry Sickmas http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3993-Merry-Sickmas Sun, 24 Dec 2006 21:24:13 GMT Yay, I came down with a loverly cold just in time for Christmas! It is in fact the cold that the Grandmother just got over, so at least she's all sympathetic since she remembers the symptoms... the overwhelming fatigue being the the most dramatic. I also have diarrhea, nausea, and random aches. She had a lot of phlegm as well, which I've managed to avoid so far, with only a slight post-nasal drip and a trifling congestion in my chest and sinuses, easily cleared with a swig of Alka-Seltzer Cold.

Speaking of which, I am amazed that they've finally come out with a form of Alka-Seltzer that actually tastes good... I got the Orange Zest flavor, and it's quite delicious (also a very pretty color).

So anyway, there's all this work to do around the house, and I feel too crappy to do it, yet it needs to be done nonetheless. So I am going to have to push myself just a bit. I have to get the boxes back into the attic, for one, and dust the living room and dining room, then get to work on the dressing and yams, and the kitchen and bathroom need mopping. Oh, and I have to wrap all those presents I bought.

Well, I guess it could be worse. But I won't mention ways in which in could be worse, in case one of those nasty-minded Fates is listening in.

Have a Happy Holiday! ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3993-Merry-Sickmas The Ghosts of Christmas Presents http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3987-The-Ghosts-of-Christmas-Presents Sat, 23 Dec 2006 06:15:22 GMT Well, after giving it some thought, I broke down and decided to buy Christmas presents for my family. I had intended not to, due to my straitened... Well, after giving it some thought, I broke down and decided to buy Christmas presents for my family. I had intended not to, due to my straitened finances, but I did a little jotting on the notepad and figured I could spare $150 without dying, and if I kept the gifts under $10 I could manage. And you know, Ross is right around the corner from the job I've been working this week, and there were a few other places I could get nice prezzies cheap, so that's what I did.

Actually, I started at a place called Tuesday Mornings, so named because that's when they get new shipments of discounted housewares, decorative items, and other sundries. I didn't see much that inspired me, but in the very last aisle I found this odd thing that appealed to me so strongly that I had to have it... it was a miniature pitcher and saucer, like for a washstand, Dresden-style, done in gold and cobalt and bright yellow. Gorgeous, and $5.99. Well, I couldn't buy just one thing, so I scoured the shelves again and came across some things that would do for various of my relatives... windchimes, facial scrubber machines, crystal candy-dishes, golf-themed desk-sets, stuff like that.

And then yesterday I went to Ross and finished up. And I found so many good bargains (sweaters, kitchen-canisters, etc.) that I was able to stick a few gifts for myself (a video and a back-support belt) into the mix while staying within my budget.

Though it was immensely tiring (especially since I have to park three-quarters of a mile from work, which is in downtown Berkeley and therefore a parking nightmare, and walk back weighed down with presents in the freezing rain), I feel a lot better about Christmas now that I can weigh in with some material posessions come Christmas day.

Our family has this big rather barbaric ritual, where we pass out all the gifts and then we all open them all at once, shouting thanks across the room in a deafening pandemonium that usually lasts about half an hour. Then we eat pie.

But the point is, we all shop for each other, rather than drawing names like civilized folks, and we open our presents in front of everyone and can see who gave what to whom. So of course if you give a gift you want it to be nice enough to bear scrutiny.

We're not really competitive about it, but I am competitive, and would feel bad giving someone a crappy gift, even worse than I feel not giving a gift at all. But now I have gifts, and I won't feel guilty receiving gifts.

All is right with the world. ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3987-The-Ghosts-of-Christmas-Presents Labor Pain http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3974-Labor-Pain Wed, 20 Dec 2006 06:08:43 GMT Sometimes I just hate Christmas. Well, no, I don't hate Christmas, I just hate the hoop-de-do. What I wouldn't give to spend a nice quiet Christmas all alone, or with one other person, no tree, no ginormous family dinner, no presents, no stress. But that's not the life I drew... mine is a life of family, and my family has traditions, and those traditions are labor-intensive.

But what I really hate is how the Grandmother gets on my back about getting the house ready, as if I haven't been doing it (and rather well if I say so myself) every year for the last twenty-five years. And it's not like it's difficult: schlepping the boxes out of the attic, moving the living-room furniture around, decorating the tree, decorating the house, schlepping the boxes back into the attic, cleaning everything, setting the table, and baking yams and stuffing... what could be simpler? Time-consuming, certainly (I estimated approximately thirty hours of labor last year), and a lot of physical labor, but not complicated or anything.

I sort of wish I weren't working this week, that would make it a lot simpler. But my sister is hanging out at the house this week helping out, so all the cleaning bits will get done well and quickly (my sister is very good at cleaning other people's houses). The trick is to keep the Grandmother placated. At least her shopping is already done, and we decided to cheat on the pie-crusts and buy Pillsbury. All we have to do is keep her calm.

Well, gotta go... my uncle just brought the tree, I'd better go help put it in the base. Toodles! ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3974-Labor-Pain My Feelings Got Hurt http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3893-My-Feelings-Got-Hurt Fri, 01 Dec 2006 17:24:48 GMT So I got to the new jobsite, dressed all snazzy and every hair in place, and I loved it from the first minute. Beautiful office, fabulous view across... So I got to the new jobsite, dressed all snazzy and every hair in place, and I loved it from the first minute. Beautiful office, fabulous view across the Bay, bleached pine woodwork and black leather upholstery (a favorite combination of mine), all the amenities.

The office wasn't as big as I'd been led to believe, and the duties of the admin-assistant not as heavy, and of course the dress-code was a lot more casual than I was dressed for (my agency is always doing that to me). But otherwise, it left nothing to be desired, except for the cute guys, of which there were none. In fact, there was only one other male in the office, definitely not cute, and he was in the field most of the day.

Anyway, I was being trained by the incumbent, who was moving to New York to take a job there. I didn't ask her why she was leaving, I didn't want to appear too nosey. And a number of people were out of the office, so I didn't meet everyone. And I can't say that I was particularly bubbly or effusive, mostly because I'd been terrified by my agent all week about how uppity they were and was afraid to put a foot wrong.

I spent most of the day working on a filing project, in which all the Accounts Payable paperwork is attached to the property-site files for which they were paid, first in order of site-number and then in order of check-number, which was pretty complicated; I found it a challenge and rather pleasant, better than plain old first-name-last-name filing that I'd been doing at my last filing job. And I was told that one only does this filing twice a month, when the AP goes out.

The day came to a close, and I'd done rather a load of work and was pretty tired, and headed back to my car and thought about going to the store on the way home. And while I was sitting there looking for a pen so I could call the Grandmother and get a shopping list, my temp agent called... a call I was expecting, since they always call to check on you after the first day of a new assignment.

But the news she gave me was a shock: the client didn't want me to come back. No reason, nothing I did or didn't do or did wrong, it was just a matter of my not being a "personality fit." Which is employerese for "We don't like you."

Not like me? How can anyone not like me? And how can they not like me after one day's acquaintance? And especially after I had gone through so much stress and preparation to make sure they'd like me? Granted, I wasn't a big ball of sunshine, nervous as I was about making a good first impression, but I was by no means offensive! What's not to like?

So there I sat with the rug pulled out from under me one more time (yes, try as I might to avoid it, I got my hopes up again), the disappointment surmounted by the bewildering knowledge that they just didn't like me.

They made me cry.

Well, I was driving, so I didn't let myself cry. But when I got home, I had a good old wail. I haven't cried like that (without watching a movie) for ages. It was kind of cathartic, but also kind of unpleasant. I mean, it's embarrassing to be reduced to tears by something so childish as hurt feelings.

And still, there's a pain in my chest, after a long night of poor sleep. My ego just can't take crap like this. Neither can my bank account... I was really counting on a long-term assignment, I really need a regular paycheck and I need it right now.

Besides, it's just so bewildering to not know exactly what they didn't like about me. I mean, if there had been some criticism, I could file it away under "well maybe they're right" and try to correct it or else under "they're morons" and dismiss it... but not knowing is truly upsetting me, there's nothing to do with the information but turn it over in my mind and cry over it.

Oh, well... as they say, whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Unless of course it weakens us so that the next thing that comes along does kill us. I think I'm going to take an extra Prozac this morning in the hopes that it will boost me out of this extra depression. I know I'm not supposed to take psych meds "as needed" but I've been forgetting to take them fairly frequently this last couple of weeks, so maybe that's why I'm getting so inordinately depressed... I've been thinking about suicide ever since I got home last night.

In the meantime, I think I will do some housework, keep my mind occupied for the day. I have some shelves I can put up in my room, and some laundry I can be doing. I shall endeavor to not let this day be a complete waste. ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3893-My-Feelings-Got-Hurt <![CDATA[Don't Stress Me Out!]]> http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3890-Don-t-Stress-Me-Out! Thu, 30 Nov 2006 04:03:10 GMT Okay, so I have this new assignment starting tomorrow, and from everything they've told me, it sounds dreamy... admin-assisting and front-office management with lots of word-processing at a big property-management firm in a highrise downtown, neckties and shiny shoes, more pay per hour, a six-month assignment that has a good chance of turning temp-to-hire. Jazzy, no?

Well, I didn't want to get too excited about it, or get my hopes up too high... because whenever I do, something terrible happens to yank the rug out from under me. So I just said to myself "take it one day at a time and don't let any expectations (or hopes, which are worse) grow."

I was doing OK at it, but my temp agent has called me every day this week to give me some new instruction or remind me not to do some frowned-upon thing that I've done at other assignments in the past.

And as a result, she's stressed me out to the point that I'm actually nervous about going in tomorrow. I don't like being nervous, especially when it causes me to lose sleep, thereby making it even more likely that I will make some terrible mistake that will bring the whole thing crashing down around my ears.

But I understand where she's coming from... this client isn't just their client, but also their landlord. And the agent I've been working with this week is new in her job, so she's probably feeling really nervous, too. I just wish she wouldn't take it out on me.

So tonight I am going to lay out my clothes and make sure they all match and look snazzy (charcoal slacks with a dull blue pinstripe, dull blue shirt, black v-neck sweater, black dress shoes, and a black blazer), then wash down some Advil PM with a cup of Sleepy-Time Extra herb tea to help make sure I get to sleep early enough, and shall slather my mug with the best moisturizer I have; and tomorrow I'm getting up early to groom and prepare to look and act my very best. I think I'll even do some sit-ups or something.

I have to take the bus in the morning, too, since there is absolutely nowhere to park downtown, so that will keep me from being tardy (one hopes).

So I'm kind of excited, and I'm terribly nervous. I mean, I really need this job right now. I'm so broke it's not funny (though being broke never is funny), I just overdrew my account yet again and have to borrow money from the Grandmother to pay the bank another packet of fees. Besides, a poverty-struck Christmas is not a happy place to be.

Either way, I'll let you know how it turns out.
_____________________________________________

Later addition - 10:28 PM:

Well, I got my outfit together, finally, then showed it to the Grandmother, who made a face. And I had to agree with her, the black sweater with the charcoal pants looked wrong... the taupe-ish cast of the charcoal assorted ill with the bluish cast of the sweater.

Then of course came the humiliation of wanting to wear a jacket, and almost all of my suit-jackets are too small for me. The black one in particular made me look perfectly horrid. So no blazer or jacket of any kind, I'll just have to wear my suede jacket to keep warm and just wear the sweater to the office... not as professional as one would like, but I don't have time to run down to the mall to buy a new blazer.

So if the charcoal pants are out, what about black pants? Well, the black pants and a black sweater was a little too too, if you know what I mean. So how about a plum sweater with the black pants to lighten it up? Even too-tooer. How about the plum sweater with the charcoal slacks? Now I look like an utter fairy. Okay, how about the light grey glen-plaid slacks with the black sweater and a sage shirt and tie? OK, now we're getting somewhere. It looks very nice.

Of course, half of it was wrinkled all to hell, and my black dress shoes were a mess. It took me forever to find the sweater (which was crumpled up under a pile of other sweaters), and another forever to find the black shoe-polish. Then I had to steam the sweater and slacks and then iron them, then polish the shoes.

After all that, I realized I had to clean Claudius's bowl, which he never likes, because I wouldn't have time in the morning. And now here I am all ready to go to bed, an hour later than I planned to be in bed. Oy gevalt!

After all this to-do, this job had better be spectacular. I mean cute guys in every office and a view from my desk. If they turn out to be a bunch of whackos and the job itself impossible, I'll be pissed. ]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3890-Don-t-Stress-Me-Out! Turtle Tragedy http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3844-Turtle-Tragedy Mon, 20 Nov 2006 02:18:07 GMT So I was cleaning out Claudius's and Agrippa's tank as I do every week... though I'm supposed to do it on Saturday, not Sunday... and all sorts of terrible things happened. For example, when I was washing the tank, I cracked one of the sides! Ack! Now I have to go buy a new tank, and I've only had this one for a month.

So I went on cleaning the rocks and the bathtub and getting everything neatened up, then went to look for something in which to house the turtles until I get a new tank. After a fairly thorough search through my basement and garage and kitchen, I ended up with an old glass mixing bowl. So I put a couple of rocks and a plant in it, figured out a way to rig the basking lamp so they wouldn't freeze, and set it back up in my room.

But when I started to move the turtles, I discovered that Agrippa had died.:cry:

She was always kind of lethargic, not a go-getter of a turtle by any means, but she would always at least move a paw or shake her head when I was moving her from one body of water to another. But I got no response today. I stroked her shell, prodded her limbs, held her in my hand to warm her blood, tempted her with krill turtle-treats... all to no avail.

It's possible that she's just sleeping rather than dead, so I put her in the travelling-tank (the little plastic box in which they came when I bought them) with some food and placed her under the basking lamp next to Claudius's bowl. But I am not optimistic. She just looks dead.

She also hasn't grown at all, which makes me think maybe she just starved. I thought since the food was disappearing, that they were both eating... but I never saw them doing it (they're very private, all I have to do is look at them for them to freeze up completely), I was just assuming. But once I had both of them out of the tank and sitting side-by-side in the sink, I could see that Claudius had grown quite a bit in the last two weeks, while Agrippa doesn't appear to have grown at all.

Actually, right now I'm watching Claudius eat... because of the curve of the bowl, he can't see me looking at him while he's underwater, and he just ate four pellets all by himself. So he'll probably survive.

If Agrippa doesn't wake up by tomorrow, I'm going to call Caroline over (she's become quite attached to the little critters, too) and we'll give her a decent burial in a jewelry box among the calla lilies under the birdbath in the back yard.

Poor little doomed thing. :cry:


That's Agrippa on the right, doing what she always does, and what I suppose she shall forevermore always do: lying perfectly still.:cry:
]]> Swellegant http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/3844-Turtle-Tragedy