http://www.justusboys.com/forum/blogs/215007-Shepherd-2 JustUsBoys Forum en Sat, 25 May 2013 23:32:05 GMT vBulletin 30 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.justusboys.com/forum/blogs/215007-Shepherd-2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7992-Take-Cell-Phones-Away-from-Drivers! Thu, 23 Feb 2012 21:49:18 GMT Last November, I was walking behind a parked car in a market parking lot. Just as I stepped behind the driver who was in an animated session on a... Last November, I was walking behind a parked car in a market parking lot. Just as I stepped behind the driver who was in an animated session on a cell phone, the said driver started the car and instantly started to back up. I was bumped to the ground with a bruise on my right thigh.

On the way to the ground I yelled "NO!" at the top of my lungs, and mercifully the driver was able to stop the car. Now if you thought this driver was going to turn off the car, help me to my feet and get me assistance, you are incorrect. Instead, while still in conversation on a cell phone, the said driver, looked back, and in what I interpreted as an accusatory tone, announced sharply, "I did not see you!" Then without a pause asked, "Are you OK?"

My response, in my opinion which was patently stupid, was to say, "I believe I am OK." Then before I could get a license plate number and state, or driver information, the said driver, left the scene making this a hit and run. Sadly, the store videos were no help. For six weeks I was hurt and hobbled. Then my doctor happened onto a prescription for a diuretic. It helped and I am much better.

Nothing was apparently fractured. My pains are now behind me in time. But my unease about walking in any parking lot is near the paranoid level. I walk between the front end of the cars when possible. I have lost a considerable amount of self confidence.

Just when things go well for a while, along comes another event like this one, and as always, it is important to learn from such experiences. Two things come to mind. I have learned caution with focus in the moment. And I have learned that should anyone ask me such an important question in the future, I want them to call 911 on their cell phone, so police have the much needed information. Also, I pray for safety in unfamiliar as well as most familiar circumstances.

I will come through this, and I am glad to be doing as well as I am.
Bumped and Bruised Shep+:##::##:(*S*):croynan: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7992-Take-Cell-Phones-Away-from-Drivers! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7961-Laying-Down-at-Death-s-Door Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:54:53 GMT About sixty days ago, I learned again, that when life serves you lemons, you better know how to make lemon aide. It was not an easy lesson. On... About sixty days ago, I learned again, that when life serves you lemons, you better know how to make lemon aide. It was not an easy lesson. On Tuesday November 22nd, I was on my way to see my doctor for an appointment, routine it was to be.
So I did what I always do in the morning, I went shopping for a couple of newspapers, and on that morning, it would help me while waiting for my appointment in the doctor's office.

It was two days before Thanksgiving, and I had to park about thirty-five spaces from a front door. I walked my usual cautious way toward the door. Even though I saw a driver on a cell phone sitting in the driver seat of a car, I decided it was safe to walk behind that vehicle. The instant I set my foot down in back of the rear bumper, the ignition came on and the car was put in reverse gear as the white lights indicated. The motion rammed into my right thigh, and I was slammed to the ground. Mercifully I screamed LOUDLY, "NO!" It was enough to cause the driver to stop.

I struggled to drag my body out of harms way, and the driver noticed me, and with the cell phone still in hand called back to me an observation, "I did not see you." Then with tactic concern asked, "Are you OK?"

Stupidly, I said in response, "I think I am." With that it must have been a sound of dismissal, for away the driver drove, not even stopping to assist me to my feet or to call 911. If the driver had backed over my body and legs, I would have died right there in the market parking lot. I really wanted to survive, but I learned a lesson that day.

No I did not get a licence plate number. No I did not get the driver's name, address, phone and insurance information. What I got was a message about a more direct response for me, if it would ever happen again. I will say, "Call 911, and stop and help me up."

Two months later, with no broken bones, I am finally feeling a lot better and the pain is gone. Yes we looked at parking lot videos with the stores management. Yes, no one has ever checked back with the store. I am fortunate, and I promise it is important to learn from every experience, even near death experiences.

My partner has said that I have nine lives. To my knowledge, I can count about three that I know about. Enough is enough. I will try to do better. Yes, I will try to make lemon aide.
Shep+#-o#-o#-o:rolleyes: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7961-Laying-Down-at-Death-s-Door http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7684-Learning-to-Live-with-Uncertainty Mon, 11 Apr 2011 23:45:56 GMT One old saying I never much liked, but it was a sobering thought. It is nothing is certain in life but death and taxes. Actually, I am learning... One old saying I never much liked, but it was a sobering thought. It is nothing is certain in life but death and taxes. Actually, I am learning that it is the unexpected deaths that catch me up short. The ones that hurt the most are those of children, especially those I have known well.

Living into this present time, I am having a lot of lessons. Could it be that God sees me as a sort of slow learner, or is it that the lessons are now more certain, for I am standing always closer to the end of life than its beginnings. In a way that is true for all of us. One thing that keeps me smiling, is that my libido is just as strong as ever. My desire and appreciation for deep and passionate love making is just as deep now as it ever has been. I hope that good news cheers you a bit to read it as it does me to be able to say it.

Chin up fellow JUBBERS, life is for living. You live it well, and my wish is some happiness for all of you.
Shep+ (!)(!)(!):D:D:D:-({|=:sex::sex::sex::p..| ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7684-Learning-to-Live-with-Uncertainty http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7681-Death-of-My-Horse-Old-Horney Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:01:11 GMT Nearly a month has passed since the day we had to put Old Horney down. It was a Wednesday morning. I was so distraught, and it has been exceedingly... Nearly a month has passed since the day we had to put Old Horney down. It was a Wednesday morning. I was so distraught, and it has been exceedingly tough to not cry every day. He was a dependable and much loved stead, and we were close friends for twenty-two years. He was an Andalusian and had a wonderful temprement.

He loved to be brushed each and every morning after getting his amount of oats and fresh clover hay. This time of touching meant that we became very attached to each other. I would liken it to being lovers. We knew and trusted each other well. I loved our years together and will always miss him terribly.

All together he was 26 years old. Together we rode one mountain trail or another on thousands of occasions. His love of adventure matched mine, and together those were mostly times of sweet solitude. He seemed to love to have me talk to him. The good news to my knowledge he never told another my personal secrets. What I said when with Old Horney, stayed with him.

We also read each other like an old familiar book. He always seemed to know if I was having sexual thoughts. In response he would not uncommonly get randy himself. Part of it that I never fully understood, he always seemed to want to lick the fly of my jeans causing me to spring a woody and show his own prodigeous cock. Was my horse gay? Or was he simply horny too?

Finally, a secret of mine. I loved to ride him bareback (not sexual or without a condom) but without a saddle, and he always seemed to like that as well, and mostly wanted to run with me on his back. My partner suggests that maybe he was ashamed of my nakedness. My memories are so precious. It is hard to believe he could really be gone. But I am so grateful for his twenty-two years of friendship. I miss him terribly. Yes I did have him cremated, and his cremains are where I can visit each and every day.
Shep+(*8*):kiss:..|:cry::-({|= ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7681-Death-of-My-Horse-Old-Horney http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7586-Farewell-Old-Lang-Syne-2010 Sat, 01 Jan 2011 02:51:06 GMT No, I am tired of looking back. Seventy years is a lot of looking. Frankly, 2010 sucked. Forget the stupid Tea Party and the Republicans, I had... No, I am tired of looking back. Seventy years is a lot of looking. Frankly, 2010 sucked. Forget the stupid Tea Party and the Republicans, I had my own shit going on. But on this December 31st I saw a tabloid headline that made me smile a lot. It read: "Sarah Palin's Big Secret, She is a Lesbian."

For me personally 2010 was almost as big a change as was 2009 when I had a cochlear implant, and now hear for these past 21 months. This year in April I had cataract surgery in both eyes and new lenses implanted. For the first time in memory I see without the need for glasses. I still swipe my head to remove them from time to time. Nearly seventy years one can accumulate some quirky habits.

After falling all around in 2009, I did keep my feet in 2010. But I had some general symptoms of the aging process that I do not like. One thing is really good. I think I am hornier than ever. Too bad for my partner of twenth-seven, soon to be twenty-eight years. He has to keep on putting out for me, and I, of course, am thrilled to do the same for him.

Two of my closest friends are now ninety-six. Both men are gay. So maybe longevity is the lot of some of us. I wonder if the president's letter on number 100 is going to be, "Happy Birthday to a Gay Centenarian!"

Whatever is in store, I am ready to look ahead into the future. I am fond of telling others I am living on borrowed time, and God willing, I am ready to borrow quite a few more years. Looking back is so full of things to remember, it is no wonder we have so much trouble remembering things at times. No let's look forward. I wonder what surprises are in store in 2011.

Shep+ ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7586-Farewell-Old-Lang-Syne-2010 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7461-Why-Post-So-Much Mon, 27 Sep 2010 20:28:02 GMT Today I was reading a post by Dynk, who has been here for a number of years, and is clearly our most prolific poster here at JUB. What struck me, is... Today I was reading a post by Dynk, who has been here for a number of years, and is clearly our most prolific poster here at JUB. What struck me, is that he has apparently had some nasty feedback from other JUBbers about his many posts. I was a bit discouraged when I read this, for I know it can be so. Perhaps if he does indeed either change his username or have his high post count changed, I will be further disapponted.

Giving in to the constant criticism is a real temptation, and I can understand that. But the criticism itself is indeed unfortunate. He is now approaching 300,000 posts. I for one hope it is never topped. It is a remarkable feat, and has required his posting in excess of 150 posts each and every day he has been on JUB. When another JUBber asked me if I thought anyone would ever surpass that number I replied, indeed, I believed it would happen.

None of that will take away from the considerable accomplishment that Paul has made here as Dynk, and his high post count. He has done it all before he turned sixty years of age. His decision whatever it may be will not change the historic fact. For some time to come he will be our highest poster. I salute him for setting his mark so high.

Paul, I wish you well in your future here at JUB. I will always look for your inimitable posting style, for my guess will be that it will not change because of a change in username or a change in persona. Thanks.

Your JUB friend,
Shep+:kiss::kiss::kiss::wave: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7461-Why-Post-So-Much http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7384-Enduring-Times-of-Separation-for-Longterm-Partners Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:20:30 GMT Well it is that time of year again where my partner Don goes off to spend time with his family in August. I am really not very good about both his... Well it is that time of year again where my partner Don goes off to spend time with his family in August. I am really not very good about both his going, and how I handle it. Have any of you had this experience and do you care to comment on this. If you wish to send a PM, I would gladly receive it.

Don is aware that separation times are rough for me, and I suspect they are rougher for him that he usually says. One, I know his children and former wife, are not as forgiving as mine, nor are they happy to see his visits. He does not yet have grandchildren, so I imagine the visits seem more intrusive to his extended family.

So how do I explain my depressing experience when he leaves. Clearly it is not being driven by fear that he will not return, for he has done that consistently for twenty-six years. For me it is about my intense need for daily times of intimacy when we are together. My guess is, although he is happy for them, he does not seem to need them libidinally as much as I do. One week for me, has the feeling of three or four weeks while he travels.

To help, he does call me and talk at least twice a day. Always glad to hear his voice, when he hangs up the phone, I usually feel deeply sad. And no I do not tell him this, but after all these years I believe he is intuitively aware of it. He verbalizes this by saying, "Your voice sounds down today."
My reply is most often, "I can't wait until you are home again."

When he does come home, I am a bit of a clinging vine. I want him with me every moment, and my need for almost instant sexual intimacy means, he is engaged with me even before his suitcase is unpacked. Afterwards, I usually have his favorite dinner prepared by me for him.

As I observe him, he seems to be experiencing it quite differently. When we talk about it, he focuses on other things. That is to say he changes the subject. He becomes silent. I respect his need to pull back, but I supress the need to understand, and after a few days home, we are back in sync. I love him so much, and I believe with all my heart that he loves me just as deeply.

So at moments like this I begin to anticipate the next time he will be away from home for a week, and get sad, and then I simply convince myself to leave it all until it is close to the time for his visit to his children. I do not go with him, for his family are adamant that they do not want me around. Period, end of sentence.

Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. Twenty-six years, and I just cannot seem to get out of the pain cycle when he is gone for a week.

Shep+:cry::dead::slap: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7384-Enduring-Times-of-Separation-for-Longterm-Partners http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7377-Gay-Sex-Life-after-Seventy Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:36:57 GMT *My JUBber brothers and sisters,* I have good news for you, there is just as much sexual drive available to most of us after age seventy as there was... My JUBber brothers and sisters, I have good news for you, there is just as much sexual drive available to most of us after age seventy as there was before. I am now into my eight day of borrowed time, and I am just as horny as ever. That does seem to please my partner, who is just a young man of sixty-three and not interested in hanging up his spurs just yet.

This is not one of those good news, bad news stories, for so far it has been just the best. After my recent birthday, my partner and I were more than ready to get back to our usual routines as a gay couple. May it continue for as long as God gives us both breath. Horny is the way to be, and man, grab life by the balls and hold on.

Love to you!
Shep+:sex:*|*:kiss:(*8*) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7377-Gay-Sex-Life-after-Seventy http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7373-Three-Years-at-JUB-Seventy-Years-Old Thu, 22 Jul 2010 00:32:45 GMT Good evening my Jub buddies and fellow wankers. This is no the sixth day for me living on borrowed time. I am grateful for the extra time, and I... Good evening my Jub buddies and fellow wankers. This is no the sixth day for me living on borrowed time. I am grateful for the extra time, and I promise to try to make it interesting for me and hopefully also interesting for others.

Celebrating my birthday for four days just recently was a first. First there was the midnight wakening by my partner of twenty-six years, and was already down on my cock giving me the usual great head. First thing I knew is that at this advanced age, it was reassuring to not only realize that all my equipment was still working, but I was enjoying it as usual. Second, it was a joy to know that Don was ready to stay the course for who knows how long into our future.

His gift to me was a hot air balloon ride we will take together sometime between September 1 and November 1. This is virtually a dream come true for me. To say I am delighted is an understatement. For now we are studying a place to go up that I will truly enjoy the most. It will be for an hour or so, but my how I wish it could truly be around the world in eighty days.

Mid afternoon, the door bell rang, and when I answered it there were fireworks, and at first, I thought, "Oh shit, I've been shot. Seventy and out." But when I focused and looked it was my daughter and one of my grandsons come to celebrate with me. I was in a state of shock. Due to my son-in-laws work schedule, it was just the four of us for an evening of dining, and coming back to the house where I took my grandson for a couple of horseback rides. He loved it. So did I.

Lunch time on day two, we were joined by my youngest son and his wife, who have no children as yet. This time we had a backyard party and a surprise birthday cake. This was now about the fifth or sixth time I was serenaded with Happy Birthday. It was a fun evening.

Mid afternoon of day three we were joined by my oldest son, his wife and two grandchildren. Again there were horseback rides. Some hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Finally we feasted yet again with steaks. Then we all jumped in the pool to cool off, and spend the night chatting.

When Sunday rolled around, the house guests began to say their farewells after breakfast, and by mid afternoon, Don and I were both in our birthday suits around the house and putting the icing so to speak on my big birthday. Sleep came easily for I was rather exhausted. What a great birthday. It was made extra special for while we turned the house over to the children at night on days one, two and three, we went to a favorite motel were Don and I celebrated into the night. But day four we crashed and slept like babies.

Turning seventy has been a blast. Part of the joy of this journey was getting here. And I made my personal goal of having posted over seventy thousand posts before my seventieth birthday here at JUB, in fact it was in excess of eighty-five thousand posts. Yes, there is a nice smile on my face.

The legendary,
Shep+:-({|=..|:rolleyes: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7373-Three-Years-at-JUB-Seventy-Years-Old http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7334-Finally-After-My-Last-Eye-Surgery-20-20! Thu, 01 Jul 2010 02:07:24 GMT Today, I got my final report from my eye surgeon. I am seeing 20/20 to read. I am finally getting rather accustomed to posting here now without... Today, I got my final report from my eye surgeon. I am seeing 20/20 to read. I am finally getting rather accustomed to posting here now without reading glasses. Occasionally, I still reach up to remove them when I am not reading. It amuses me how forgetful I can be.

However, my far vision is still not quite right, and so I will need to wear glasses when I drive at night, and for a few other things. I can do it. Thanks for so many of you feeding back to me your concern and kindly thoughts. It has been a great help.

Love to you all!
Shep+..|(!):rolleyes: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7334-Finally-After-My-Last-Eye-Surgery-20-20! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7235-Having-to-Wait Sat, 22 May 2010 21:32:45 GMT Yesterday, I got word that I have formed a secondary cataract in my right eye. You may remember that I just had surgery in that eye on April 15. I... Yesterday, I got word that I have formed a secondary cataract in my right eye. You may remember that I just had surgery in that eye on April 15. I am told it is a minor thing and is not uncommon, but I was not ready for a set back, nor do I do waiting well of any kind.

In early June, I am to have a procedure again on the right eye, and it is simple I am told. I am ready to get on with things. I can be just as impatient as the next man. But I will make it. Needless to say, it bothers me that I could still end up having to wear glasses to read again. I enjoy no glasses.

Just a small speed bump here in the twilight years of my life.
I will be fine, but I did want to update my recent happenings.
"C'est la vie!"
Shep+(!)(!)(!)(!)(!) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7235-Having-to-Wait http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7210-Celebrating-Seeing-and-Hearing! Fri, 14 May 2010 00:45:24 GMT How blessed can one person be. Last spring I was the recipient of a cochlear implant which allows me to hear some. And after nearly nine years of... How blessed can one person be. Last spring I was the recipient of a cochlear implant which allows me to hear some. And after nearly nine years of being deaf, it was a life changing event. I am still adjusting, but I know I can count on hearing the voices of my three grandchildren. I love them, and the sound of their voices is music to my heart.

Mid-summer of last year, I fell while working in my garden. It was scary and disheartening. At first I had thought I might have lost entirely my right eye. I ruptured several blood vessels in that eye, and I was unable to see much most of the summer. Slowly over the winter, the cataracts in the eye solidified, and I was pretty much blind in that eye.

When I had my eye examination as a followup, in March, my doctor diagnosed the problem as cataracts, and urged me to get surgery as soon as possible. I did that and had two surgeries on successive weeks, the first April 15th and the second on April 22nd. On April 23, my opthalmologist said I was apparently seeing 20/20. He was surprised, and I was shocked. How could that be.

The surgeries removed my natural lens and the cataracts. In their place new man made lens were inserted in a micro surgery and the impact was immediate. For the first time since I was seven years old, I see without the aid of glasses. I still reach up to take them off when I shower, or prepare to go to bed at night. How blessed can one person be. So many changes in the period of just one year.

Thanks to so many JUBbers who have been so personally encouraging and patient with me. It was a blessing too to have those well wishes. I hope good health goes with me in all my years.

Your JUB buddy,
Shep+(!):rolleyes::-({|=:wave: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7210-Celebrating-Seeing-and-Hearing! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7063-Journey-to-Seventy-Second-Thoughts Wed, 10 Feb 2010 23:09:14 GMT It was a year ago today, that the date was finally set for me to have a cochlear implant in March. So it has been one year in that process back into... It was a year ago today, that the date was finally set for me to have a cochlear implant in March. So it has been one year in that process back into life as a person who has some ability again to hear. At the time I had mixed emotions. I certainly did not look forward to surgery. I had fallen in January, and had to be cleared of any possible concussion.

March came in like a lion weatherwise, and I was able to get the surgery completed on schedule. I had many ideas about many things, and now a year later I will reflect on the experience and so many ideas that have been tested. First fact of importance was that the surgery was technically and medically a success. In time I was able to find that with some adjustment to the technology I was able to hear both my grandsons for the first time.

Probably, they wondered why that was such a big deal for me, and why I was so weepy and emotional a lot of the time. Personally, I did not take into account the pain of the hearing loss ten years ago, and the emotional scars that I still bear. I had become and was a deaf man for nearly ten years. I had adjusted and was pretty happy.

My second experience was how much the new experience had changed my life. The down side for me was the loss of my times of inner solitude aided by my total deafness. I had come to treasure them, and now my life was prone to intrusive sounds and invasion of my inner privacy and to some extent sense of well being. Add to that the sound of car horns and tractor and trailers on the highway when I drive.

This was compounded quickly by the rising expectations my partner and others had of me. Nothing could have or did prepare me for some of the stress and even depression I would have to cope and live through until I had made more adjustments. Yes, I also added stress to myself during this time, feeling often that I was not and could not measure up to my own expectations. Yet all around me people affirmed me.

So I made a decision to try to get my mind wrapped around the bigger picture. Thus I have waited this year to write a blog about the experience. At the same time I was coping with two other transitions in my health. One change was my tendency to fall and injure my head now with technology which does not allow many forms of testing. Was the transplant such a good idea for a man my age? Now sixty-nine and soon to be seventy, I have had some anxiety about aging.

A second change has been in this year of the implant, my new hearing has declined to a point that I seemed to need constant adjustments to the equipment. Was I going totally deaf again, for I have always known that there is no new surgery if that happens.

How was all this going to influence my relationship with my partner Don? On top of it, he recently on December 31 or 2009retired and is not longer working outside our home except for volunteering. Was he going to hover over me? Was he going to treat me like an invalid? Indeed was he perhaps having second thoughts about the relationship itself? By now I know we are still in a good place.

What the future writes for me, I will have to wait and live it day by day. Much is so good. Our loving relationship is strong.
Our love making has so many healing qualities itself. We both love to make love, and we are both quite active in doing so.
Again, I feel so unworthy to have had at my side a husband who continues to stick with me through thick and thin. As I keyboard this thought I weep quietly with happiness. And you know I wish it will always be so. I promise to be his faithful husband too. So help me God.

Life is a wonderful journey. I will continue to look forward to the days, months, years, or even decades ahead. Amazement fills me at the wonder of how my sexual being is still so active and well. All the old farts who sent out verbal messages of a disabled sex life, well, they were wrong at least for now. I am delighted about that.

Jokingly, I have always referred to life past seventy as living on borrowed time. Truth is, it is pretty much as I see it now like the life that came before. I am so thankful for so much.

If you choose to read this long update, please know I am well, and hope you too will be well. I love being at JUB, and thanks for making feel at home here.
With hope, joy and peace in my heart,
Shep+:kiss:..| ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/7063-Journey-to-Seventy-Second-Thoughts http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6891-Fighting-a-Season-of-Failing-Health Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:28:29 GMT This part of my journey sucks, in fact, I dread it. Recently I was diagnosed with an ideopathic pulmanery infection. Of course I was worried about... This part of my journey sucks, in fact, I dread it. Recently I was diagnosed with an ideopathic pulmanery infection. Of course I was worried about HINI, but instead this appears to be worse yet, for it is an unknown factor. The methods of diagnosis are invasive and quite uncomfortable.

Realistically, I am now approaching seventy years of age, so I might reasonably expect a bump in the road from time to time, but this has thrown me for a loop. I do seem to be recovering, but what is the cause or even how to treat it seems out of reach at the moment for my doctors. In fact, my emergency room visit was a visit to a "house of horrors" and I want to sue the people who call what they did medical care.

Then the bills are an indication that indeed our American Health Care System can not be over hauled one day too soon.
For now I am hopeful about the progress, but it is slow. Meanwhile I am weak, not horny. I am a sorry ass, rather then anxious to bed down with my partner. It is very humbling. Some of you may think my road in life has been a piece of cake, and I am one to speak of the good times, and clearly these are not those times. I posted this blog to get some frustration off my chest, and to admit I had to make my partner anxious. I just want to feel better and soon.

Shep+](*,) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6891-Fighting-a-Season-of-Failing-Health http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6719-My-Journey-to-Sixty-Nine-Years Mon, 20 Jul 2009 20:14:02 GMT Actually, and humbly, I never expected to live this long. This was especially true after my terrible car accident in 2000 and the verdict then, that... Actually, and humbly, I never expected to live this long. This was especially true after my terrible car accident in 2000 and the verdict then, that I was likely to be a quadraplegic who would be confined to a wheel chair. And in the aftermath I spent nine years as a deaf man.

Birth to age 12 was one of sexual innocence. I was like anyother boy, but living one day at a time trying to learn what this life was all about. The death of my oldest brother and the illness of my mother were the negative events of that time, while the wonderful world that one saw on a cloudy day with the clouds skittering across the sky, or the beauty of a sunset and the awe of many rainbows, and the presence of my only sister were the great rewards.

My early teen years were horrible. From age 12 through 16 I was in the clutches of a determined pedophile. He pretty much abused me weekly or whenever he could get to my place. This was a time of great darkness and depression only heightened
the fear my predator cousin instilled in me if I told anyone.

From 16 onward, I was released from his clutches, and I lost myself in a world of highschool atheletics. A good athlete and a lover of sports games a good place to focus my energy and my anger, I excelled. In time I began to date and enjoy the company of a couple of girls. But my five male friends were the dominant people at that time.

Following graduation from highschool, I entered my college years. It was a journey from depression into adult life. I was a good student, and I majored in philosophy and languages.
Following college, I taught public school for three years, French and political science. At age 25 I experience a call to ordained ministry and then went to Yale University.

While in seminary, I met my wife, and we married and had a relatonship for the next twenty some years. I worked in sevral states and finally had a marriage which failed as I seemed to drift into a sexual twilight zone.

With my divorce came the opportunity to start anew. Don my partner and whom I know professionally for a number of years, decided to date me and get to know me. After seven months we agreed to be partners and formally took our own vows to each other.

Finally I realized in this period of time that I really am a gay man. With it came new energy and a very active sexual life with my partner which now extends over 23 years. This month I turned age 69. I like it, and it fits me well. And all those years seem like just a few days now that it is past.

I hope I am up to the challenges ahead. Today, my doctor said, I am pretty good in terms of health, and to keep on doing the things that make me do well. Of course this year's big event is just being sixty-nine, and second to it is hearing again after a cochlear transplant. My two grandsons seem not to have any memory of my deafness. I love the sound of their voices and enjoy visiting them as well.

Life is for living, and I hope to have a good one as long as it lasts. C'est la vie!

Shep+:kiss::wave: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6719-My-Journey-to-Sixty-Nine-Years http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6563-Journey-through-a-Time-of-Adjustments Sat, 11 Apr 2009 19:02:41 GMT Whatever I thought going in to this time of making several adjustments after my cochlear implant, I have learned a lot more since March the 11th, the... Whatever I thought going in to this time of making several adjustments after my cochlear implant, I have learned a lot more since March the 11th, the activation date. The adjustments to the external equipment of my implant are complete.

What I am learning is that there are a lot of other adjustments to my implant. Now that I hear again, so to speak, there is the business of adjusting to all the environments I am in, like home, outdoors, work, highway, all the electronic noise making equipment from televisions, cell phones, background conversations, speakers on my computer, and most importantly the voices of my partner, my grandchildren and just about anyone else with whom I relate in this new way.

At first it was overwhelming. And the consequence was a series of pretty much sleepless nights. There has been the adjustments within my relationship with my partner. Let me be quick to add he has been far more patient, than I believe I could ever be. And then there is the adjustments to my own expectations and needs.

After nine years of deafness, I had come to treasure some of my silence, the solitude and times alone for reflection. I went with a mentor friend on a short walk along some of the Appalachian Trail, and it was an experiment. I wanted to stay for a long time and became rather emotional. I am leaning how to adjust what I do to take care of my personal need for down times and quiet times.

I know I will make it, but I seem to tire at times far too quickly. I am not saying this in a way of complaint. For I do not regret the opportunity to hear at all. In fact, I am still a basket case when I visit or am visiting with my grandsons. Popi cry? Popi cry? says my oldest grandson. While the youngest apparently thinks he can fix me up with many and continuous kisses.

I am not alone, and for that I am eternally grateful. A good partner is essential for times like this. It has been adjustment for me to be at JUB on the forums like I was before the implant. But I am aware that things are settling in, and although it is slow to me, progress is being made, daily, weekly and within the past month.

Somehow, I did not choose to listen when my mentors on this implant advised and helped me. I thought it would be easy for me, instead I am challenged. I thought the adjustments would be minimal, instead they have been widespread in all that I do.
There is adjustment still to be made, and with a little help, I will one day soon feel like my life has settled back into a more familiar pattern. If you read this thanks. If it can help anyone else, I would be pleased and grateful.

Shep+:croynan::zzz::luv2: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6563-Journey-through-a-Time-of-Adjustments http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6509-SHEP-HEARS! Thu, 12 Mar 2009 00:07:04 GMT My dear JUB buddies, the journey has brought me back to the hearing abled. It is not perfect, and it might never be, but today has been a banner... My dear JUB buddies, the journey has brought me back to the hearing abled. It is not perfect, and it might never be, but today has been a banner day, this Wednesday, the eleventh of March in 2009. Words can not possibly contain the happiness hearing my oldest grandson this afternoon, or to see the face of my partner when we both realized that the cochlear implant is working just fine.

My doctor and his staff seems as delighted as I was, and maybe even relieved that I was not disappointed. I will describe the external parts. There are three parts, the piece behing the ear has two parts, a processor with a microphone attached, and on the back rear base of my skull is a magnet that is part of the connection to the inner where the implant is located.

Internally is a long fishhooked shaped piece that is situated within the ear close to where the original cochlea is located.
This has allowed me, after some tweaking today, called programming to have the ability to receive and identify some sounds.

Those first sounds were my partner passionately hugging, embracing and telling me what I already knew but had not heard audibly since July 3, 2000. He loves me. I wept. After I calmed down, I made the most important call on his cell phone that I have ever made. I called my oldest grandson who will be two years old this Saturday. On the speaker phone he was told it was me calling.

He responded by saying, "Hi Popi! I love you Popi!" I wept without any control. He wept with me, and simply replied, "Why Popi cry?" The satisfaction and emotions poured from me. Then we made an appointment for next week when I will have some more programming done. It is expected that by then my implant and my body will be well on their way to working well together. I haven't tried music yet, or even television. I was so exhausted that I napped for an hour and a half.

About forty minutes ago, I called my daughter and my youngest or other grandson, and when he was put on the phone, (at age eighteen months) he announced himself, "Hi Popi!" When I responded and said, "Popi loves you." He clapped his hands gleefully. Again I wept. On one day I heard both of these young men's voices for the very first time. It was truly a miracle. My heart is full.

Now I have shared this good news with many of you and many who PMed me will be getting a personal message back from me. I am so happy to share this with you. In time I expect I will be able to watch videos here and hear sound tracks. I will be able to enjoy the music you put here and hear the lyrics sung to the new tunes. A lot has been added since 2000.

Shep+ hears! (!w!):corn::slap: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6509-SHEP-HEARS! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6505-My-Journey-to-Hearing Mon, 09 Mar 2009 00:58:49 GMT *My JUB friends* I am delighted to have so many of you aware and rooting for the success of my cochlear implant. My deafness has been a challenging... My JUB friends I am delighted to have so many of you aware and rooting for the success of my cochlear implant. My deafness has been a challenging journey for the last nine years, and it may be over soon, at least in part.

In three days my implant wll be activated. The surgery to implant the maget and other stuff was complete three weeks ago this Thursday. My healing on the head has gone nicely and the hair that was shaved off has pretty much grown back in.

During this time I have three different coaches or mentors who have had the surgery at some time in the recent past. It was great to have them in my home to visit and guide me in this time. Right now there are more questions than answers, and I am led to believe at least for a couple of weeks that will be true beyond Wednesday. At the very least it will take time for the implant and my body to learn to work in sync.

For a while I was more concerned about what it would mean at night and for my sleep patterns. Then I thought about those loud and intrusive noises such as barking dogs and fighting neighbors. Just in the last day or two I have had some fresh thoughts.

Mostly these thoughts have been about what I have thought of until now as a lose of hearing. What I realize today is that I lost much more than hearing. It has affected all of my relationships for better or for worse. I now believe it is those waking sounds that will be most important and I imagine I will have some adjustment for now I may be gaining something in all of my relationships. That is such a blessing.

Finally, thanks for all the well wishing I have received from so many of you. This has been very reassuring and I am deeply grateful for your kindness. I can't help but wonder what it will be like to go on JUB and at last hear something. Wow.
The man who would hear again, God willing!
Shep+:shamrock:rb::wow:(!w!) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6505-My-Journey-to-Hearing http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6474-Implant-In-Place Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:49:41 GMT Yesterday, I returned home about 10:30 in the evening from my day of out patient surgery. My cochlear implant is in place. All went well according... Yesterday, I returned home about 10:30 in the evening from my day of out patient surgery. My cochlear implant is in place.
All went well according to my physicians, and OR staff. They are optomistic that I will in fact hear or have auditory stimulation in a significant way when activation occurs. It is tentatively scheduled for March 11, in the morning.

I cam home after some recovery time, most of it needed to finish passing through the side effects of the anesthesia, which was a general anesthesia. I had some dizziness and a bit of quesiness afterwards.

I slept fairly well because I was totally spent. The most difficult post surgery piece is the cap or cover of my ear for the first two days. My doctor here will remove it tomorrow. Then I will need to wait for the healing of the surgery to take place, as well as for the sweeling to go down.

It helped that I sleep on my left side and the cap was on the up side of my head. I did not have some of the discomfort that others have told me about.

My JUB brothers and sisters it will now be nineteen days until I will know the "rest of the story." Waiting is not something I do well, so I hope I do not dwell on it here. I promise I will try to be brave about it and not a nuisance.

Relieved is how I feel and still optomistic. I will keep you posted if things change. Of course after activation, I expect and hope to be able to receive lingual messages from others as well as phone calls. How good it will be and how much remains a mystery.

I know I will make it now, and I am at peace. Thanks so many for kind words and encouragement, for I cannot begin to tell you how important that has been here at home and on line here at JUB. Thanks.

Shep+(w!):didisay:#:>*wave*:luv2: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6474-Implant-In-Place http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6471-Cochlear-Implant-Surgery-About-2-Hours! Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:24:04 GMT Alright, alright already, I am about as giddy as I have ever been. I am getting in the car to be transported to the hospital, and then at three this... Alright, alright already, I am about as giddy as I have ever been. I am getting in the car to be transported to the hospital, and then at three this afternoon or there abouts, I will have anesthesia, and then implant surgery.

After a short (I hope recovery room experience) the doctor will send me home (I hope) with instructions. It is possible I will have some idea about whether I will hear at all or not. I DO HOPE I WILL.

Thanks everyone for the emotional and encouragement support you have given to me. We shall hear what we shall hear. Farewell for now. LOVE.
Shep+:luv2:(!)(!)(!) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6471-Cochlear-Implant-Surgery-About-2-Hours! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6468-Long-Journey-to-Hearing Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:17:32 GMT After I lost my hearing following an auto accident in 2000, I never gave much thought to hearing again. It is was enough just to make it through... After I lost my hearing following an auto accident in 2000, I never gave much thought to hearing again. It is was enough just to make it through another day and dealilng with the issues deafness posed and the changes which at first all felt like loses.

Last Fall I began the process toward the possibility of hearing again when my doctors said I was a good candidate for a successful cochlear transplant surgery. Ever since I have laid awake some nights wondering what it might be like.

Since 2000 I have not heard my partner Don's voice. Yes he made sure I knew how much he loves me, but I have yearned to hear him again and what he says.

Then in 2007 my two grandsons were born. I have never heard what they sound like, but now I can see how much they love their Popi, and I yearn so deeply just to talk with them and to hear their voices. I am told they have much to say to me, but they depend on my reading lips. Both have learned some sign language, but I prefer not to do that.

Finally the pre-surgery work was put in place and I began what has led up to tomorrow (February 19th's cochlear surgery.)
By evening I will probably have some idea whether I will hear at all, but it is not clear what that will be like.

If I said I was not concerned or anxious I would not be telling the truth. The worst is what if I do not hear, yet I know that I can live just as I am, but damn it I want to hear again. At the same time, I hope I can peacefully meet the expectations, my own and that of others, in the days to come.

It is exhausting remaining hopeful, and peaceful all at once. Everyone around me mirrors back my excitement of what might be, and I do want that. It is the unknown that gets me down at times, and soon, I will know. May I have the grace to accept the things I cannot change. Thanks to so many who have been nice to me on JUB.

So I close now in hope, hope that I will hear again, hope that I will bring joy to my grandsons, hope that I will make a better partner for Don, hope that I will make other changes that this will cause with finese, and hope that I will be yet a better person through all of this.

May this be my last deaf day.
Shep+..|:=D::-) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6468-Long-Journey-to-Hearing http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6161-Journey-to-Reconciliation Sun, 31 Aug 2008 21:42:01 GMT When last I wrote a blog, I said that I would post when there was some break through from my act of infidelity in June when I had attended a class... When last I wrote a blog, I said that I would post when there was some break through from my act of infidelity in June when I had attended a class reunion (my 50th) and was unfaithful to my partner of twenty years. I was in a deep personal quandry about how to move past the impass and the personal pain I knew this would cause my partner, Don and my personal pain for being so stupid and self centered. Truly I had acted out of my "dick brain." Some say this is an example of thinking with the neanderthal brain stem. However one says, I am a complete asshole for doing what I did. No amount of sexual pleasure can ever justify my indiscretion.

So yestereday, I had a nice dinner which I prepared for Don, and I told him what I had done, and by agreement he waited until I had finished my commentary on the terrible night in question. And my last action was to tell him how stupid I had been and to beg his forgiveness.

Don, told me in no uncertain terms that he was disappointed in my actions and that he expected that it must never happen again. Then he moved to forgive me by standing and taking me into his arms and holding me in a bear hug for what seemed an eternity. I was so distraught and happy and relieved at the same time that I was limp in his arms.

Forgiveness is not a relationship process that anyone ever deserves, and clearly I do not deserve to be forgiven. But let me assure you with every ounce of my being I am very grateful. Now it rests with me to make sure that I keep my promise to him to be faithful. God help me.

Relief is what I feel, and I shall look forward to whatever fallout in your comments I may get. I am both embarassed that this ever happened, and I will give it my best efort to live the vow I have taken.

Many of liffe's journeys have an uplift and a down turn. This one has finally been resolved and I am glad. This is truly a story for a Sunday, and it was written to you on a Sunday in August.
Shep+ :kiss: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6161-Journey-to-Reconciliation http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6130-Journey-to-Infidelity-for-Shep Tue, 19 Aug 2008 02:28:12 GMT Fellow JUBbers it is time for me to confess that I have been unfaithful to my partner of twenty years, and I am embarassed and emotionally... Fellow JUBbers it is time for me to confess that I have been unfaithful to my partner of twenty years, and I am embarassed and emotionally distraight. The man in my life is a wonderful man who is described at times in some of my other blogs, but now I sadly write about my own journey to being an unfaithful partner.

Twenty years ago, we agreed in writing and signed it that we would be faithful to each other, until either by mutual agreement or death we are parted. Well, I did the unthinkable and the unmentionable. But tonight I write about it as I struggle to right my relationship and return to being a good and faithful partner once again.

How could I have let this happen? It was far too easy and I must admit very pleasurable. Simply, I attended my class's fiftieth class reunion in June. While I was there, some distance from where I live, I had to opportunity to reconnect with all kinds of people I had not seen or contacted since I was a highschool graduate and began college.

I was a star football player, the quarterback, and my friend I saw, let us call him Eric, was the center. He looked at my left hand and noticed my gold band on my ring finger. He asked if I was married, and in an act of evasion I described my former marriage, wife and children. I told him I had divorced, and that I had not remarried.

Then for reasons, I shall never understand, I came out to him, and told him I was gay. He looked at me with a big grin, and said, "Hot damn, I am gay too, but I never ever married." We then moved on to talk about other things such as our jobs and the old times in highschool, and we visited with other old friends.

When it came time to leave, he asked if I would go with him to a local bar that he enjoyed, and I agreed. We took a seat in the back corner away from the circular bar and the noise and talked about old times. Then he began to describe times in our football days when he would gaze at me in the lockerroom and in the showers, and think what it would be like just to handle my cock and balls. But he was afraid to do anything.
I assured him that was just as well, for we both would have been chained to a pickup truck and drug through the streets of town until we were dead. He laughed, and said, "It would still happen, if anyone knew."

Then he told of how he had never had anysexual contact with another adult male, and instead wanked off and used some sex toys he had purchased at an adult store when he traveled. Looking back, I wondered if he liked my gullibility and chose to set me up.

The turning point was when he reached across the table and grasped my left hand firmly, and asked if I would go back to his house nearby to talk somemore and if I liked I could even spend the night. Again, I acceded to his request. He seemed happy that I would go to his house.

When we arrived at his modest but nice home, we sat and talked well into the early morning, and in time, he asked if we could take off our clothes for he had always wanted since he realized he was gay to give another man head, and he had in fact fantasized about me for several years. Now here I was in his house alone.

Feeling sorry for him, I doffed my clothes and stood maked before him with a mighty woody for my cock is huge. With that he knelt down and gave me the blow job of a life time, and I did nothing to disuade him. Blowing my load, I could see he was very excited by this experience. I was too. It was so pleasurable, I could not comprehend how it was going to be so good and satisfying in the moment.


Then he asked is I had a condom and would I give his arse a good fuck, for he did not want to die without knowing this pleasure. Now I realized for the first time where this was going, and I begged off and said no. "Why not?" he asked.
I said it was time for me to go. Now he said, I would like to get together again, and I said, "I do not think we should be doing that." He wanted to know if he had offended me. Imagine that. He was like me a sixty-eight year old man, an old friend, and I for the first time realized that I was unfaithful and was close to doing it two times in one night.

For two months, I have been having emotional torment, and I have also realized that I was very wrong, but I did not know what to do about it. I considered three courses of response.
(1) I could never mention this to my partner, and hope he never hears about it. (2) I could hide behind the shallow reasoning that he has probably been unfaithful too, and I just don't know about it. Or (3) I could confess what I had done to my partner, ask him for his forgiveness, and hope he would forgive me, and I would promise never to falter again.

I feel llike such an asshole and idiot. I am scared out of my wits. My visceral reaction is that I feel like throwing up all the time. This is a very challenging time for me, and I promise to write an addendum to this blog when I have done the right thing which in my opinion is number three above. Feel free to comment if you wish.

The whore, Shep+ ](*,):cry:!oops! ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6130-Journey-to-Infidelity-for-Shep http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6118-Journey-of-Aging Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:40:30 GMT Becoming older is no more a choice than being gay, and for me both are happening later in life. In my case both have been gradual as they mark my... Becoming older is no more a choice than being gay, and for me both are happening later in life. In my case both have been gradual as they mark my life. I did not discover my own gay core until I was forty-eight. That is an age that many who read this will consider old.

For me unless I look in a mirror and see the old white haired man who smiles back at me, I life on the delusion that I am about thirty. Most of the time I do not have the complaints that I hear from so many old men. I have no prostate symptions such as excessive night time urinations. I do not have arthritic pains around my body. My sexual drive is just as strong as when I was in my prime at twenty-five. I still love to learn, and reading and learning in all forms is still enticing to me. In fact when I turn seventy, I hope to begin another advanced degree program just to stay sharp.

All my life I have worked out, run distances and of course gone to the gym. I do give credit to my personal trainer who is also a masseuse. My body looks like a man much younger. I enjoy it when another man comments about my musculature and definition. Add to that my continuing good humor. I love to laugh and to tell stories. I love to see laughter break forth in the men and women I meet day to day.

Aging is not just in the mental outlook, but a positive disposition is an asset for those who grow old. Being a grumpy old man is hardly the way to be interesting to anyone or even yourself. Laughter about life's bumps on the journey is truly medicine for the man who is aging. I hope it stays this way for many years to come. Until then, I am at my heart a very young and sexually active man. Yahoo!

Shep+:D:D;) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6118-Journey-of-Aging http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6071-Journey-to-a-New-Home Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:03:02 GMT No, my room at the old folks facility is not ready just yet. Instead we decided to upsize from our last home. I wanted my horse, old Horney, to be... No, my room at the old folks facility is not ready just yet. Instead we decided to upsize from our last home. I wanted my horse, old Horney, to be out back and a place for me to ride nearby. I also wanted more gardening space.

What we accomplished is a barn, more garage space for my cars, and a nice pasture for Horney, as well as much garden space. In the house, we have a cottage arrangement with exposed wood beam ceilings. It is still so new, but so far we think we will love it more and more.

It is quieter, and at night darker. There is more privacy. It is a little closer to most places we like to go, including work. We will be interested in seeing if it cools and heats efficiently. But it feels really good as we settle in.

In my lifetime I have moved 17 times. The moving sucks, but the net result we hope will pay off. If you want to move, plan and then take a leap of faith. The journey has many bends and turns. I will continue to explore all that life offers.

I hope your moving journies are beneficial for you as well.
Shep+ :kiss:!oops!:wave: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6071-Journey-to-a-New-Home http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6043-Journey-into-the-Gay-World-of-JUB-in-365-Days! Sun, 29 Jun 2008 00:00:00 GMT Today I begin the second year of my journey on the JUB site. I do not really recall whatever I had anticipated by this journey when I started, but... Today I begin the second year of my journey on the JUB site. I do not really recall whatever I had anticipated by this journey when I started, but to say there were many twists and turns would be an understatement. I would like to say thanks to so many JUBbers who were welcoming too me during this time.

Three stood out in the beginning and they still stand out even now. Those three were Nonimus the CHAV, Justaguy or JAG, and of course LEX, or G-Lexington. Without their firm guidance I might have fled in those early days. So them I give my thanks and a big hug and kiss. You did it well.

Many more came to my attention, and my list of buddies is probably one of the longest here at JUB. Directly or indirectly some others do stand out as well. From Australia this past year I have been wowed by Ozguy, Ravenstar and Paboy. From New Zealand, there was JAG or Justaguy. From the United Kingdom three stand out as well they are Tommy Harley, Robbieadam and Pringle. From France, Art, who is my proxy son or his look alike. From South Africa Freddie. And from the Netherlands Buttons.

Here stateside, several stood up and made this year memorable. First among them are Lex and Jory. Next among them are a couple from Ohio, Riverrick and his fantastic barn, and EJ and his first hand knowledge of the sins of Cleveland.

From my sports fans and I am a coach who has retired, I like Jake, Stan and of course Bradlee who like me is a rabid Red Sox fan. Are we ready to repeat? Go Spain in Euro 2008.

As many of you already know, I was a man coming and going at different times. I learned that gay community has its angry people as well of the homophobic community. I took my share of hate mail until I learned to tone down my role as a clergyman in the religious community. Two seniors stand at my side and to them I am especially indebted they are Prairielooner, Golliwog and now Conrad.

Of course there are many more whom I have not named, but your role was kind and supportive as well. People like Kevbo and gmoney. Gentry and of course my favorite Oregonian Kulindahr. Add my favorite Texan in CentexFarmer and I am proud to say, the year has flown by. Thanks to all who helped to make this journey memorable and enjoyable most of the time. Thanks, a thousand times over.

Shep+ (*8*):kiss:!oops!:=D: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6043-Journey-into-the-Gay-World-of-JUB-in-365-Days! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6031-Journey-to-a-New-Place Sat, 21 Jun 2008 19:23:44 GMT Fellow JUBbers as many of you are very familiar with moving, I am writing about yet another move. My last was after my retirement from work in... Fellow JUBbers as many of you are very familiar with moving, I am writing about yet another move. My last was after my retirement from work in Connecticut, USA. The professional movers were a company owned by the Soprano Brothers of the New York City area. No, I did not know that when I hired them. Those sheisters provided us with the move from hell.

This week we will have yet another move. Almost everything is gathered by boxes and marked for the rooms in which we will want them to be placed when we arrive there on June 30th and July 1st. We will have more room in the house, and be in a more country setting than we are now.

What this means is that I will be able to expand my gardens, and perhaps I wll have some pictures to rival buttons beautiful photograqphs of his garden. I am cognizant when I say that for he too is moving just now. It is at best a hope for a fresh start, and at its worst a real pain in the arse.

As my partner and I approach our twentieth year, we will have new digs, and until he starts his journey in retirement late in 2009, it will much like business as usual. We both like some features of the new place. This includes significantly more privacy. If we wish to be in some state of undress, it will feel more protected and give us a little more freedom. Also the flooring in this house are all hardwood, and I who have a lot of environmental allergies, which especially includes carpets and all carpeting, will be glad for that change. That is also to say, that cleaning and maintenance will be easier.

After what has been sixteen previous moves since my virth, I am doing pretty well with the whole process, except that move in 2001 was the pits and the last one. Mostly our friends will be helping us this time. So far I am not stressing out. But moving is enough to cause me to hold my breath at times.

The two great comforts is (1) that both of us want this particular move and expect it to be a good move. As partners it is a great help to be on the same page about such life changing moves. It will make us closer to his work. Another thing (2) my Andalusian horse will be coming home to live in a small barn on our property, and the large garages will give me enough space to keep some vintage cars I have at hand. I will like that I think. I will be able to ride more, and I think my partner believes this will keep me off of JUB some.

Truly this is another journey. What will it bring? There will be some unexpected benefits and probably some unexpected downsides as well. With all my previous life experiences, I hope to make this move pretty well and with some deep satisfaction. Nonetheless, I want to get it over with and get on with living in the new place. So the new journey begins.

Shep+(*8*) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/6031-Journey-to-a-New-Place http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5896-Journey-of-the-Sounds-of-Silence Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:13:33 GMT Back when I left my wheelchair behind and stood again to walk and to rehabilitate, I encountered a new chapter in my journey of life. It is the path... Back when I left my wheelchair behind and stood again to walk and to rehabilitate, I encountered a new chapter in my journey of life. It is the path of a deaf man.

After months of a debilitating headache that was seamless both day and night, one morning I was in a session with my rehabilitationi therapist. He was
doing his best to locate the sticking points in my recovery and help me to put an end to the time of the headache without end. That morning as he applied the Tens Unit to my neck, my headache left as suddenly as it had first appeared.

For a few days I was anxious because I thought it would return and leave me exhausted. In that same moment my hearing vanished too. At first this was another good news-bad news story. No sooner had I left one valley behind, the pain of the headache without end, but now I descended into another valley of fear and depression, because I was now suddenly deaf. It was not gradual, but a total end to hearing as I had known it.

As it has been for nineteen years, my partner stepped up to the task, and together we worked to adapt to this new life experience. May I say, that I realized quickly that the headache was far worse than the deafness, so I began to express my contentment with the exchange, for that is how I came to view and understand my new circumstance.

It took a while for me to make the transition, and indeed I am still in that period, and only a few months ago, was told it may be surgically reversible. To that end, I had a recent surgery in which a piece of my inner ear was removed and frozen to be transplanted back in next Spring. My experience so far has been to stay with what I know, for now, it is still the same. I am deaf.

I am probably in denial, and so I do not talk a lot about maybe hearing again. Although when I see a video here that is posted, or learn that the symphony is to play nearby, I long to hear again. Then again I realize I have made the transition far enough that I could live pretty happily without hearing.

Much more of my life is trapped in old memories. I am a singer and musician, and on occasion I still conduct or play with an orchestra. A friend makes certain that my instruments or voice are turned correctly. A good conductor can cue me in when I must do my part. But sadly I do not enjoy the satisfaction of the work by hearing, but through the smiles or intense facial expressions on people's faces.

Mostly, I miss new things in music. I can lip read and know sign language, but mostly I miss my partner's voice and his expressions in nuance of his love for me. But I know his love in staying with me and helping me through the most difficult and major times of transition in my life. If my partner died or walked away, I would be unconsolably devastated. Gladly, I can say I do not think about that very often, but a sudden illness can bring me back to reality. But then I realize how my injuries in 2000 and my deafness has been a blow to him as well.

I do believe that feeling sorry for me is the least productive thing in my life. Worrying about something I cannot change, is down there with it, so I try to focus on things that up lift me. Times together even though it is filled with silence. It is also times of touch and sex, and that is a major focus in my life, as surely most of you already have come to understand, I am unbelievably horny most of the time.

Our bed together, and our love making is the best part of my life. I treasure every love making opportunity, and I give it my all. My partneer seems to understand that and appreciate it. He can hear me, thank God, and that comforts and strengthens me some.

But there is a way that the silence is a place of solitude to me as well. Unlike most of you, I do not hear anything when I turn my computer on, nor do I have access to your favorite songs and at times a comedic scene you play. I fight to resist feeling left out when that happens.

Seven years, and it might as well have been my whole life time, but then I do have my great spaces where memories are stored and treasured. I will never know what it was like to be born deaf, but next year, I may once again hear. It is with mixed feelings I contemplate that possibility. It will be yet another time of transition, or it will be business as usual. I did not choose deafness, no one ever does, but I know that I can live with this situation no matter what.

Often I hide my deafness, because I detest it when people resort to feeling sorry for me. Of all my deaf experiences, that one frustrates me most. I am adamantly opposed to self pity or the pity of others. Empathy on the other hand gives me space to live and strengthens me inwardly and outwardly.

In the early months at JUB I have had some difficult times of transition. I know it is a blessing for me that I was not deaf when I met my partner, for surely it would have made it very difficult for me to meet a man and to not have a basis to communicate the whole love making process with him. I am blessed, and if it is God's will, I will spend the rest of my days as a deaf man, but I will also always be Shep+ ..|:D:wave: ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5896-Journey-of-the-Sounds-of-Silence http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5859-Journey-Through-the-Valley-of-the-Shadow-of-Death! Fri, 18 Apr 2008 04:02:58 GMT Eleven years into my partnership with Don, I had a time when I was in a serious car accident, and in the aftermath, I was told by my attending... Eleven years into my partnership with Don, I had a time when I was in a serious car accident, and in the aftermath, I was told by my attending doctors that I may not live or even spend the remaining years of my life as a quadrapalegic. Back in the year 2000 I was on my way to work, and an oncoming car from the opposite direction turned left without giving a signal crashing into my driver side door.

The ensuing crash pushed my car into on-coming or parked traffic in the intersection to my right, and then pushed my car with me in it into a three foot barrier or metal and concrete. Finally my car was tail ended by the car behind me who last control.

Almost immediately the car that caused the crash backed away from my car, and shortly afterwards a man come to the driver side window to ask if I was OK. I replied that I would put my window down, and he remarked that there were no longer windows left in my car. It was then that I realized that I was covered in shards of glass and bleeding in several places, but I felt no apparent pain.

Within minutes a policeman showed up at the crash scene, and he told me that an ambulance was on the way and that I was not to attempt to move. It was in this period of time that I realized for the first time that I could feel no apparent pain. In fact I seemed to be paralyzed from the neck down. But my only reasoned concern was to be removed from my car.

The amulance and EMTs arrived next, and a man come to my driver's door to tell me that the jaws of life would be needed to cut me out of my car. My emotions boiled over and I totally lost it. It kept asking me to calm down and that I would be taken out of the car as soon as possible. He verified my apparent paralysis and asked if I thought that I had lost consciousness during or after the crash, or whether my neck had been whipped forward or struck the windshield that no longer existed. I said no I did not lose consciousness and no my head did not strike the windshield.

Shortly after the wrecked arrived my driver side door or what was left of it was removed, and the EMTs instructed me not to try to move, but let them put a back board down to lay me on, and that I would be strapped down. They had asked me to call my partner, actually they thought I might have a wife, and when I was being moved to the ambulance he was brought to my side, and was asked to identify me, and he was told which hospital I was being transported to. It was and still is one of the low points of my whole life. Mercifully he did not react emotionally at all except to encourage me. But I knew that I had no feeling anwhere except from my neck up.

On the ambulance ride my vital signs were constantly read and radioed to the hospital for analysis. The young man at my side was so gentle and kind, and all I could do was sob uncontrolably the whole way. His response was to repeatedly tell me that they were going to take good care of me. And they did.

When I arrived at the hospital, I was treaged into a private emergency suite and a doctor, nurses and technicians were waiting to see me. I was in such profound shock, that I was numb by this time. I could no longer cry or bear to think about my situation. My partner was at my side, and Don remained very positive. He was also openly loving toward me and expressed his deep abiding affection.

The lead doctor who spoke for the team chose a good news - bad news approach to my assessment.
The good news is that I had no apparent external wounds or serious bleeding or head wounds. I did have a fractured left arm. But I could feel no pain, but I had a dull headache. I could see, hear and speak. When my trunk, and limbs were priminarily examined it became apparent I had no control of my body from the neck down. I had made a mess in my clothes so I was cleaned up by two male nurses and prepared to be taken for a CAT scan and for an MRI.

When the doctor and my partner Don returned I was given the good news that I had no apparent internal bleeding either in my trunk, limbs or head.
However they now could verify a multiple fracture of the clavicle about my neck and that I had some damage to my spine just below my neck. Then I was given the really bad news, I was indeed paralyzed. Now to be sure that was serious, but I would be kept in ICU for spinal injuries and monitored 24/7 until they could determine what was going to happen.

Immediately, I was overshadowed by the shadow of death. I wanted to die and I wanted to die right now. I could not even think much less bear the idea that I might never walk again or might be confined forever to a bed and wheelchair. To say that was an awkward and empty time is a supreme understatement. Why didn't I just died in the accident. If I had known this was going to happen, that would have been a mericful way to end it. In my stupid head, I imagined that Don could get on with the rest of his life.

Fellow JUBbers I would love to tell you I was a model patient and partner, but I was neither. I was a piece of shit. My first mistake was to have a private talk with Don in which I said, "Don, I never wanted to ever put you through something like this. You are free to leave right now. I will understand." Thank goodness he is a tough man, and he quietly and sternly spoke to me, "You are an asshole, I am here now, and I will be here no matter what. I am going no where. You will not get off that easy." Then he began to weep uncontrolably. I was so ashamed and guilt ridden. Over and over again I begged him to forgive me. He insisted that there was nothing to forgive. We are going through this like everything else together.

He slept at my bedside in a recliner chair. My every personal need he attended too. I was numb for days and he never complained. I am still so ashamed to admit that I was guilt ridden. How were we going to handle this. I was capable of neither but breathing, feeling depressed and talking from time to time.

Five days into this nightmare, I had the first twinges of feeling in my fractured arm and an excruciating headache that I thought was from my factured neck. Although I asked Don to go home, he would not leave me for even one minute. Even then I began to experience strange tensions within. As immobile as I was, I was horny almost every day for an hour or so, but I said nothing. I knew I could do nothing, I could not even wank off to relieve myself.

After ten days I was moved to the main spinal unit as I began to get other feeling and sensations around my body. I had highs and lows, and finally Don asked if he could give me a bath. I said yes. What he did was literally make love to my whole body in the privacy of that hosital room. When he washed my body, he announced to me that good news that I had sprung a woody. He asked, "May I help you with that?" I retorted, "No, it may not be a good thing, maybe we should wait for the doctor to give permission." Like I was ever going to ask a doctor. I was terrified of failure.

My partner mercifully is relentless, and he pushed on and took me to orgasm, and I felt nothing. He was shocked. So he took my cum and showed it to me. I was amazed. It was the first major sign to me that we might yet have a life together. There might be something left in me yet.

In the next couple of weeks my paralysis began to leave my body, and there came a day I was helped to sit up. A couple of days later I was helped to my feet. It was both exhilarating and frightening. I had no apparent balance or body strength in my limbs. But doctors, nurses, therapists and above Don were elated, and I took my cues from them. But 24/7 I suffered from an excruciating headache. I was given medications for it, but it was my new constant companion. Most of the time I felt nauseous.

One day I wanted to live and one day I wanted to die. Then I was released from the hospital to a rehabilitation center for further rehab. Mostly I was depressed and had no energy. But Don continued his faithful care, and had to return to work, but I was working full time at recovery. It was slow, but it was happening. Finally one day he came into my room in the evening and closed the door and told me that tonight was the night. I had to get back to doing my part. He was going to sleep with me, and I indeed was going to return to doing my sexual best whatever that was. I was scared out of my wits. How could I beg off. He had apparently told the staff that this was going to happen and we were not to be disturbed.

We made love for the first time in a couple of months. He had become accustomed to wanking me off regularly, but I had done nothing in return, and I felt terribly guilty and distressed. But tonight was the night. We both got naked and made passionate love in all the usual ways through the hours of the night. At last, I knew I would one day be fully well, and we had our old lives back.

Finally the shadows of the Valley of Death began to pull back. But my headache was still my constant companion and it literally depleted me of spiritual and physical energy constantly. Finally I was rehabed enough to go home. Fifteen weeks had passed. I returned home.

My what a mess I was, I was just as emotional as when the wreck first happened. I was getting into a car for the first time since the accident and I was going to our home. I blubbered for three or four days, but now my routine was at home, and I was now going to a rehab center close to the house. There my therapist was a demanding and pushy man but he was mostly concerned about my contant headache and my medicines. Every day he used electrical stimulaiton on various parts of my upppeer back and especially around my neck.

One day, he was working with the tens-unit and my headache instantly stopped. What a mixture of emotions. Wow, that was great. But when was it going to return. It was about a week before I realized it might not return.

Each day I grew stronger, each day, Don was there as my faithful companion as we returned to our routines of the house and our partner lives including our active sexual activity. But I was left with one painful reminder of my rehabilitation. When my headache left, I almost immediately began to experience profound deafness. Although it was much better than the headache that preceeded it, it was yet another transition for me. Don was 100% supportive and used to humor me along by reminding me that although I could no longer hear, I seemed to talk twice as much. It was true. Truly I am convinced that without Don I would not have lived again much less walked again. Alll that I am and I have I owe to him and his vigilant love and support.

Our love lilfe hs gotten better, and I am glad we have each other. With deafness comes a different kind of loneliness, things will never be quite the same. However, even that may not be true, for in a couple of weeks I will have ear surgery that will have a series of stages that may help to restore my hearing in some form by the spring of 2009. I have been so fortunate. I can live without hearing, but deep down I hope it will happen. But if it doesn't I can go on. The joy of life not the shadow of death of my state of life now. When Don and I are intimate together making love I feel complete. I walk and drive, and most all I am loved, always. What more should I ask?

It would be this, that my life is a sign of hope about the human spirit in the face of an occasional difficulty. Because I have passed this way, I want it to make a difference. Thanks for reading this if it is helpful, I will be overjoyed. May the road rise before you. May the wind be always at your back. May the joy of life be yours today and always. Amen.
Shep+ (*8*) ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5859-Journey-Through-the-Valley-of-the-Shadow-of-Death! http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5546-My-JUB-Journey-ends-for-NOW Sat, 05 Jan 2008 15:51:07 GMT What all have read here is deeply personal and so very important to my personal growth and development. I am leaving it in the hope that one or two... What all have read here is deeply personal and so very important to my personal growth and development. I am leaving it in the hope that one or two may find it yet and find courage for their own journeys.

Shep+ ]]> Shepherd 2 http://www.justusboys.com/forum/entries/5546-My-JUB-Journey-ends-for-NOW